A Serious Case of the Mondays

So I hit the ground running today...sprinting!!! I had gobs of errands to run and not a lot of time to run them...the story of my life.

So first I did my around the house stuff...easy squeezie...

Then I went to Office Depot...

the girl behind the counter has helped me a few times...so there was a level of comfort between us. After she got done helping the lady in front of me I snapped into the moment...I am a day dreamer...

the girl had a shocked look on her face

The lady she helped in front of me apparently made an ugly comment...when she asked her what she could do to help her...and the lady said to her, "Oh, how sweet...you put on your fake little smile to help me."

OMG really...the girl didn't really have much to say to the lady after that...I told her that she should have said was...actually my smile was fake...until you said that...and now the smile is real because I am thinking all kinds of ugly things about you...BITCH

So then I go to Walmart...and now I am convinced that 1/2 the people that enter that store are truely unhappy...

I was parking when an old hag made a dramatic stop of her cart...TWENTY FEET AWAY...she was kind of old so when I got out I apologized...only to receive an ugly glare...and geriatrics and all...I wanted to say to her...BITCH

Then I went inside Walmart...I was waiting on the photo machine and I was watching the people at the counter...I am an expert people watcher

the lady that was in front of me at the photo booth was taking her sweet time, but when she got up to the counter she instantly got in a hurry.

The lady behind the counter asked her if she wanted the pictures cut...she flailed her arms and hands in the air semi shouted...I am in a hurry just give me my pictures now so I can leave...

EWWWW...that was some nasty Mondays

So I got into my car ready to go home before work...and I put my car in drive...I didn't budge, but I did switch gears...the lady driving EXTREMELY too fast with her 3 children in the back...slammed on her breaks and cussed me profusely...

really...really...

I want to tell all these people...take your ass home and go to sleep...then tomorrow when you wake up, it will be Tuesday...and then you don't have to burden other people with that dang case of the Mondays!!!!

Por Favor

When I got to work today there was a rather rotund man at the bar drinking margaritas. That is not so out of the ordinary...we do have a great margarita!!!

He was a total creep...his smile and eyes freaked everyone out. The hostesses were especially freaked by him.

After an hour or so my busser called my to the bar area to meet this guy. He kissed my hand and I informed him that I was spoken for. I then did what any other woman would do...I avoided him.

I saw some regular sit at the bar down from him and I went over to talk to them. J was on the phone so I spoke with his wife...in the midst of his phone conversation I hear J spout...back off buddy she is my lady.

The man then asked me in Spanish if J was my husband. I said no...and that set him off.

He then yelled across the bar...Hey C*ch*...I wasn't looking at your wife...I was looking at her (me)...he was looking at both of us.

I pleaded with the guy in Spanish to please not cause a scene in the restaurant...to please drop it. He insisted that J was the one that started it. I asked J's wife to contain him and let me deal with the drunkard.

This was hard for J bc he is a defender of all women...especially women that he is close to.

I started with the rotund sir by begging him...por favor...pay your bill and leave...I also gave "the look to Teej & flat out told the hostess to go get Paul"

that wasn't working

he wanted to finish his drink...when I told him he could not he didn't even skip a step...he invited J outside with him.

J was now off the phone but keeping his mouth semi shut...when J fired a comment back I changed my story.

I told the man that I would cover his bill but he had to go. Paul was there for my back up. The man started to leave and turned around to creep out our hostess further...when Paul reiterated where the door was...

he tossed an FU Paul's way...and all I could think was...POR FAVOR

Deaf, Drunk, & Confused

This is a throwback...

I am a linguist of sorts...I am sort of trilingual...well sort of...

I can speak Spanish & English fluently & enough sign language to get my point across...so I get volunteered for all sorts of encounters!!!

I walked by the bar top to see three Hispanic guys carrying on a conversation...and one of them seemed to be the one that caught the short end of all the jokes...you know...the one that always gets picked on in a trio.

He happened to not have any teeth and speak sign language. But the smiles and laughs told me that they were enjoying their beers and getting along just fine.

I wanted to be a part of those laughs...I LOVE to laugh...so I joined in the conversation from behind the bar.

My perception of the conversation wasn't accurate at all. The two Spanish speaking gentlemen were together and they were trying to communicate with the Spanish speaking DEAF gentleman. Unsuccessfully so...

The deaf guy seemed to also be DRUNK...and unable to find his hotel. He hitchhiked from somewhere and got dropped off at our establishment. He was sort of out of it.

The guys were not doing well with figuring out where he needed to go...I listened in the cut and then tried a bit of ASL (American Sign Language)...but the guy didn't have any formal knowledge of sign language...he did not look very educated...

