Do You See What I See?

This is my Christmas post!!

I love Christmas...Freakin LOVE IT!!!

The only thing is...

Since I graduated high school I haven't really gotten to enjoy one.

Every job I have had has been in restaurants & has required my immediate return to work.

I haven't gotten to enjoy the tasks of putting up a tree, decorating my house, and just being...that is until this year.

Ok...so all of you who have seen my halls decked are thinking BS...but you are missing the key word...ENJOY...

I have done it each year, but it has been just another task that I have scheduled in between shifts and/or school.

This year I got to do it with the kids...I got to enjoy sharing the meaning of each ornament...I got to enjoy Bubba telling me that EACH ornament was his favorite...and why...I got to enjoy!!!


Yesterday and today we played the Kinect & Rock Band for a combined 8 hours...pretty ridiculous hugh.

And tonight...my husband and I watched THREE STRAIGHT MOVIES TOGETHER...THREE MOVIES!!!

Just because

We had no reason to go to bed early...because there is no reason to get up early.

This is such a HUGE change from what I am used to...and I think I am loving it.


So when as I looked through and carefully packed away the above ornaments I did not see it as a task...

I saw it as:
2010 ornament Mom gave me early this year so I could enjoy it
Snowman from Colorado S&B brought me
Snowman from France S&B brought me
Snowman from Germany S&B brought me
Snowman from my first college job
Snowman Jennifer got me
a pier one must have raindeer
Mickey & Minnie from Liza with love
my '83 ornament that represented me on my Granny D's tree
trains my mother got us since my Hubby now works on them
my Joshy ornament
the ornament Bubba made me this year bc he knows I love Snowmen
a God awful ornament Trudi got for Bubba last year that I put on the VERY BACK OF MY TREE
a wedding gift cross ornament
another Jennifer Snowman

Do you see what I see?

That was a close one!!!

We have this nifty thing at work...Hot Schedules.

It is an online site that handles our scheduling.

There is even an app for it.

It sends you texts of your schedule, allows you to request off online, and allows you to swap shifts from your phone/computer.

It is great...really.

Well except this one time...

So I think I may have eluded to my heart not being in the restaurant any more...and if I haven't, that is where I am.

I got a text with my two days (I have another job & only work 2 shifts a week)...I was not surprised that these two shifts were on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day...That is kind of what happens sometimes.

I have celebrated enough New Years to prefer money...just saying.

When I confirmed my schedule on the computer I saw something that was not kosher!!!

My two shifts were not the two QA shifts that I normally work...but SERVING...

In the words of an old Guatemalan cook named Isreal...in his accent, "Oh HELL NO..."

I just don't have it in me to humor people anymore.

I love the kitchen...the folks in it...but I cannot handle the guests anymore.

I just knew I was going to go out with a Half Baked exit...and I didn't want to do that.

So I started communication early and called in a favor...

That was a close one!!!

(THANKS CHARLES & MENDEZ)

This is...

I would like to start off this blog with an apology...but a back handed one...

for those of you who do not know what a back handed apology is...
back handed apology- an apology that says the words "I'm Sorry"...but not necessarily in the context that the recipient wished

Example:

Girl A: You are a real bitch...

Girl B: That was really rude...you should apologize

Girl A: I am sorry that you are a real bitch...

or

Girl A: You are a real bitch...

Girl B: That was really rude...you should apologize

Girl A: I am sorry that you heard me say that you are a real bitch, but I am NOT sorry that I said it...

So here is my back handed apology...

I am sorry that I have not filled my readers' brains with restaurant humor...but I am NOT sorry that I have not been working at the restaurant enough to catch the jacked up ish that heeds a blog

With that being said...there is a time and a place for EVERYTHING...

or in some cases a blog & a space...

If you have issues that you wish to discuss...whether they be with a friend or a family member...CALL THEM...GO SEE THEM...

DO NOT PUT THEM OR THEIR FAMILY ON BLAST ON FACEBOOK!!!

Although this medium seems like the ideal place to air your laundry, it is not.

Start a blog if you want to rant aimlessly...I mean the likelihood of someone stumbling upon a blog...is well...UNLIKELY!!

The facebook rants only prove a few things:
1. You are a chicken shit for not being able to address the person directly
2. You are messy as hell...
3. You don't care if the world knows your business
4. You are messy as hell...
5. You are pitiful
6. Did I mention messy as hell...

All this to say...I am speaking GENERALLY...this blog isn't directed at ANYONE specific...because I am not a chicken shit...

And that Facebook is not the place to air your laundry...

This is...

Sometimes you need to take your own advice!!!

I firmly believe that when someone NEEDS something...they will go to extreme lengths to get it!!

Example...Crackheads...

they will steal, kill, or well...they will go to great lengths...

So you don't want to be compared to a crackhead...

ok...well how about a server

Sometimes these words are synonymous!!

Depending on the day & amount of caffeine involved!!

So as a manager we are often asked in VERY nice/rude/funny/lame/corny/demanding ways to reserve a table during busy times.

It makes it easy on the managers...bc the answer is NO!!!

We do this because the other guests that will have to wait will get mad or offended.

But what if someone offered you $500.

Well...let's just say that I would have the table set with CANDLES and personalized name plates if it were me...

F those other guests!!!

