What's Cooler Than Being Cool

I was in Huntsvegas the other day when Singderella told me she had a patron that was cold.

***Ok so a restaurant confession...when you ask a restaurant associate to make it warmer in a restaurant that they are already sweating in...they probably don't pass on the message***

And if they do...it is more like this, "Hey 42 wants me to ask you to turn up the thermostat because he is cold...so this is me asking you"

And then we sometimes swing by the table and ask if it is better...it is funny because many times when you swing by you have done nothing to the temperature, but just in asking they feel better.

They give you a, "Oh yes, this is much better, thanks"

but not this a hole...and I REALLY turned the thermostat up.

It actually was a bit drafty in there.

I put that bad boy up 2 degrees.

When I went by the table he had more that I cared to listen to to say, "No, I can not feel a difference. It is too cold to eat. I am just way too cold. I don't feel like you did anything. Is Smokey here? I will just have to talk to him about it. Because this is not acceptable."

Smokey is the GM

So I apologized very "genuinely" because I hate when people call rank.

"I am really sorry. I actually turned it up, but I will go turn it up some more to make you comfortable."

Then he threatened me..."Well I hope it works because if it doesn't, I am just going to have to go somewhere else to eat."

I assured him that his drama was not necessary (not in those exact words) that it would get warmer. (at that point I already felt warmer)

So I put it up 2 more degrees...and would not go any further than that...I was not trying to sweat through my pretty blue shirt.

I walked past him again, and this time I could tell a drastic change of temperature...so I know he felt it.

So I asked him if he could feel the difference.

Of course he couldn't.

"I am just going to have to talk to Smokey, because this is ridiculous. His units must not be working. I mean it is just too cold to eat. This is uncomfortable. I don't have long sleeves or a jacket so I am going to have to go somewhere else."

I was happy on the inside, but I could not let it show..."Well I hate for you to have to leave. I can feel the difference, so you should soon. We do have warmer spots in the restaurant if you just want to move tables. You are sitting under a vent."

He cut his eyes up at me and then focused in on his margarita again.

So I let him be.

And he left. Assuring me that he would be calling Smokey.

So then What's cooler than being cool?

Andre 3000 would tell you ICE COLD...but my answer is knowing Smokey...go ahead!!!

Turn Around

I went to get my nails done the other day...and what do you know...Paul is on vacation.

He goes on vacation a lot. I guess the nail business is pretty lucrative.

He told me he was going back to Vietnam to visit his family for a couple of weeks.

I was not sure if he was back or not, but it was 9am and I was up and moving...so what the heck.

I walked in and signed my name on the sheet and asked the guy, "Is Paul working?"

No, he was still on vacation...DANGIT...

I mean what were the odds...there were 20 empty chairs...lots of employees standing around...what were the chances I was going to be told to go to Laura's chair...

He told me...GO to #4, she do for you...

So I went...#15 was what I wanted to hear...that was Paul's chair...it just sounded better...

Or #18...Allan was good too...

So off to #4 I went...and what do you know...PINCHE LAURA.

I stood there for a second and weighed my options...I mean what if she had improved...or what if I went and asked for someone else...or what if she still sucked...and even worse remembered me.

I am sure she did remember me...she got clowned in front of everyone at the nail shop because of me.

So I walked back up to the front and asked him..."When does Paul come back from vacation?"

The date he told me was only two days away...I COULD WAIT...so I told him I would.

As I walked to my car and drove away I could see Laura in the front of the shop watching me...she was chuckling...I know that chuckle...I was SOOOOO glad I decided to leave.

But then I came back on the date they said and the other manager (the one who was there when Laura gave me the Tammy treatment) **reference Anjelah Johnson** told me that he was still on vacation for another week.

So I dove right in and got Rosa...who did an amazing job.

And I will see Paul Next time!!

But that time...I turned my ass around!!

Here's to you Chester

I had another guest shift in Huntsvegas tonight...so I knew I was going to have some interesting fun!!