So I tried simple spelling...and what do you know the guy didn't understand English...so I sign spelled in Spanish and Vwallla...he got it...EXCEPT his attention span was short...and in the middle of a word he would give me a "Bababababa"...if you have ever heard a deaf person make a sound...it sounds nasally bc they do not know how they sound...add some drunk to it and that is what you get

So I tried writing down questions...he didn't know where he needed to go. The other two guys were fanning their arms to me and giving me the Wayne's World..."We're not worthy" they were amazed at my trilingualness...hahahaha

I think that he has relyed on everyone's inability to communicate with him...but he was unaware of who he was dealing with...

he said he didn't have money for anything...his beer or a hotel...so the nice guys offered to pay for his first beer...so nice of them...when he knew that his beer was covered he ordered another...I heard the two guys gasp at his gaw...so I declined him another beer...

he got mad...and I explained that if he could not pay for his first beer I was not serving him another...so then he pulled out his bank roll...and he had a bunch of cash...so I gave him his ticket for the first beer and let him pay for it...

I was not going to let him take advantage of these guys niceness...CONFUSED...so I shared with him a universal sign...it transcends across every language...it is the shoo...if you are bothering my guests, begging from them, drunk, and not purchasing anything from us...get out of here...

this poor guy was deaf, drunk, & confused

I Should Have Known

I had three days off...three days of relaxation and fun...I should have known tonight would make up for that...

AND THINGS HAPPEN IN THREE'S...3 DAYS OFF...3 CRAZY THINGS ON MY 1ST DAY BACK

I got to work and was tired, so I asked Tito to bring me a Rock Star Juiced...YUMMMY

As we started filling up #3 let me know that a guy was bugging her for her number in the cocktail area. Those guys are fun. I mean what girl does not want to be told to "give me you fucking number!"???

About the third time she declined he informed her that she just jacked up her tip...boo hoo

As I was helping at the host stand when he would randomly ask North Zulch what she just said...she used me as a scape goat and told him, "she said it, not me"

So he asked me what I said...and I gave him my standard response, "I just told her how amazing your hair looked tonight." He looked crazy and asked why I though is hair looked bad...I told him that he said that...I just didn't disagree.

So the guy went outside and was smoking a cigarette when a regular told me that he was hitting on every girl that entered or exited our building...NICE

Lucky for me I had 4 CSPD sitting at my table 73...so I asked them to be aware.

Sure enough the guy grabbed the host microphone and started yelling, "Hey you in the green hat." to someone outside. And the officers asked them to leave...

SO THAT SEEMED LIKE ENOUGH FOR ME...NOPE

After that someone notified me that the men's room needed attention. So when I walked in to vomit on the walls, stalls, doors, and floor...I walked right out and called for back up...I am a puker...and gagged about 10 times in the midst of the cleaning...YUCK

SO THENNNNN...

Two guys came in to visit Guero...it was his uncle and cousin...but he didn't want to talk to them...strange...but whatever...

the guys don't really speak English so I was automatically enlisted to entertain these guys...I was in and out on thier converstations and the more they drank the crazier the topics got...

I heard about music from the 70's, 80's, & 90's...he hummed a few bars...I got to hear about how he was here illegally...that he swam over...and if I called the cops it was cool...he would hang out in Mexico with his family for a few days and that he would be back...

they were harmless...but I still have to do my job...

So I cut them off...and he begged me to let him drink more...but I had to decline...they paid out tipping the bartender $5 & me $10...little did they know I can't take tips...so I gave the rest to Teeg...

they left after telling me that they could get lost in my eyes...those dang sweet talkers...Im not buying!!!!

AND THAT CONCLUDED MY CRAZY NIGHT...I should have known that I would not have a normal day back

Do You Know Who I Am???

Everyone has been in that position where they see someone that they know through someone else...but don't "technically" know that person...only "of" that person...

Anywho...Joy had one of those tables the other night. He had a salad that he requested for NO BLUE CHEESE CRUMBLES. And when his salad arrived at the table...yep Blue Cheese Crumbles.

So he asked to speak to the manager. He told her to send the chick over so he could have a free margarita.

HA...so you think...

So I walk right over to the table and say, "Hey...you got a salad that was made wrong?"

He started the exchange with, "Do you know who I am?" My response was yes. But he wanted to be sure "Do you know who I am?" I again replied yes.

My next line was, "do you know who I am??" He says yes.

So we were on the same page.

He rambled out a long line of bs about wanting something for free...I heard a margarita & a salad and something else...but it all sounded like a bunch of rambling to me.

Apparently he told Joy that he was going to sue us bc he was allergic. WHATEVER!!!

So I said, "the salad was our mistake...Ill take care of that, but I can't give you free margaritas...That is beyond what I can offer."

He then calls me back over to the table after Joy left to tell me she was cute. I looked at the girl that was with him in disbelief bc I thought they were on a date. He then told me that they were just friends...and I said that was a good thing bc you are hitting on other girls.

He then explained he wanted the "friend" to be more than a friend, but she didn't want to be more...GO FIGURE!!!

So the "friend" payed...and tipped 50 cents...BURN...

Im thinking she let miss Joy steal her Joy!!!

As they were leaving he wanted me to put a word in with Joy...

I asked him how I should do it...walk up to her and say...

DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS???