***WARNING TO READERS***
If you are not grossed out by poop talk or gross analogies please continue...if you are...get your ass the hell off my blog!!!
***Begin Blog***
This is a phrase that I hear and use and believe.
What does it mean?
Shit rolls down hill- no matter what your position in life, there is always someone that is ranked under you. So if you are pushing this so called shit...it makes since that it goes down hill.
I mean think about it...your boss is uphill from you...when you have shit...you push it to those under you...bc you sure can shove it in your boss's direction.
Likewise with kids. They better not push it uphill to you...and if they do...you need to reevaluate your station in life.
The whole little saying is completely subjective.
I am up and down hill from a lot of different people. In a lot of different places in my life.
A majority of the people in this little place we call Earth subscribe to this way of thinking, they just don't call it the same thing.
So how does this apply to the restaurant?
The answer is that it doesn't have to...this is my blog...don't try to push shit uphill...I do what I want!!
GET HOW IT WORKS?
I was kidding...it totally applies.
Here is the ranking system in a restaurant...and here is how they are so subjective...
SERVER'S POV: (point of view)
Manager (KING OF THE MOUNTIAIN)
servers
cooks
hostesses
bussers
guests
MANAGER POV:
Manager
Guest
Server/Cook/Hostess/Busser
GUEST POV:
Guest
Manager
gum on the bottom of talbes
Server/Cook/Hostess/Busser
Get it...
It always seems to work just like it did last night for Plemito.
He had the most pleasant group of trashy people that's attire just screamed, "I shovel shit for a living" (in a southern twang)
and I am not just saying that because this blog is about poop...they literally looked like they walked right off the farm and into our establishment.
When Plemito would talk to them the skinny little girl that OBVIOUSLY was there to socialize and not eat would shoo him away by waving her hand as if she had something sticky stuck on her pinky.
When the food goes out to the table it usually leaves the kitchen...and then the plate returns cleanish...
Well there was something wrong with EVERYTHING!!!
The chicken sandwich was wrong, the veggie medley didn't have enough variety, the sandwich wasn't supposed to have cheese, the sandwich needed wing sauce, and all the while this little girl still didn't get that sticky stuff off her pinky.
The icing on the cake is that the shit pushers left him a generous $3 when he should have easily gotten $10.
It makes you want to find out what horse or cow they are down hill from and feed them laxatives.
And sit on top of your little hill and laugh!!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Sorostibow
I don't know what is going on with these sorostitutes...no doubt it stems from some Daddy complex they are hiding.
They have started a new trend- the sorostibow.
I am not knocking bows. They are adorable...if you are under the age of 10.
At 20...not so much.
And it is like they are competing. The bigger the bow...the bigger the H...get your mind out of the gutter.
So what do we do to combat these ugly bows? We make up a pointless game to help pass the time!!!
Here is how you Sorostibow Hunt!!!
It is based on a point scale.
If you have a sorostibow at your table then you get an automatic point!
If you are able to snap a pic of the sorostibow then you get 2 points. The catch with this is that a manager CANNOT see you take the picture or it null & voids your points. (you are not allowed to use your cell in the front of house) &&& there can only be one pic taken per table.
If you are able to motorboat this sorostitute then you get 6 points. This has to be witnessed by two people or caught on video.
If you are a hostess you must say the following, "Oh my God, I DIE...that is so cute" WITH THE MIC PUSHED so the manager can hear it. (shout out Rachel Zoe)
***disclaimer*** Rachel Zoe is a super hot celebrity stylist...she in no way supports or encourages the sorostibow, but she does have a super cute catch phrase...it is BANANAS!!!
The person that gets to 10 points first gets to eat for free.
I know, I know...this is a LONG thought out game. Where in the world did we find the time to come up with it...and are there really enough sorostibows in College Station to validate a winner?
The answers are HOLIDAYS IN COLLEGE STATION and yes.
Sad, but true.