(see below blog and you will get why)

It was actually a pretty normal night.

The Cowboys were on so their lounge area was pretty full.

Roars would occasionally fill the restaurant. It happens.

It was 3:30 and I was stoked to be there to absorb the atmosphere. (I could have done without the smoke)

There was one particular table that was brought to my attention that had been here for awhile...like hours.

They were about as country as they get. The men had on cowboy hats and were having a good old time.

They had a good bit to drink, but it was spread over 3 1/2 hours and dinner.

Based on our BAC charts they should be fine...

So about 9:30 they start ordering shots.

Round one...ok...a round of shots is sort of harmless.

Round two...hmmmmm...

Chester came to me and told me that these folks seemed to be drinking to get drunk.

This is where I have to step in.

I HATE THIS PART OF MY JOB.

It is soooooo awkward. Walking up to someone and cutting them off.

What am I gonna say?

How are they going to take it?

Am I about to get cussed out?

Am I going to get to the table and realize they are fine?

WTF?

So I walk up with their tickets....Chester said one guy wanted his...I wasn't just being rude.

When I walked up I asked how everything was tonight.

I tried to make small talk, but I don't speak football very well so I am sure it was not very convincing.

When I handed the bills the guy ordered another round of shots from me.

I told him that he could not take more than 2 shots an hour because that would put us over the limit of what we can legally serve him.

The older man in the black cowboy hat thought he would sweet talk me...and asked for another round again.

I declined and he insisted...so I too insisted that this was not what would transpire.

He then offered for me to wear his cowboy hat.

(my facebook status from last night was as so: Am I in a bad dream or something, I haven't seen this many cowboy hats in one place in my whole life)

I declined his offer.

But old man Drunkerd just knew that this offer was going to get him another round.

BOY WAS HE WRONG...

The lady with the three gentlemen seemed to be getting the drift. She asked, "Is this your polite way of kicking us out?" (at least I was being polite)

I insisted that they were not getting thrown out...they could stay as long as they like, but they couldn't get served any more alcohol.

When I finished the younger guy then resorted to lying.

He told me that he was not here for the first round of shots and that he could still order another shot.

I asked him why their were four of each shot ordered on his ticket. He had no answer for that.

So then I answered him with a hypothetical.

Yes...if you only had one shot they you may have another drink.

So he then ordered two more shots and 4 beers.

I told him that I couldn't serve him that much at the same time.

So then he tried another approach and asked me if he could drink the drink if he got another table to order it...

NO

But old man Drunkerd had a better idea.

He got up and asked me to dance...yep...in the middle of the restaurant...he called me greeny...bc I had on a green shirt, but I thought he called me granny...this guy was something

I declined the dance and told him I was no granny.

So he offered me his hat again...at this point he was standing right by me.

Before I could say anything he had it off his head and on mine.

***Kevin Ford used to call me all kinds of ugly names when I was younger such as Domer Simpson, Heady Murphy, and Thomas Headison...I am still scarred (JK)***

The hat didn't fit...so he shoved it down...and told me, "Damn, you have a big old head girl."

As if I needed to hear that from him.

I gave him my hat back when he took my ear piece off my ear. He asked me who I was talking to.

Drunk people always are intrigued by the headsets...they always want to know who is on the other end of it.

He then put the EAR part of it up to his mouth and whispered like a 4 year old...SUCK MY DICK

My mouth dropped along with the lady at the table...and ALL THE GUESTS at surrounding tables.

I took my earpiece back...and as bad as I wanted to react...I smiled at the rest of the people at the table, told them my name, and let them know that if they needed any help paying out to let me know.

OMG are you freaking kidding me...

I was flushed immediately and wanted to castrate this man and batter & fry his shit up and then make HIM eat it...

They paid and left...and although I was offered his shaft...Chester got it...

$4 on a $63 tab

OUCH

When we were walking around the corner...Chester seemed to be in decent spirits about his shaft...his words were, "I can't wait to read about this one"

You here's to you Chester!!!