Loc got a phone call that requested a table for 11...RIGHT AFTER THE TECH GAME!!!!

Here are some logistics that context has not provided:

1. THIS IS AGGIELAND!!!!
2. TECH fans are RUDE AS HELL!!!
3. TECH fans feel entitled...
4. Our restaurant is directly across from the school & a hotspot after games.
5. TECH is a Texas team = lots of their fans travel here
6. There is liable to be a riot if I seat 11 guests wearing RED & BLACK

soooooooooooo

with that being said...I would have had personalized name plates on that table had I been offered $500 to hold it.

The other managers gawked over the table when they called again asking to have it held...and then declined, but offered to call them ahead.

SUCKERS

When the table showed up they asked for a manager immediately and informed him that they were ready to be helped out of their car.

That is the geriatric grandpa that would be paying the bill........

Thumper was the one who got the table.

When they sat down they informed her that they would be leaving her a $100 if she did a good job.

She then turned to me and promised that I would be taken care of if the food went out PERFECT!!

DONE & DONE

This could go one of three ways...

They could leave her the $100 they promised, they could find a reason she didn't deserve it, or they could have just been BSing...and left her a little chunk change.

Either way, this is what we signed up for.

So Thumper is humping along and strolls past QA only to notice her order didn't make it to the computer screen...HOW IS IT THAT THIS TABLE IS THE ONE THAT THE COMPUTER JACKS UP ON?!?!??

She starts reciting the things that she needs and I pick up on the OUT FIRST items...

You see, as a manager we were trained to slow down a guest's internal clock by putting something in front of them. This way they have something to munch on or even look at...so they feel like they are being served promptly.

Salads delivered!!!

This table was...ummm...well...lets just say they treated this casual dining experience as if it were a 5 star restaurant.

Food went out to the table...PREFECT I MIGHT ADD...and they were happy!!!

As promised, they left Thumper the $100 tip!!!

She came back to the kitchen with food that the guest INSISTED she box for them.

She was hesitant...

but not in an, "I don't want to do it sort of way..."

but in an, "I am tired of being RUN by you and your 5 star requests sort of way"

So I gave her some insight...

YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE DOUBLE WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING TO MAKE!!!

YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IN ONE HOUR WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS WORKING ALL NIGHT FOR!!!

You may be frustrated now, but at the end of the night when you are counting your money...think of this moment and smile...

Then carry your ass back out there with the food boxed up...and ask him if he wants a foot massage too...(not the later, but you get it)

BE THANKFUL!!!

I guess that the boxing of food is on Thumper's list of things that she just didn't want to do...good thing she had me here to pep talk her!!!

All this to say...I get up at 5:30a.m. to go to the Middle School I work at...sometimes I work until 9 or 10 to turn around and do it again...

I had to take my own advice this weekend...the same advice that I gave Thumper...

BE THANKFUL!!!

I made more money in the 4 days that I worked this week at the restaurant than I made in TWO WEEKS at the school.

In the moment I don't want to do it...I sometimes have just had enough...

But at the end of the day...when I am counting my money...it is worth it!!!

I AM THANKFUL!!!

Who you gonna call?!?

I was a bright and sunny morning when the Village decided that they wanted to celebrate the fungus that worked its people so...

Ok, I lied...it was not bright...nor was it sunny...

As a matter of fact it was too damn early to be up and at em!!!

But we were...with bells on...bells that were provided by Duncan Donuts supreme roast!!!

When they told us Fungus Fest was going to last from 10am to 5pm, I knew it was going to be a long day!!! But, when they told me that we had to be there at 7am to set up...I wanted to ask for a refund...

NOT REALLY

I am a crack head of sorts. Especially when there is coffee involved.

We pulled up to an already overwhelmed man directing traffic...so I did what I do best...I made light of the situation.

Pulling up I saw my sister setting up her booth & blocking the way with her big body!!! (not her behind...her Lac)

As I rolled my window down the man asked me just to please not block the driving space...So I rolled down my other window and yelled, "Like that lady in the TRASHY Cadillac..."

His jaw dropped and I casually swung my head back over to calm him by telling him that she was my sister.

We started unloading like a chicken with our heads cut off...and it was unorganized...so I did what I do best...BOSS!!!

I started barking orders (it sounds so bad to say it like that...I am kind and respectful in my tone)

We set up and Whaaaaala!!!

Well...where was the music...it is 7:30...you got my butt out of bed...sing me a song!!!

No music, but we did get the GSers...

You know...the Garage Salers...the ones that come to your house at 6:20am when the advertisement for the garage sale CLEARLY said 7am...

They got there around 8:30am...oxygen tanks & walkers in tow...

Heck I couldn't tell if the nursing home was having rec time or the GSers were just that old!!!

You have to understand something about the Village...it is NOT NORMAL!!!

Normal to me being open minded, accepting, and tolerant...or maybe just NOT judgmental and RUDE!!!

Our booth was a PLETHORA of things (You like that Vocab word Mrs. Wells!!!) There was painted furniture, beer wreaths, beer signs, crosses, signs about my homie JC, jewelry, and more!!!

The first geriatric woman that passed ACTUALLY POINTED at my wreaths and turned up her nose...but when she saw me looking she changed her tone...TO A MORE DISGUSTED LOOK!!!