Now I am not knocking these over exaggerated accessories. I am knocking the adults that make the choice to wear them...
Just remember that the next time you slap a big ass bow on your head...and you hear people snickering...they are probably laughing at you!!
And smile...you may be on camera!!!
They have started a new trend- the sorostibow.
I am not knocking bows. They are adorable...if you are under the age of 10.
At 20...not so much.
And it is like they are competing. The bigger the bow...the bigger the H...get your mind out of the gutter.
So what do we do to combat these ugly bows? We make up a pointless game to help pass the time!!!
Here is how you Sorostibow Hunt!!!
It is based on a point scale.
If you have a sorostibow at your table then you get an automatic point!
If you are able to snap a pic of the sorostibow then you get 2 points. The catch with this is that a manager CANNOT see you take the picture or it null & voids your points. (you are not allowed to use your cell in the front of house) &&& there can only be one pic taken per table.
If you are able to motorboat this sorostitute then you get 6 points. This has to be witnessed by two people or caught on video.
If you are a hostess you must say the following, "Oh my God, I DIE...that is so cute" WITH THE MIC PUSHED so the manager can hear it. (shout out Rachel Zoe)
***disclaimer*** Rachel Zoe is a super hot celebrity stylist...she in no way supports or encourages the sorostibow, but she does have a super cute catch phrase...it is BANANAS!!!
The person that gets to 10 points first gets to eat for free.
I know, I know...this is a LONG thought out game. Where in the world did we find the time to come up with it...and are there really enough sorostibows in College Station to validate a winner?
The answers are HOLIDAYS IN COLLEGE STATION and yes.
Sad, but true.
Now I am not knocking these over exaggerated accessories. I am knocking the adults that make the choice to wear them...
Just remember that the next time you slap a big ass bow on your head...and you hear people snickering...they are probably laughing at you!!
And smile...you may be on camera!!!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Mosco
One of the most annoying parts of Texas are the bugs.
We have species that haven't even been discovered yet.
There are some that are indiginous of Blue Bell Country that are the worst.
I had a run in with one last night.
This mosco had a way of buzzing in my ear at the worst times.
Then just like a needy baby would whine if you didn't respond in a timely fashion.
Well I am not a fan of whiny babies either...
I would consider myself a collected, level headed, happy going person. When something gets me off of my regular mood I get frustrated.
I would like to do some exterminating...with harsh chemicals!!!
PINCHE MOSCO
We have species that haven't even been discovered yet.
There are some that are indiginous of Blue Bell Country that are the worst.
I had a run in with one last night.
This mosco had a way of buzzing in my ear at the worst times.
Then just like a needy baby would whine if you didn't respond in a timely fashion.
Well I am not a fan of whiny babies either...
I would consider myself a collected, level headed, happy going person. When something gets me off of my regular mood I get frustrated.
I would like to do some exterminating...with harsh chemicals!!!
PINCHE MOSCO
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Sorostitute
Sorostitute- a sorority girl that flaunts her goodies or sluts herself out for MGD 64 or vodka & water with a squeeze of lime
When those late tables come in we all cringe...it just means that we are going to be that much later getting out. Sure if we were optimistic we would look at it as an opportunity to make more money, but we work in the restaurant industry and at 10:40 we just want to go home.
We had a fleet of trucks swoop into the parking lot with the fury of God. Three gentlemen got out so we welcomed them at the door.
The buff one apologized for coming in so late. So I let him in on a secret a server would NEVER tell...we will be here for an hour or better anyhow...so one more table is no biggie really.
They sat there for about 45 seconds and the buff guy walked to the restroom. When he came back he was stride for stride with a pissed off sorostitute.
This psycho chick parked on the other side of the parking lot and stalked them long enough to swoop in at the perfect time.
He looked over and promptly let us know that she was not his.
She walked up to their table with out words. She simply crossed her arms and huffed. And her boyfriend got up and followed her outside.
She chewed his ass for a good ten minutes...NO EXAGGERATION!!
I was asking Dopey to give me the play by play, but she wasn't doing a good job...so I took over.
When you don't know what someone is saying, but cell phones and arms are flailing...you have to make something up...so I did.
In my mind their fight was because he chose to hang out with his guy friends instead of coming over to watch the episodes of Grey's Anatomy that she tivo'd. She had the last two Tivo'd that she needed to catch up on before tomorrows episode and he ditched her.
SHE WAS PISSED...
so then they moved over to the other side of the restaurant. This is where she continued to let him have it...but since he was out of our view he let her have it a bit too.
Then he walked inside and sat back down.
At this point I already offered to buy these guys a round because THEY NEEDED IT!!!
As Jerry Mae was delivering the beer the guy returned...with a sorostitute on his tail.
The Uber Bitch (sorry I could figure out the two dots) leaned into his buff friend and said, "I hope you are happy you son of a bitch, we broke up and it is your fault"
Not taking blame for the part where she PSYCHO stalked him at a restaurant, made a scene, and would later do more dirt...I'm getting there...CALM DOWN YOU!!!
So she pitches this fit and storms out again.
He walks out after her.
As they make it outside she turns around and WACK...slaps him right in the face.
YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!
she then does what any woman with sense does...she ran!!
And he chased her!!
She got into her car and started to drive off...so he opened the door to talk to her and she spun off knocking him to the ground...and then he rolled...
OMG
so he came in and promptly let his buddies know that cigarettes were in order.
They went outside and vented for a second.
When they came back in he apologized and told us why they were arguing...
I'm not going to tell you because the Grey's Anatomy version was better...but lets just say that his sorostitute is no longer his problem!!
When those late tables come in we all cringe...it just means that we are going to be that much later getting out. Sure if we were optimistic we would look at it as an opportunity to make more money, but we work in the restaurant industry and at 10:40 we just want to go home.
We had a fleet of trucks swoop into the parking lot with the fury of God. Three gentlemen got out so we welcomed them at the door.
The buff one apologized for coming in so late. So I let him in on a secret a server would NEVER tell...we will be here for an hour or better anyhow...so one more table is no biggie really.
They sat there for about 45 seconds and the buff guy walked to the restroom. When he came back he was stride for stride with a pissed off sorostitute.
This psycho chick parked on the other side of the parking lot and stalked them long enough to swoop in at the perfect time.
He looked over and promptly let us know that she was not his.
She walked up to their table with out words. She simply crossed her arms and huffed. And her boyfriend got up and followed her outside.
She chewed his ass for a good ten minutes...NO EXAGGERATION!!
I was asking Dopey to give me the play by play, but she wasn't doing a good job...so I took over.
When you don't know what someone is saying, but cell phones and arms are flailing...you have to make something up...so I did.
In my mind their fight was because he chose to hang out with his guy friends instead of coming over to watch the episodes of Grey's Anatomy that she tivo'd. She had the last two Tivo'd that she needed to catch up on before tomorrows episode and he ditched her.
SHE WAS PISSED...
so then they moved over to the other side of the restaurant. This is where she continued to let him have it...but since he was out of our view he let her have it a bit too.
Then he walked inside and sat back down.
At this point I already offered to buy these guys a round because THEY NEEDED IT!!!
As Jerry Mae was delivering the beer the guy returned...with a sorostitute on his tail.
The Uber Bitch (sorry I could figure out the two dots) leaned into his buff friend and said, "I hope you are happy you son of a bitch, we broke up and it is your fault"
Not taking blame for the part where she PSYCHO stalked him at a restaurant, made a scene, and would later do more dirt...I'm getting there...CALM DOWN YOU!!!
So she pitches this fit and storms out again.
He walks out after her.
As they make it outside she turns around and WACK...slaps him right in the face.
YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!
she then does what any woman with sense does...she ran!!
And he chased her!!
She got into her car and started to drive off...so he opened the door to talk to her and she spun off knocking him to the ground...and then he rolled...
