Top 10 Things NOT to Say at a Restaurant

The things in YELLOW are the key phrases/actions you should stear clear of at a restaurant!!! If you chose to use them...ok, but use them in context!!! The RED is what is probably going through your server's head in response to the YELLOW...but you will never know it!!!

RESPECT YOUR WAITER!!!

#10. Hi, my name is (Cut Off)
Water
No...my name is not water...that would be the answer to my first question...that I haven't gotten to ask yet...

#9. How was everything?
Can I get some more Dr. Pepper?
Ummm...that is not what I asked, but sure I will get you another Dr. Pepper

#8. Slurppp Slurppp
I am aware that your drink is empty...I was probably on my way to fill it up...those slurps are like nails on a chalk board that trigger an opposite effect...at least with me...let me teach you a lesson in patience

#7. How hard is your job??
Do you want a scale of 1 to 10...when I am dealing with assholes like you...10...bc I have to bite my tongue...on a normal day...about a 4...where do you work, so I can come there and harass you

#6. Pssst Psssst
This is an ultimate disrespect...Why can't you just ask me for something or say EXCUSE ME like a normal person?!?

#5. Sometimes waiters get busy...the last thing we need for you to do is go to another employee...who is probably equally as busy...and say...
If my server can't handle our table...we want another server...
Yeah...with that attitude...Im sure the other servers are just going to be lining up to serve you. We just love to have such balls of sunshine at our tables.

#4. Let me go get you another Dr. Pepper, does anyone else need anything?
Yeah...can I get another Dr. Pepper?
NO SHIT...THAT IS WHAT I JUST SAID...you have 2 ears and one mouth so you can listen TWICE as much as you talk...and why is it that people who drink Dr. Pepper are ruder than others...I drink DP and I know how to act

#3 As you walk over to the table you are greeted by a young lady with a steak in her hand who asks you...
What am I supposed to do with this?
I have a few ideas...none of which you would like...but many of which involve that sirloin going right upside your head!!!

#2 As you are taking a head count of the large group in the front lobby...who is unsure how many are in their party.
You may as well stop counting bc there are more people coming!
Well then when you get a nice round number you get back to me and we will see if we can accommodate...we don't seat parties that we don't know a head count for...we don't have tables that sit "a bunch"

#1 I walked over to apologize that their salad did not make it out before their food...they were very educated...you will be able to tell by their response...
You need to rewrite your menu. This is bullshit. I don't want the fucking salad. Don't bring it to me.
OK...done...and why would I need to re-write my menu when the menu says...SALAD WITH ENTREE...that means with your dinner...you must specify if you want it BEFORE

Just to give you an idea of how long it takes to hear this much ugliness...I started saving these sayings at the end of July...I could have had them all in a week...but I wanted to save it for some GOOD ONES!!!!!