This time she pointed, turned her nose up, and shook her head NO at me...I mean really...that was one talented lady...doing all those things at the same time!!! I bet Bingo night at the nursing home BELONGED TO HER!!!

The next group of oldies were these two cute little ladies. They were looking at the sign that said, "Jesus and germs are EVERYWHERE so wash your hands and say your prayers..." They then fixed eyes on my wreaths...

They looked to each other and one of them said, "The nerve..."

So I redirected them to the jewelry that would have probably snapped their frail little necks.

They gave me a look and walked off.

I speak dirty looks, and this one said, "Little girl, do you really think that we would spend our $5 allowance in your abomination of a booth..."

MOVE ALONG LITTLE LADY...MOVE ALONG!!!

The THIRD old lady that insulted my wreaths came in a bit younger model.

She was only like 75 or 80...and had a smart mouth on her.

She entered our booth and I felt like I was at the point in waiting tables where you realize you aren't going to get a tip, so you should just have fun with it...

She asked me if my wreaths were Baptist wreaths?

Baptist wreaths...

Ok, before I clown this lady...let me clear something up...

I LOVE JESUS!!! I was raised in a Baptist Church...probably the same Baptist Church this lady attended...

I was taught to love people where they are...as they are...

I did not learn that there...

Sad, I know!

I responded to the lady with a smile...but the smart ass things that I wanted to say are as follows:

1. Yes, they are Baptist Wreaths...they are removable...when your Bible study group comes over you may hide it in your closet or pantry or cabinets...

2. Sure are...and when you buy a cross with it, you get a free piece of jewelry!!!

3. Or just a simple...Get the Fuck Out of here...<-- My mother would have KILLED me for that one!!!

Anywho...once the old people cleared out the younger, more appreciative crowds came out.

The Village grows a special breed of people...I am from there...CASE AND POINT!!!

There was a young man that was admiring a sign that my girl made that said, "Karma is a bitch!"

I told him that this sign was my favorite...and SOOOOOOOO true!!

His response, "OH, is your name Karma..."

Bahahahahahahaha

Then came along old Coach Moten!!! He is a life skills coach for some of the adults with special needs in The Village. I work with special needs people...and have a special place in my heart for them and people who love and take care of them.

I gave Coach Moten a hug and each guy followed...there was enough to go around!!

A young/older man told me that he was like Elvis..."A Hunka Hunka BURNING LOVE!!!"

YESSSSSSSSS

I was asked not to encourage, but do you think I listened?

NOPE!!!

I saw one of the guys eyeballing Kells guitars that she plated in license plates...he said he wanted it.

He (not having any sense of money) pulled out his $4 to pay.

Coach told him that they cost $135...not $4.

Of course he didn't get that it wasn't enough.

I directed him to my stuff and told him to pick something/anything out...and it was his for $3.

I mean let's just be real...I didn't do this booth to get wealthy...but this young man could make my heart rich!!!

And he was the proud new owner of a PEACE SIGN!!!

We wrapped up at 5 GLADLY!!!

We went home to laugh about the day...wondering what manager would have been summoned had those ladies complained about my wreaths...

City Manager??

What do you Perpetuate???

I am pretty sure we have all heard the saying...You will get out of something what you put into it...

It is true...so true!!!

When I go to work in a bad mood...I usually am pretty annoyed by EVERYONE...

including my tables

and my tips usually reflect my mood.

GRANTED

there are those freak days that I go in with a pissy attitude & BANK

THOSE DAYS ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN!!!

Regardless of where the cycle starts...it is your responsibility to STOP IT!!!

This is true in much of life!!

Let me tell you about a day that I perpetuated and where it led me...

It all started at HEB!!

My husband and I were running errands & this is where it led us.

We got done with the shopping and headed to check out.

I am a restaurateur so I walk fast...

I walked up to the check out line and turned to greet Titalicious...

But some old lady with an 80's frizzfro tried to cut him off at an angle...OH NO MAM!!!

So I stood my ground...

I didn't disrespect this old lady...my mother taught me WAAAY better than that.

But she also taught me to stand my ground when I was right.

So I did.

after about a 30 second stare I excused myself...

TO PULL MY HUSBAND'S BASKET PAST HERS!!!!

She looked at me crazy...so I reciprocated!!!

Then the lady checking me out told me that she didn't think she should work her job because she wanted to say things to ladies like that...

So between our attitudes we were both perpetuating ugliness...

So off to Sam's...I hope that old lady got herself a VO5 hot oil treatment...

We got all that we needed and were gonna grab a good old Nathan's Hot Dog on the way out!!!

I was in the line for a minute and made it to the front...

I heard the lady that was running the counter solo having a conversation with the man in front that went as follows:

"What flavors of pizza do you have?"
"What do you see?"

"Ummmm are there any other additional flavors that you carry?"
"Yes, but the will take a long time to cook...about 15 to 20 mins..."

"OK, well then I will take that flavor..."
"Here you go then..."

AND IT WAS MY TURN!!!

"Hi, can I get two of the hotdog combos?"
"ummmm, they aren't ready and they will take awhile to cook..."

"OK...well I am really sorry to inconvenience you..."

And I walked away....I let the lady at the door know that she was turning away business!!!

