You Wouldn't Understand

Goodness Gracious let me tell you about the heat in Texas...

It is sometimes unbearable.

My amiga Della was moving...so today we packed up to move her.

She did what any good host would do...she bought us breakfast tacos & coffee...YUMMY!!

I wanted to fix my coffee so I walked inside to do so.

(The place we got the tacos from was attached to a gas station)

I put the three coffees on the counter to dress them.

I hear...UM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

So I told her...bc I thought it was pretty obvious...I AM DRESSING MY COFFEE

She then asked...they didn't give you cream or sugar?

NO (i also didn't ask)

UM, WELL THEN YOU NEED TO LET THEM GIVE YOU THAT STUFF...THAT IS MY STUFF...BUT GO AHEAD SINCE YOU DONE WALKED ALL THE WAY OVER HERE

I could have gone lots of places with this woman...but I really didn't have the energy at 8 am

I just raised my eyebrow to her and fixed the coffees.

Then she bursts out of nowhere with HONEY, YOU JUST WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. IT'S A LOT OF CHAOS AROUND HERE...YOU JUST WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

I wanted to say...Bitch, I deal with ignorant people like you on a DAILY basis...so yes...I would understand...I also understand that I walked over here bc I wanted to fix my coffee...the pinche buildings are ATTACHED.

You can ASK me not to use the stuff, or explain that they are different...but when you come at me sideways like that...I am going to do what I want...But as far as understanding...I DON'T CARE

I got done making the coffees and got back into the car while the 7 month prego window lady was asking me what had happened.

I told her briefly...she was very quick to tell me that the lady gets complained on all the time. She invited me to call the owner to let them know.

These ladies obviously were from "Feuding Hoods" (lmao)

they thought I didn't understand...

It wasn't that...I just DIDN'T CARE!!!

Paul is the Mannnn!!!

I went to get my nails done today...and made an appointment.

(I will do that EVERY TIME NOW)

I walked in to Paul finishing up a pedicure.

I went to the table and waited for him...and good old Laura was standing around as if she was given instructions she didn't understand.

Then the lady that he was giving a pedicure rounded the corner with Paul.

She looked at Laura perplexed..."she is doing my nails?"

Paul said, "Yes, she will do a good job"

The lady looked at Laura the same way I did when she pulled out her metal devices.

Then I kept noticing her examining her nails.

Paul told me he thought the lady looked mad...I reminded him that Laura was the one who jacked up my nails, but he let me know he didn't need reminding.

I just hoped the lady would speak up when her nails looked like shit.

I felt bad for her, but I was glad that I had made my appointment.

My nails look great...Paul is the man!!!

If you are going to Insult Someone...Make sure it is Worth it!!

I was doing a guest shift in Huntsvegas last night...I knew there were asshole everywhere...this just proved me right!!

I used to work with Tare Bear in College Station so I had a comfort level from the jump.

She came and got me and let me know that a short angry man was upset that she ran his card for the wrong amount.

I was not sure if he was angry bc he was so short, or because she ran the card for the wrong amount.

She let me know he totally had little man syndrome...sad

Little Man Syndrome: An ailment short men deal with that causes them to be angry because of their height. This often times causes them to over compensate in other areas.

I fixed the amount ran on the card. I did so "by the book" so that his account would not be charged twice...no harm no foul.

I went on doing what I do...I saw an old friend and was talking to him and his dinner date. I looked up from our conversation to a short man pointing at me and then pointing to where he was.

I think that was his way of asking me to come over there.

Since I am not a dog and do not come to commands, I gave him some points right back...I pointed to the conversation I was having and then put a single finger up to signify that I would be there in a minute.

My friend gave me an out so that I could tend to the Shorty DooWop...but I declined...I would tend to him in another moment.

I finished up with my people and walked over to where his shortness was standing.

He slapped both CC receipts on the host stand and pointed to the old one and without explanation he said, "sign this and write void."

So I asked him if he understood what had been previously explained to him. He looked and said, "just sign it."

So I explained again..."Sir these credit card receipts both have the same authorization number on them, that means that although there are two different receipts...only one is going to be charged to your account."

He slurred again, "I know that those are authorization numbers. Just sign it"

So I further explained, "Sir do you see the time the receipts were printed..."

He interrupted me stating the times each were printed.

So I went on with my explanation, "Yes sir, because the second receipt...the one with the lesser value...was run later, with the same authorization number...it is the only valid receipt. It is the only one you will be charged for."

He slapped the receipt and commanded...JUST SIGN IT.

So I wrote VOID in the biggest ugliest letters you can imagine...and in a small corner I put my initials.

He looked at me and said, "is that your signature"

I snapped back...isn't that what you asked for?

He left...leaving a generous $.50 tip...it was coincidental because he was probably an even 5' 00"

WHAT A JERK...I guess it was worth it to him to act like an ass...to make up for something (I assumed it was his height)

FYI...leaving a change tip is WAY more insulting that leaving NOTHING...

So Tare Bear lets me know the next day that she has a class with this asshole.

That is how you know he is an ASSHOLE...he has to see her EVERYDAY.

Tare Bear was proud to let me know that she returned his $.50 to him...in the form of two quarters on the corner of his desk...

THAT INSULT WAS DEFINITELY WORTH IT!!!

And No Linda...two wrongs do not make a right...but that second wrong sure did even the score!!!

Rotten Cheese

I was in the front of the restaurant when I saw a man get up from his table to tell Cheese something. She then got wide eyed so I walked over.

She told me the man's wife cut her mouth on a piece of glass that was in her margarita.

I walked over and she had the sliver in her right hand. I apologized to them PROFUSELY...and told her I would take care of the margarita.

While we were talking she nervously swirled the margarita with the straw in her left hand.

Her husband's eyes were focused on that rita...

Finally he reached into the glass and pulled out a LARGE piece of glass...and when I say large...I mean LARGE!!

His wife's mouth dropped...mine did as well.

If I had to make a comparison...it would go like this...you know those really groovy throw back sunglasses with the really big lenses...

the piece of glass was about the size of some Really gnarly sunglasses lenses

This was so hard to apologize for...I mean a sliver of glass can find its way anywhere...

BUT HOW THE HELL DOES A PIECE OF GLASS THAT BIG GET MISSED???

So my story went from apologizing and taking care of the drink...to apologizing and taking care of the entire bill.

When I offered them another drink or food...she said exactly what I would have...

HELL NO...

Cheese felt like crap...she went over to apologize to them...

they thought she was Philmont (she was waiting on them)...and they tipped her...

So we burned the well (emptied it and cleaned it for those of you that don't speak restaurant) and refilled it...all the time tripping out on the mishap...

So in one day Cheese tried to kill someone and stole a tip...where do we find this Rotten Cheese...we should ship her off to Costa Rica or something ; )