OMG
so he came in and promptly let his buddies know that cigarettes were in order.
They went outside and vented for a second.
When they came back in he apologized and told us why they were arguing...
I'm not going to tell you because the Grey's Anatomy version was better...but lets just say that his sorostitute is no longer his problem!!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Go VOTE for Liam!!
liam is contestant # 571836049
WILL YOU VOTE FOR MY NEPHEW PLEASE? it takes two minutes to register, and you can vote daily!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
A Penny For Your Thoughts
In a perfect world if you walked into a restaurant with a friend and ordered the exact same thing...it would cost the exact same price...
THIS IS NOT A PERFECT WORLD
The taxes are sometime an odd number...and it has to split some way.
On this particular day Donk was waiting on some less than lovely ladies.
They sat down...ordered the same thing...and ate the same thing...and then expected to pay for the same thing.
The curse of the odd tax hit them. And now it would be split for them.
Someone was going to get the odd penny. It was just going to happen.
What would happen next would shock you...I have heard it all.
The lady stops Donk, "Ummmm excuse me, but don't you think that if we ordered the exact same thing we would get charged the same?"
So Donk tried to explain the tax to her.
So she rebuts with, "Oh, so this happens on a split check...so we should have let you know in the BEGINNING that we were going to be separate."
Poor Donk...she says, "You could have let me know, but we would have still put it on the same check and split it. There is really no way to get around it."
So then the lady starts in sort of ranting, "Oh so I just got screwed then. I should have sat on that side. I got screwed sitting right here."
A FREAKIN' PENNY!!!
A FREAKIN' PENNY!!!
A FREAKIN' PENNY!!!
I will give you a Penny for your thoughts...that is if you KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF!!!
It is bitches like that who will tip one penny less because they think they are proving a point...keep your pennies lady...we don't want them...
THIS IS NOT A PERFECT WORLD
The taxes are sometime an odd number...and it has to split some way.
On this particular day Donk was waiting on some less than lovely ladies.
They sat down...ordered the same thing...and ate the same thing...and then expected to pay for the same thing.
The curse of the odd tax hit them. And now it would be split for them.
Someone was going to get the odd penny. It was just going to happen.
What would happen next would shock you...I have heard it all.
The lady stops Donk, "Ummmm excuse me, but don't you think that if we ordered the exact same thing we would get charged the same?"
So Donk tried to explain the tax to her.
So she rebuts with, "Oh, so this happens on a split check...so we should have let you know in the BEGINNING that we were going to be separate."
Poor Donk...she says, "You could have let me know, but we would have still put it on the same check and split it. There is really no way to get around it."
So then the lady starts in sort of ranting, "Oh so I just got screwed then. I should have sat on that side. I got screwed sitting right here."
A FREAKIN' PENNY!!!
A FREAKIN' PENNY!!!
A FREAKIN' PENNY!!!
I will give you a Penny for your thoughts...that is if you KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF!!!
It is bitches like that who will tip one penny less because they think they are proving a point...keep your pennies lady...we don't want them...
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Hit From the Back
Here is a Quickie since I haven't given you any in almost a month...
as a woman I am programmed to be stingy...
lmao...jk
but as a woman BEG (Brown Eyed Girl) stereotypically cannot drive well under pressure
We get calls about three times a day that go a little like this..."Ummm who is managing...can I talk to them...lalala lalala lalala...(that was hold music) I am running a little bit late, I will be there shortly."
BEG let us know that she was running a little late...no biggie!
When she got here she told me that she had a fender bender on the way in.
She told the story...
She met her roommate to grab her work clothes. She was changing and driving at the same time...NOT TOO SMART
She was pulling on her clothes...when BAM...
She ran into the car in front of her. The gentleman driving the car in front made eye contact with her to make sure she was not going to burn off with out surveying the damage.
They got out of the car at the same time...she started with the apologies..."I am sooooo sorry, I am late to work."
The guy says to her..."Do you work at @$