I later told Lesse that the hooker sucked...

and he told me that it was her first day...

IT SHOWED!!!

But I helped her perpetuate her suckiness...GUESS NO MORE NATHAN'S WHEN SHE IS WORKING!!!

Sooooo later I went to work...with the same attitude...

I was working in the kitchen which wasn't so bad...but there were NUBEE's...

Nubee's- transfers that are new to our restaurant

Nubee's= egos, had habits, arrogance, mistakes, pissed off cooks, and pissed off QA's

GUESS WHAT I WAS WORKING...QA

The QA has to sort of mold a nubee!!!

Let's take Fanny Pack for example...

Fanny Pack came in his first day putting SEE SERVERS for every modification he was too lazy to put it, pulling from the line, and just sucking all together!!!

See Servers- a modification that is used when there are no buttons present to satisfy the needs of a guest...TO BE USED AS A LAST RESORT!!! And to be reported to the QA IMMEDIATELY because the cooks don't even START an item until instruction is given.

Anywho....on Fanny Pack's first day I had to give him some server justice (hazing that we give folks so managers don't have to address petty stuff...lots of time problems take care of themselves)

SOOOO EVERY time FP would put something in and his SEE SERVER...almost EVERYTIME!!!!

And what did I do...I embarrassed the hell out of him...EVERYTIME...

I would see an order that was entered wrong...and yell (I am loud as hell...)FP to the line...I need FP to the line...

I would call him out on EVERYTHING!!!

He would grab things off the line and I would be forced to yell...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? DON'T TOUCH MY LINE!!!

Back to the day I perpetuated...

I encountered a Nubee that rubbed me wrong...we will call him James...

James just came in with an arrogance that I wanted to deflate...that was what I was perpetuating that day...

Most of the time I start out looking for ways to like people...remembering what it is like to be the new kid in a restaurant...

I just couldn't with him...

So...after the shift I heard him talking smack at a register...ABOUT ME...not directly...but it had to do with me and the position that I was working that night.

I didn't have anymore fight in me...and Titalicious was already gone from work...

I just wanted to cry...

So I did what any other person would go do...

I crawled into a Miller Lite and my problems went away!!!

So all this to be said...your days are what you make of them...

Your attitudes are what YOU choose them to be...

When you allow someone to have power over you...you deserve what they perpetuate for you!!!

Perpetuate your own life...your own choices...your own power!!!

And recognize that when you perpetuate your attitude & choices...that others will be effected!!!

Don't Make Yourself an ASS!!

We are trying a new initiative...it is called Team Service.

In this means of service we swap off taking tables. Soooo you don't have a set section...just every other table that comes in.

My turn was up...and there were a group of 6 kids at the front door.

(They were 17/18)

They were the kind of table that most servers would assume the worst about.

This was the last time they would get together before they all went to college.

In hind sight I am sort of thinking that it was the first time they have gotten out before they went to college too...

When I approached the table one of them asked me if we had a cheaper menu...Not a great first impression.

I overheard the flamboyant one say that she only had $18 and she still had to go to the movies.

I got their drink orders and they wanted all Lemonades...no biggie

One gentleman wanted a side of fruit...whatever

I brought the fruit out and they were like vultures...PINEAPPLES...GONE

One of the girls spit it out...she said she preferred the can pineapples better.

They ordered some appetizers...and then were ever so impatient about them.

They were being rude...so I was...direct...right back.

They asked when the appetizers would be out and I replied, "Well...we like to cook our food before we serve it...so about 8 mins from the time you ordered it...it has been about 6 so give me two minutes..." And I dismissed myself.

When I refilled their drinks one of the more flamboyant girls notified me, "Giiiiiirl, you gone be blessed!!"

The guy told me, "Ummmhuhhhh...you gone get a good tip."

Anyone who has ever waited tables knows what that means!!!

Those words cause you to ASSUME that you were going to be stiffed...

We call it the "verbal tip."

I kept trucking.

They then saw a pregnant woman walk by and the flamboyant hefer yelled, "DAAAAAAMN, somebody already had that big woman for dinner." REALLY...

She then turned to me and asked..."So the appetizer was 8 minutes...how long...how many minutes till my food comes out?"

I told her I would go check on it...and then the nicer guy was feeling a bit embarrassed that he came out of the house with BeyBey's Kids...told her, "Girl you are acting like you don't have any home training. Jackie...whatcho think about us?"

So I told them..."You are silly...that is all I think"

At this point this loud and obnoxious table has been rude enough to be noticed by EVERYONE in the restaurant.

The hostess even walked up to me and apologized.

My response, "You don't have to apologize to me...this job is about the luck of the draw"

Towards the end of the meal they were frustrating me with their loud cussing. There were old people around and that is disrespectful.

I still did what I had to do...and tried to pay them out as quickly as possible.

I asked if they wanted to split the appetizers through out the table (since they all ate it)...the flamboyant one spoke up quickly (You knew she would), "Noooo put it on the big people tabs"

I told her I was not going to Assume who that was...She pointed...

I gave them their checks.

I have this thing...I don't look at a tip while my table is still there. If I get excited because it is good...I don't want to be that person that perks up when she sees money...and if it is bad...I don't want to be rude...or defeat myself when I still have to fake it.

So when they started handing me their money I did look...at how much...

