Who you gonna call?!?

I was a bright and sunny morning when the Village decided that they wanted to celebrate the fungus that worked its people so...

Ok, I lied...it was not bright...nor was it sunny...

As a matter of fact it was too damn early to be up and at em!!!

But we were...with bells on...bells that were provided by Duncan Donuts supreme roast!!!

When they told us Fungus Fest was going to last from 10am to 5pm, I knew it was going to be a long day!!! But, when they told me that we had to be there at 7am to set up...I wanted to ask for a refund...

NOT REALLY

I am a crack head of sorts. Especially when there is coffee involved.

We pulled up to an already overwhelmed man directing traffic...so I did what I do best...I made light of the situation.

Pulling up I saw my sister setting up her booth & blocking the way with her big body!!! (not her behind...her Lac)

As I rolled my window down the man asked me just to please not block the driving space...So I rolled down my other window and yelled, "Like that lady in the TRASHY Cadillac..."

His jaw dropped and I casually swung my head back over to calm him by telling him that she was my sister.

We started unloading like a chicken with our heads cut off...and it was unorganized...so I did what I do best...BOSS!!!

I started barking orders (it sounds so bad to say it like that...I am kind and respectful in my tone)

We set up and Whaaaaala!!!

Well...where was the music...it is 7:30...you got my butt out of bed...sing me a song!!!

No music, but we did get the GSers...

You know...the Garage Salers...the ones that come to your house at 6:20am when the advertisement for the garage sale CLEARLY said 7am...

They got there around 8:30am...oxygen tanks & walkers in tow...

Heck I couldn't tell if the nursing home was having rec time or the GSers were just that old!!!

You have to understand something about the Village...it is NOT NORMAL!!!

Normal to me being open minded, accepting, and tolerant...or maybe just NOT judgmental and RUDE!!!

Our booth was a PLETHORA of things (You like that Vocab word Mrs. Wells!!!) There was painted furniture, beer wreaths, beer signs, crosses, signs about my homie JC, jewelry, and more!!!

The first geriatric woman that passed ACTUALLY POINTED at my wreaths and turned up her nose...but when she saw me looking she changed her tone...TO A MORE DISGUSTED LOOK!!!

This time she pointed, turned her nose up, and shook her head NO at me...I mean really...that was one talented lady...doing all those things at the same time!!! I bet Bingo night at the nursing home BELONGED TO HER!!!

The next group of oldies were these two cute little ladies. They were looking at the sign that said, "Jesus and germs are EVERYWHERE so wash your hands and say your prayers..." They then fixed eyes on my wreaths...

They looked to each other and one of them said, "The nerve..."

So I redirected them to the jewelry that would have probably snapped their frail little necks.

They gave me a look and walked off.

I speak dirty looks, and this one said, "Little girl, do you really think that we would spend our $5 allowance in your abomination of a booth..."

MOVE ALONG LITTLE LADY...MOVE ALONG!!!

The THIRD old lady that insulted my wreaths came in a bit younger model.

She was only like 75 or 80...and had a smart mouth on her.

She entered our booth and I felt like I was at the point in waiting tables where you realize you aren't going to get a tip, so you should just have fun with it...

She asked me if my wreaths were Baptist wreaths?

Baptist wreaths...

Ok, before I clown this lady...let me clear something up...

I LOVE JESUS!!! I was raised in a Baptist Church...probably the same Baptist Church this lady attended...

I was taught to love people where they are...as they are...

I did not learn that there...

Sad, I know!

I responded to the lady with a smile...but the smart ass things that I wanted to say are as follows:

1. Yes, they are Baptist Wreaths...they are removable...when your Bible study group comes over you may hide it in your closet or pantry or cabinets...

2. Sure are...and when you buy a cross with it, you get a free piece of jewelry!!!

3. Or just a simple...Get the Fuck Out of here...<-- My mother would have KILLED me for that one!!!

Anywho...once the old people cleared out the younger, more appreciative crowds came out.

The Village grows a special breed of people...I am from there...CASE AND POINT!!!

There was a young man that was admiring a sign that my girl made that said, "Karma is a bitch!"

I told him that this sign was my favorite...and SOOOOOOOO true!!

His response, "OH, is your name Karma..."

Bahahahahahahaha

Then came along old Coach Moten!!! He is a life skills coach for some of the adults with special needs in The Village. I work with special needs people...and have a special place in my heart for them and people who love and take care of them.

I gave Coach Moten a hug and each guy followed...there was enough to go around!!

A young/older man told me that he was like Elvis..."A Hunka Hunka BURNING LOVE!!!"

YESSSSSSSSS

I was asked not to encourage, but do you think I listened?

NOPE!!!

I saw one of the guys eyeballing Kells guitars that she plated in license plates...he said he wanted it.

He (not having any sense of money) pulled out his $4 to pay.

Coach told him that they cost $135...not $4.

Of course he didn't get that it wasn't enough.

I directed him to my stuff and told him to pick something/anything out...and it was his for $3.

I mean let's just be real...I didn't do this booth to get wealthy...but this young man could make my heart rich!!!

And he was the proud new owner of a PEACE SIGN!!!

We wrapped up at 5 GLADLY!!!

We went home to laugh about the day...wondering what manager would have been summoned had those ladies complained about my wreaths...

City Manager??