I will have you know...

I got my nails done today...BY PAUL...and they look amazing!!

I saw Laura while I was there. She looked as frumpy as I remembered!!!

No, No, No, No, Notorious!!!

I just watched the movie Notorious...it was good!! When this movie came out in theaters Charles told me his wife wanted to see it...I already knew I liked her, but this solidified it.

Charles told me a story that I had to get permission to retell.

Charles and his wife, we will call her Lil Chris to pay tribute to the movie, have three kids...Ann, Adam, and Alan...ages 3, 7, and 10 respectively.

Alan was at his field day when some little girl was getting on his nerves.

Mind you that restaurant manager are NOTORIOUS for having potty mouths.

That is everyone except me...I am fucking perfect.

Any who...back to Alan and this annoying girl.

She got on his last nerve and he let her have it...he politely asked her to "Just shut the fuck up!!!"

OMG!!!

You know you live in a small town when you get a call directly from the principal to let you know your son has a potty mouth.

And you know you are a restaurant manager when your natural reaction is...OH SHIT...

So 10 years old...I know I started earlier than that...

As a matter of fact I am pretty sure that I was Adam's age when my older sibling gave me "the talk"

There were words that I knew I shouldn't use...but I wanted too...and at that point the talk went like this...

The words are only to be used when you are around cool people...no adults, no teachers, no babies...and NOT YOUR LITTLE BROTHER...he won't understand when not to use them...

So that was kind of how Charles's "talk" had to go...but with a couple of more years between them...86 brother...sub sister

It was from that point on that Lil Chris and Charles recognized that they needed to clean up their language a bit.

I don't know if I would ask Charles or Lil Chris about this...if you do...they may just tell you to..."Just shut the fuck up!"

No Worries

I have been off work for 5 glorious days.

I don't want to go back, but the damn mortgage company still wants to get paid...RUDE.

I have to tell a story that will get me back in the mood.

I was working one night with my up and coming A team. Some of these guys are STRAIGHT UP GOOF BALLS!!! And I love them!! They still handle up and that is all I care about.

I round the corner to DJ letting me know that he broke our hand washing sink.

He explained that he and Jerry Mae were exiting the dish area at the same time and because of the size of their rear ends they didn't fit...and the sink was all that would give.

But DJ had the sink back in working order. There was a crack in the PVC, but it still worked and didn't leak...NO WORRIES!!!

Then the ever intelligent Menos rounds the corner only hearing the ass end of the reenactment and declares...

"No Worries guys, I took shop in high school."

Instead of leaving good enough alone...he squats down and picks up the damn sink.

His ever intelligent self didn't put together that if you lift the sink far enough away from the wall, the PVC pipe that is connecting it to the wall may break...

Not only did the cracked pipe break, it shattered and twisted beyond recognition...then he couldn't get the sink back onto the wall...GENIUS!!!

He dropped the sink...and then squatted to try and regain control. When he couldn't he used his head...

Not to think, If you knew Menos you would know how much of a stretch that idea would be...

He literally used his head...he smashed it against the sink to hold it against the wall...as he screamed for help.

Jerry Mae was squatted against another wall trying his damn'dest not to piss himself...NO HELP TO MENOS...

So I picked up the sink and placed it back on the wall and ripped into him...

REALLY...REALLY...YOU TOOK SHOP IN HIGH SCHOOL AND NOW YOU FEEL QUALIFIED TO DO THE WORK OF A PLUMBER...I TOOK AN ECONOMICS CLASS IN HIGH SCHOOL BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME DOING PEOPLE'S TAXES...

I took shop in high school...but I know my limits...

The great thing about Menos doing dumb shit is the back lash...I don't even have to do much...his peers take care of that for me...

NO WORRIES!!!

Large Circle

I was at the front when a man approached me with his receipt in hand and asked to see the manager.

I recognized his as being the guy who just left table 23.

He asked me a condeciding question that let me know he was going to be an ASSHOLE...

"Is it customary for your servers to add their own tip?"

Oh....this could be bad...maybe it was our mistake.

I looked at the credit card receipt...and decided that I should be smart right back...

The card had a big ass zero with a line through it...no tip

So I said, "Sir...do you see the large circle with a line through it? You didn't leave a tip."

So the man then showed me his itemized check...It was $19ish and the card was run for $22

I looked closer and Clancy ran it on the wrong table...

The man jumped back in and pointed out that the difference was about the same as the tip...to just leave it.

SO HE WAS BITCHING FOR THE SAKE OF BITCHING...I HATE THIS...IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE...SAY SOMETHING...BUT DON'T BITCH FOR THE SAKE OF BITCHING!!!

I explained to him that I could leave it, but that would mess up the table that it was on...and that I was going to change it whether he stuck around for it or not.

So he stuck around.

We walked over to the computer to fix it when I explained to Clancy what happened. Clancy apologized for the mistake, but the guy just smirked.

ASSHOLE

I fixed the mistake...and the guy actually left him $5.

I guess he felt like the A HOLE he was...

You know what an asshole is...LMAO

CONSUMER ADVISORY

Ok so normally I would change names...but in this case I feel like I would be doing all of my blog readers just as dirty as I was just done...

I have gotten my nails done since I was 16 or so...I am not old, nor am I going to age myself...but I have gotten them done a few times...

For the past FIVE years I have gone to Pro Nails in College Station. Paul has done my nails about 92% of the time...the man does have a day off every now and again.