The guy gave me a check presenter with a fifty on top...and a wad in the back. He said that the top money was my tip...I thought he was giving me a $50 for a tip...I was wrong...he needed change from that.

At this time ALL the other servers kept passing by and asking..."so how did it go...what did they leave you?"

But i don't look...I couldn't.

I tell you I was assuming the worst after Your Flamboyance said..."OH MISS...how I order $12 worth of food and you give me a bill for $14? You just add your little old tip on there and I gotta pay it?"

So at this point I am thinking...Fuck it...I am going to say what I feel is necessary...

I spoke to her in a way she could understand that I didn't care..."You see right here boo, right next to the charge...It says SUGGESTED TIP...a suggestion means you don't HAVE to do it..."

She replied, "Oh, so I don't have to tip you..."

And I replied the truth we don't want to admit, "No, you don't HAVE to tip me.

And I cleaned around them to expedite their departure.

And then they were gone...so I tallied up!!

And GUESS WHAT...I was pleasantly surprised.

They left me $37

THIRTY SEVEN DOLLARS

This was %50 tip

I don't know if it was a mistake...I don't care!!

See what can happen when you don't ASSUME...

So what was your assumption...

Did you make an ASS out of U or ME!!!

The Shoe is on the Other Foot

So just to get everyone on the same page...I am changing careers!!!

I am getting my teacher's certification & leaving restaurant management ALONE!!!

This decision was for my family. I wasn't getting to spend very much time with them...so I had to make some changes!!

Now the shoe is on the other foot. I get to deal with the guests again...on a more intimate level.

I am a great server. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but TOOT TOOT!!!

I have a more rounded view of what the guests want. With that being said...you can't please everyone...I am aware of that.

Yesterday was my day!

It happened...I got my first guest complaint!!!

We are doing team waiting now, so that means that you don't have SET TABLES. I was working with Markel last night...and we had a system. We would take the tables that we would make the most money on.

EX: His friends came in...$20 BAM...
EX: My friends came in...$20 BAM...
EX: 4 girls...HIM
EX: 3 guys...ME

Get it?

Well three bumpkins boys came in...so guess who's go it was...ME!!!

I walked up to the table and greeted it, "Welcome to ******, My name is"

WATER

"No, actually my name is Jacklyn. And that is Markel...we will be taking care of you today. I already know what you want to drink...what about you guys"

Chubby guy with the scabies on his face, "Dr Pepper"
Skinny guy who looked like his mama beat him, "Sprite"

Impatient Asshole, "You don't have any damn money...you should have just ordered waters. (turns to me) You can bring them all waters."

So I excused myself from the table.

There is a point with some tables that you recognize you aren't going to get a tip. You continue to do your job...because it is your job, but you find ways to...hmmm get your own kicks.

I brought back a water, a Dr.Pepper, and a Sprite. At the point that those other boys are unable to speak for themselves...I will listen to the Asshole.

If I brought three waters...I am the asshole.

And I knew that this ass wasn't going to tip...so I catered to the fat and the thin.

Their drinks were NEVER half full...I was on point!!!

Markel kept the douche's water full...Thanks Boo!!!

I gave them good service. I prebussed, I dropped the checks, and I paid them out promptly.

I walked over to the table to buss it as they left to see the ultimate disrespect...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?

Now you see why I ignored this asshole...I am a pretty good read of people.

I have YET to understand why people act this way when I know who they are...THEIR NAME IS ON THE CREDIT CARD SLIP!!!

The other guys left me $6.

That was a good enough tip for the whole table so I would not have even tripped out, except for what happened next...

I see him walking around the out side of the building (WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER>>>CLEARLY)...and pointing with a shit eating smirk on his face.

So I did what any server would do...I started back...minus the smirk.

I watched them get into their truck...and burned him with my eyes.

(I have those looks that make you want to repent)

I also leaned around and looked at his license plate...and acted like I was writing it down...

OK...so I wrote it down...

Why...who even knows...I don't know what to do with it...there is nothing that I care to do with it.

I mean...he is gone from my table...and out of my life...

He is STILL an asshole!!!

And I am still here doing what I came to do...MAKE MONEY!!!

But the shoe was on the other foot...

He tried to fuck with me...with my head...and I got into his...

This is where it gets fun!!!

Loke came over (the manager) and asked me what happened...so I told him...

That ASSHOLE...right there (I pointed at him as he had at me) (we were 15ft apart...through glass and his truck) left me this (showed him the check presenter)...and then pointed and laughed the ENTIRE way to his truck.

At that point the Asshole got out of his truck to come back in.

I just told Loke to "Handle it"

I had a friend that was there eating...I told her that I was going to the back to blow off steam...and that I would see her later.

By her account she walked towards the front door to hear, "I mean, what is she gonna do with my license plate number...she took it down..."

She of course gave him the death stare as she left too...

At this point Loke came to the back and asked me..."Did you take down his license plate number?"

I knew that he wouldn't be able to lie to him with a straight face...and I wasn't going to give that JackAss the satisfaction of thinking he was running something...so I lied, "No, what would I do with that..."

"He swears you did..."

"HE is an ASSHOLE"

So he went back out to deal with him.

He listened to the guy tell him that I rushed him...Blah Blah Blah...

