Pranks

The holidays are a slow time for us!!!

And by slow I mean that 80,000 people leave this college town and our business leaves with it.

On nights I would normally need 3 people at my front door and 6 people in my kitchen...we run with 1 and 4...

SLOW

So what do you do when you are bored...you entertain yourself.

So that is exactly what we did.

Once I cut Jerry Mae we sat man'd a phone and got at it.

Our first victim was Dallas. He answered the phone, but not how we liked...so we yelled what we were supposed to say to him. And hung up...

the we called back until we got the greet we wanted.

Our next victim was Jurrow. Jerry Mae ordered some chicken strips from her...and insisted that she not put any of that WEAK ASS HONEY MUSTARD...this was all imprmptu so when I heard that I almost peed myself...I had to cover my mouth and my head to keep from bursting.

At this point we had an audience...Jurrow, Dallas, Jerry Mae, and myself.

We decided to prank another restaurant.

We called there and ordered a menu item that only we sell.

The boy on the other end explained that we would have to go to us to get that...but Jerry Mae explained that he was too drunk to go there...that he could only walk to that restaurant.

The guy apologized...being that they just didn't serve that kind of food.

Jerry Mae then suggested that he would have to enlist illegal drugs to aid his sobriety so that he could drive.

As they ended their conversation Jerry Mae suggested that they add the item to their menu...the boy on the other end of the phone had no idea that it was a prank...and he suggested that they add the illegal drug to the menu...

WOW

Mixed Emotions

I have sat on this story for a minute...I didn't know whether to be sad for this blogee...or to laugh it off...

I told this story a few times and decided to be light hearted about it...due to the following humor...

I was first notified of this woman by Mr Ford & Bella because she SHHHH'd them...yep...She SHHHH'd them!!!

To put your imagination at rest, this was a 65/70 year old woman that was petite in stature. Her voice had a raspiness that can only cigarettes and vodka could cause. She had put some miles on her tires. This was not the first time this had happened to this lady.

They were cracking up, but didn't know whether to be angry or ugly...Mixed Emotions

I thought maybe she was just wanting them to SHHHH & blew it off.

I was later notified that the lady was yelling jiberish into her phone...as long as she wasn't bothering other guests...I am not going to tell her how to speak. She had only had a couple of drinks.

The third time I was notified of how strange she was behaving was when she walked up to the 2 year-old boy in the front lobby asking him to "Give her a kiss..." but slurred it in an I've over indulged in vodka & cigarettes in my lifetime, kind of way.

I cornered her in the bar and talked to her for a bit. I chatted with her.

She talked about all kinds of things that made no sense...Her houses that she had in 5 different places, all at least 37 square foot...HUGE...

She would sway between wanting to talk to me to shooing me...she too had mixed emotions.

When she wanted me to go she told me to go find that boy that I liked and make out with him. I explained that I was engaged. She shouted back, "I don't care what you are, you know there is some guy here that you think is hot. Make out with them. Go!!"

Then she enjoyed me again...She asked for another drink...I turned her down...but asked Mr Ford to get a coke...she didn't like that and let me know by saying, "I get it...get me a Coke...you mother f*ck*r"

Our restaurant will pay for a cab for a customer that we feel is too intoxicated to drive. I offered her one. She said no, but gave me her phone to call her dad. WHAT...was he still alive...

I called and she wanted to have her phone, then she didn't...this woman was all mixed up.

I finally asked her again about the cab and she agreed.

Jay was in the back calling the cab and gave instructions to Totita to let him know when they were here so we could play this out smoothly.

When the lady saw Totita speak on her secret server headset she asked me if she was a cop...at this point I think that she was oblivious to where she was.

I say this because I wanted to get her address from her to give to the driver by the time he got there. When I asked her she said...713.555-5555 (not exactly but whatever)...I said, mam...I need your address...not phone number...she argued that that was what she gave me...she then said Route two...box...NO...I need your physical address

THEN...she asked me what was closer Teague or College Station??? WOW

She shooed me again saying that she was done talking to me...until I told her the cab arrived...at that moment she told me that she was enjoying my company and wanted to talk longer.

We walked out and I put her in the cab...still clueless as to where they would go. I knew that she would not cooperate with anyone else...I have a way with the crazies...and the ONLY come on MY SHIFTS!!! Plus she asked Jay if there was something that she could help him with...SHE WAS BOLD!!

Her mom called her back and she told her she was in the following places...Clear Lake, The Raddison, Houston, and Our Place...She was mixed up everywhere and amused by it.

She spilled her purse into the cab seat and I was helping her gather loose items, when I got her check book & her ID...not to jack her, but to check addresses...they matched so I gave the driver the address.

While he looked for the address on a map I belted her in and cleaned the mess...She handed me 3 credit cards...and said, "Go ahead and take it...don't rob me...there should be at least $10,000 on there."

I explained that I didn't want her money...that we paid for the cab and I didn't want to rob her...she then shifted gears and told the driver to take it to stop for a bottle.

He said no!

I thought this would piss her off...but she didn't really connect what was happening

I tucked her things into her purse, buckled her seatbelt, and bid her adue...when she said something that is commonly said among drunks...

I LOVE YOU!!!

I was left with mixed emotions too...I felt sorry for this woman...but knew that this wasn't her first sharade of this kind...

GOOD TIMES!!!

Choices

One of my favorite places to be during a rush is at the door...that way I can control the flow...

I was at the front one day when two rotund ladies approached the host stand. They requested a table for two...and said that it must be a table (to accommodate)...and that they were STARVING

I doubted that...

The larger of the two approached me two seconds later to again tell me that she was STARVING...and that she needed a soda...yes a soda...(she needed to reassure herself)

She turn to her friend to find out what kind of soda she wanted...her friend looked embarrassed at how freaked she was getting...she just said she would take a water...but at no rush

Her Roundness ordered a diet Coke...nice...and Saltine Crackers

I got the ladies their drinks and I went along as usual.

The lady hopped up again and asked me if the table that was available in plain sight was the one we planned on sitting her at...bc if it was, she was ready...you know...since it was a table and not a booth...

THAT IS WHY WE GIVE YOU PAGERS...SO WE CAN CALL YOU WHEN WE ARE READY...AND I AM AWARE OF THE DIFFERENCE OF A TABLE AND A BOOTH

I explained to her that we were not planning on sitting her there...but that we would get her at a table as requested.

She sat back down only to rejoin me in a few short minutes to tell me that she needed to more soda & some saltine crackers, and that her blood sugar was low...I again obliged.

This time I walked back and though of her choices...

She was a self professed diabetic...Most likely self induced as well.

Her choices...DIET SODA & Saltine Crackers...caused her misery.

THINK ABOUT YOUR CHOICES

I Suck...WHATEVER

It has been brought to my attention that I have be neglecting my blog readers. I am sorry...I suck. I will do better. I have two in reserves that I will share very soon. I promise!!!