HE IS AMAZING!!! I would recommend him to anyone...he is the most popular in the shop bc he is the best.

I had another guy do my nails once and he asked me who did them the last time...THEY ALWAYS ASK...and I told him Paul always does them...his response, why didn't you ask for him this time...

My response...I did, but he was busy and I didn't want to wait...hind sight...I should have waited...

So today I walked in and asked for Paul once again. The managers (SUPER SWEET COUPLE) let me know that it would be awhile, that he had one more waiting in front of me.

So I agreed to have someone else do my nails...

I dont' really gamble, or play scratch offs, or get lotto tickets...the chances are bigger that I lose than those that I win...

SO WHY THE HELL DID I GAMBLE WHEN I KNOW WHO THE WINNER IS?!?!?

I sat down at a spot and a young lady walked up to my table. She had a name tag on that said Laura...write that down...LAURA...

She looked at my nails and shook her head and said, "Oh, honey you need full set. Not fill, full set...look bad."

NO SHE DIDN'T...

So I said, no, I just want a fill...pink and white...

She repeated her opinion a bit pushier this time...you need set...look bad...

I repeated again...a bit pushier...no, just a fill, pink and white

She tisked her tongue on the top of her mouth and started...shaking her head.

Then she pulled out a nail tip and began to pry off one of my nails...and it hurt like hell bc it was NOT READY TO COME OFF...so I jerked my hand and asked her what she was doing...

She said, I fix this one bc it come up...

So I replied (my patients were up at this point) YOU JUST PULLED IT UP...That hurts.

So she said, oh sorry and put that finger in acetone.

She went on with her routine...the next step was to put the white solar gel on the tips of my nails...she plopped out some metal contraption that looked like it could be used for torture.

She put the white on my nails in big sloppy glops and used the metal like stamps to give it a sharp look...THIS WAS A CHEATER TOOL bc she didn't know what the hell she was doing.

Then as she moved on to my other hand I inspected the first...the white that she put on wasn't right...it didn't go all the way to the side of my nail.

I pointed that out to her...and her response...

"Oh no, I put pink there...look more natural."

So I rebutted with, "If I wanted natural I would not have a big ass white stripe on the end of my nails...please make it go all the way where I asked."

She did...

In the mean time she went back to work on the nail she had to replace.

She glued a nail to what she thought was my finger nail, but it was my FINGER.

She clipped and was about to start working on it like it was in place...I pulled it off after she didn't listen to me tell her it was not stuck on there.

She finally got it on, and looked up and said...I won't charge for this nail...since it hurt.

AND SINCE I DIDN'T ASK FOR IT AND DIDN'T NEED IT...YOU FORGOT THAT PART

So I thought I was about done...and glad for it...

She started shaping my nails and making them the length I wanted...she started with my pinkie...she passed back and forth over it with a file and pushed it back towards me...

YOU LIKE...

No, I would like it shorter please...

and we repeated...two passes and a push...

YOU LIKE...

No, a little shorter please...

she did it again and I did like...so she went on to make the other's match...

except she two swiped the rest of my nails too...so they were longer than the rest...

she said...YOU LIKE...

I sighed and said I would like it if they were all the same length...the pinkie finger is the only one that is the length I asked you...the rest are longer than I like...

She copped an attitude so fast..."You should have told me this before, I could have cut them...you like too short."

I have had this done EVERY TIME...why was Laura having such a tough time with this?

She made them the same.

Then she put the buffing cream on it and pulled out her wand that had the buffer on it.

She roared it like it was a dentist drill and barely grazed my finger nails...and before I knew it she had squirted the oil and dismissed me to wash my hands...

I looked down and they were not shiny...I asked why...

She said that after I wash them they would look shiny...

NO THEY DID NOT

So I asked her to shine them, and she did a little bit more.

I paid this wench and walked outside to my car. I got in and sat down and looked at my nails...I was so pissed off that I wanted to cry and scream all at the same time.

Then I looked down at my nails and I had two nails that were extremely crooked...to the point that my finger looked crooked...and that made me think about Anjelah Johnson from Mad TV...and I had to laugh...

So I decided that I was not going to pay for something that I let ruin my day...so I walked back in and saw Paul...he asked about my nails.

I told him that I should have waited on him...that I needed a file to fix my crooked nails. He game me one and I went to work...

The manager approached me and asked if he could do that for me...I obliged. We sat down and he started filing them when he caught a gander at my dull nails...and he picked EACH finger up and examined them CLOSELY. He asked me who did my nails...I told him...then he got up

He went to their walkie talkie station and called for her to come back to the table.

She rounded the corner with a throwed look. He said something to her in Vietnamese that I could not understand...and she grabbed my hand...

WHERE IT CROOKED?

"He already fixed that one, but this one could use some work..."

She straighten the other finger up and dismissed me again...

The manager jumped out of his chair and again in Vietnamese shouted what I can only imagine was a punch list of all the jacked up things about my nail job.

She got her tools back out and did a lot more detail work...and made them shine.

I left there with good looking nails. That is because I asked for what I paid for...I can't help but think about Miss Merchant.

I started thinking about times that I had to wait on a table that was pissed at me...at lease I got to have breaks from the table. How do you hold the hand of the pissed off person and still do your job. I know she felt what I was feeling...I wanted to choke this woman.

**End Consumer Advisory**


OOOOHHHHHHH YOU GOTTA SEE ANJELAH JOHNSON!!!!

I felt like I was living this skit...