He came back and I told him I did write it down...not sure why...

Maybe to fuck with him...like he did with me!!!

Charles gave me the option of getting in trouble...I declined.

I bet that JERKOFF will think twice about fucking with the next server...

She might be crazy like me...

You Already Have Your Answer...

I always love a happy ending...

Whatever it may be, well, sometimes.

Work lately has been pretty slow, and slow = boring!!!

I have a MID (Manager in Development)...so he does all the work...which = MORE BOREDOM!!!

This leaves me time to catch up on boring office work, update lists, and do what I do best...chit chat!!

I passed the bar to see a young lady studying at the bar...We are Aggieland so this is not uncommon. So I started to chit chat!

She just got hired at Happen's in Historic Downtown Bryan. As GM!! If you consider all things...this is HUGE!!!

All things:
21 years old
just graduated
no management experience
GENERAL MANAGER at a respected Fine Dining restaurant

HUGE

So we chatted...and chatted...and chatted...

I mean really I probably interrupted her from her studies more than she was able to study.

She is having to CRASH into her role.

She is taking a 12 week training program and cramming it into SIX DAYS.

I am the area training manager for the NW Houston area...so this makes me absolutely cringe.

As we chatted...we had the exact same major and she was sharp so this should be a breeze for her.

I told her about a couple of books that were helpful to me when I started, because let's just be honest folks...

Female managers get put into the "bitch" category before they even get a chance to show you if they belong there or not...and a YOUNG female manager...well let's just say that respect is something that some people have problems giving a young female...

BIG SHOUT OUT TO Cuidado...YOU SHOULD BE EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOURSELF!!!

So anyhow...closer to the end of the night we were graced by...hmmm we will call him WTF!!!

I saw WTF sitting in the bar at a booth. When his food got there I saw him pick up his margarita (because it is margarita madness...and we pimp ritas!!!) and graze the cocktail area. He started to sit at a tall table, but then he eyeballed the seat at the bar next to Cuidado and went in for the kill.

It was funny to watch what was cognitively going on inside...in his eyes. It was like he wanted to sit at the bar the whole time, but defeated himself and went for the tall table. Then he got a burst of confidence and put his head down and went in.

I noticed that he had a shirt on with a logo from a dealership here locally...so I did what anyone would expect from me...I sang him his jingle.

After the icebreaker (I am good for those) we started chatting.

The conversation started normally...but went south QUICKLY.

In the first 5 minutes of this conversation...with TWO STRANGERS...this is what he dished:

1. He was 39
   
2. He hates his wife of 19 years
   
3. he will be divorced in a week
4. he has 4 kids
5. he played AA baseball out of high school
6. so did his dad
7. so did his uncle
8. so did his grandfather
9. he played baseball at Texas A&M
10. he would have gone pro but he was injured
    
11. he is only 5 foot 9
12. he blames that on his mom, because all the rest of his family was tall
    
13. he was a special forces dude
14. he hates his wife
15. his dad was a millionaire
    
16. his kids hate his wife
17. he made $19,000 the last two months
18. he worked 3 jobs and slept in his car to be able to afford an attorney to divorce his wife (that he hates)
    
19. he works out a lot
20. he lost 20lbs
21. he sell a shit ton of cars
22. he hates his wife
23. he met a chick in HEB with his daughter the day before
24. he told her to lose his number because his daughter "saw someone else in her eyes"
    
25. his wife got him fired from his last job
26. did I mention that he hates her...

OMG...this is a true story. This man was so obviously defeated in his life...he thought he was perfect...but he was a really bitter, angry, and sad man.

If you give a mouse a cookie...he'll ask for a glass of milk.

Well we gave this mouse a rita, and he had therapy at our bar.

I mean this guy came on STRONG.

But not in a, I feel really secure because I am in the presence of a strong man...

But in a, Holy Shit...this guy is about to roid rage and kill us all...

Bless Cuidado's heart...he set his sights on her.

She went to the restroom and he asked me..."so what do you think???"

"Ummmmm, about what?"

(I tried to play dumb...because we already all knew the answer)

"About Cuidado," he said, "do you think she would go out with me?"

"Oh....well it just really sounds like she has a lot going on right now with her new role and new responsibilities"

And he automatically said...well then that is a no...

He had done that several times...that being...giving himself a no...or painting a negative picture and then leading you to a NO, before you even had time to decide where you were going to take it.

I even said to him several times...IT IS ALL IN HOW YOU PRESENT THE QUESTION...

meaning...If you present something in a negative light...you will get negative results...if you present something in a positive light...you get positive results...

meaning...DON'T DISH SO MUCH WHEN YOUR FIRST INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO SOMEONE...it scares people off!!!

So back to Cuidado...

She came back from the restroom and he went out to his car to get me a card. (my sister is looking at cars right now)

I told her that he set his sights on her...she reiterated that he knew she was TWENTY-ONE...just a few years old than his oldest daughter...AHHHHHH

When he returned he wrote his name and cell on the back of the card and gave it to me...then I saw him do the same...(He was going to give it to Cuidado)

It got to the winding down phase...where they were both going to leave and I noticed that he was lingering.

I automatically go into mommy mode...

I was concerned for Cuidado's safety a bit...I mean I already told you the overbearing psycho vibe WTF gave me.

I walked the dining room to check out my servers and saw the beater that WTF got out of.

I mean really...if you made $19,000 last month and your father was a millionaire and you are this car selling machine...WHY ARE YOU DRIVING A BEATER?!?!?!?

This sort of takes all the stories and flushes them...

And the overbearing gets transformed into psycho creeper.

So as WTF was about to go in for the kill...(give her the card...)

I consulted with my Eagle..."It is obvious that she is weirded out by this guy...do you think she is the type of chick that would play along if I tried to 'help' her?"

Eagle thought so...

So I waltzed back over to their area...I'm graceful like that...DON'T HATE!!!

I asked..."Hey...were you still going to go to Carol's with me tonight after this?"

CAROL...really Jacklyn...who has a friend named Carol...I mean I opened my mouth to be smooth and CAROL comes out...

But she played right along..."Yes, I am still going"

And he got his answer...

I saw him slip the other card that he was going to give to her back into his pocket.

He picked up on the fact that she was not waiting there for him...but for me...

Well at least as far as he knew...

And he left...

There is your answer...

that...

Let's just be real for a second...I am pretty sure I have said it before...and I stand by it...

I think MOST OF THE TIME...that a prereq for Hostesses is to be COMPLETE a dumbass. Most of the time...well Thumper is an exception to that rule.

She doesn't need babysitting, she doesn't really need guidance...she is a go getter.

She does however need to get in touch with her inner bitch...you know...call on her back bone.

People try to run over the hostesses. They pick up on the dumb or the mildness and they prey on the weak...NOT IN MY STORE.

I have always been told, "you can GIVE your lunch away everyday if you want to...but don't you EVER let ANYONE take your lunch!!"

I walk up to the front on this day when I hear Thumper say, "Heeeeelp..."

A VERY plump young lady was standing at the front wearing an outfit that would SURELY get her nominated to TLC's What Not to Wear. She was my size or better rocking a cami that was designed to be covered up by another shirt...

I'm not hating...I'm just saying...dress your body...

I asked for the down low...

and I got the basics (we operate on our toes...so for now the basics was all I needed)

Party of 7...

So I asked the usual..."Do you guys want to split up right next to each other or would you rather sit together?"

She answered in a very angry big girl sort of way..."We WILL sit together"

So I said, "Ok, give me just a second to go look around and see how long it will be"

And I went on my way...to return in 10 seconds to tell her it would only be about 10 minutes.

I went into the back & Thumper followed me...

Apparently when I walked away to check on the tables she had a Bon Qui Qui moment...and spouted out..."RUDE"

The drunk boy with her responded, "What, what did I do..."

She responded..."Not you...THAT..."

And pointed in my direction...

So I did what any good manager would do...

I assured Thumper that the 10 minutes I originally quoted was a mistake...that it would in fact be 20 to 25 minutes.

I then followed up with my bartender about the EXACT measurements of all of the drinks that they ordered to ensure that he didn't over serve them, or jeopardize our liquor cost.

Let's just say that their Patron Margarita tasted like it was from Jaurez, Mexico...

The next time that hefer comes in she will think twice about referring to me as...

THAT...

RUDE!!!!

Jacked Up

So life is full of jacked up ish...

that is sort of the way it is.

There are all sorts of things that can be deemed jacked up...

Days like today, people parking in a handicap spot that are perfectly healthy, cocky jerks...you get the picture.

Let me tell you about some jacked up stuff...

I once knew someone who was dishonorably discharged from the military...

jacked up...I know...but it was his fault...

then later on he was begging for money as a disabled vet...

EVEN more jacked up...

especially considering he didn't hurt himself in the military...

But all that to say...

I have TWO brothers who served in our military...and I respect the hell out of them.

They are both two hard working, contributing members of our society.

Both very normal.

They don't walk around introducing themselves to people as a vet...or expecting anything.

normal

But this other jack ass...

not so much

This guy comes in about once a week.

and once a week he parks his JACKED up truck...in the handicap spot....

THAT IS JACKED UP!!!

And once a week...I get a complaint that goes about like this...

"anyone who can get in or out of THAT truck is not handicap and does not need to park in that spot"

And I am tempted...sooooooo tempted to tell him to move his truck.

I guess the reason I don't is because the people that are complaining are not handicap and there are still spots available...if a man on a walker had to walk a bit...I would say something.

I am not that jacked up...

I mean really...maybe I am...

this guy doesn't tip that well...and is not that nice...

maybe I should...

but why create unnecessary drama...

well....small confession...

the last time he was in, I had a note written that I was gonna stick on his driver's side door...that commented on how JACKED UP it was that he was parking in a handicap spot...but he left before I got out there...

but no worries, he will be back...and I WILL post the note!!!

B T Dubbb

SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY CALI PEEPS!!!

I got a message from an OG...I know my Cali folks know about that acronym...

ORIGINAL GANGSTA!!!

Tawn Tawn!!!!

She told me that she was shouting out Aggieland at work and 1481.68 miles away my blog got recognized!!!

A team member told her..."Wait...Aggieland...does your old manager have a blog?"

In the words of Fogell...

You Missed the Point

People have different styles of communicating.

I would say that I am a get to the point kind of person. If you ask my sister I feel comfortable with people before I meet them...so it makes communicating easier.

I used to have a room mate that would write notes.

Different strokes for different folks. I guess if the point is received then all is well.

Even the best communicator can deliver a great message, but the recipient just doesn't get it...I will give you some examples...

First we will go with the straight shooter method.

I had an employee attempt to call in yesterday.

She used the correct verbiage...she told us she had been vomiting all day.

Because she is not one of our know drunkards we didn't think anything of it...oh...and the fact that she told me that she was "not bullshitting...she really felt bad."

Bullshitting = I had way to much to drink last night and am still hungover

Unfortunately she had already called in too many times for our liking and knew that she was puking on thin ice.

We made her come up to the restaurant and then sent her home. This way it was on our accord and not hers. Because of how she worded it she would have been at risk of getting other sick.

Soooooooooo

This was the Saturday of Chilifest Weekend...and EVERYONE was hungover.

EVERYONE

When everyone noticed that they were working a little harder than they should have...they asked why...the answer was that we were running one short...and then the laundry got aired.

She had been out drinking with her coworkers until late...and they were all here.

The chick who had to cover for her is the one who drove her home the night before.
(She was not the spot blower)

So today I confronted Miss Castillo about the rumors...

"word on the street is that you were out drinking with your peeps last night and couldn't handle your hangover...and that was why you weren't at work."

Blah blah blah....Blah blah blah
(I have heard it so many times that this is all I hear)

She continued to speak...and comforted herself by saying, "but you guys sent me home because I was throwing up..."

SHE MISSED THE POINT

So I put it in plainer English...

"If I knew it was a hangover I would have told you to suck it up...and be more responsible about planning your partying...but more over...suck it up"

So the next form of communication sort of speaks for itself.

I was in the middle of the above conversation when Mr. Whatthehelldidyousay showed me this...

The note is pretty self explanatory, but the message was totally lost in the fact that the girl writing it was a total bitch. I mean really...you are going to take the time to write out this bullshit...and expect the person reading it to give a SHIT what you think, Good luck!!

The point of this was totally missed.

I mean in all reality...his service could have sucked.

He could be a horrible server, but you lost credibility with this bitch move!!!

And the best part is yet to come....

What she probably missed in her attempt to better Whatthehelldidyousay was that HER NAME IS ON THE CREDIT CARD RECEIPT...her FULL name!!!

I bet this dumb bitch gets a few random friend requests of facebook...

This is what you call a paper trail...NEVER LEAVE ONE!!!

That was a point that this Biatch missed!!!

You say it best...

When you say nothing at all...

The past week has been very sobering to me.

I am a compassionate person...sometimes it is one of my stronger qualities...and sometimes it is my downfall.

I was on the way to work on Wednesday when I was redirected...it was about 3:05...

At 3pm an accident happened that claimed the life of a young lady of only 16 years.

SIXTEEN

Tears well up just thinking about what that number means...

no prom...

no homecoming...

no Sadie Hawkins...

no graduation...

no college...

no spring breaks...

no college graduation...

no wedding...

no babies...

no words...

Shakespeare once said that grief is a selfish emotion...and I believe that.

My faith tells me that when someone dies, they go to heaven.

How can I be sad for that...for them to get to experience that...

I am sad for this little girl's sister. She was in the car with her when she passed. She and her best friend...and they made it.

I am close to my sister.

I could not imagine...I wouldn't want to.

As you say your prayers please include these little girls in them.

Lauren, the girl who passed, was a Rangerette (high school dance team) and said to be an incredible young woman. She has many friends and family that are hurting for her. Please pray for them.

After the dance team met with they came to my establishment.

I didn't have words for these girls.

I have felt their pain.

I am only 26 and I have dealt with this 10 times or more...it doesn't get any easier...

but a kind gesture goes a long way...so I comp'd their bill.

Sometimes we say it best...

When we say nothing at all.

Queso's

I have had a couple of "deep" blogs...now I am going to hit you with the good stuff.

I have gone back and forth on whether or not I should write this post.

I mean Rambo works at Quesos...

Scuba Steve works at Quesos...

I am not a hater.

I feel pretty haterish sometimes...but I am not a hater.

A few weeks ago my sweet friend was feeling like poo and just wanted some soup.

Her little boy is quite the rambunctious little one. He is 5...and allowed.

Jaybo and I went on ahead and left Leelita in the car to gather herself.

It was around 2 or so...maybe 3...

around the time that servers start getting cut in a restaurant.

Jaybo and I rounded the corner with the hostess and sat in our booth.

The hostess got about two or three booths away from us when I hear a big ass hissy fit.

"Oh no, no, no, no...they aren't mine...I am cut...I am cut...what are you doing."

MIND YOU I CAN HEAR HER.

Instead of coming over and greeting us...she storms over to the host stand in disbelief.

When it is confirmed that we are indeed her table she went back over to the corner...WHERE I CAN STILL HEAR AND SEE HER and vents about how pissed she is to her friends.

By this time Leelita has finished gathering herself and was inside.

***in my hood we have a 30 second greet time***
***this bitch took 7 minutes (and yes...I counted)***

when she walked over to the table she seemed extremely agitated...

I gave her our drink order and she disappeared.

Granted at this point Jaybo and I were basically entertaining each other bc Leelita was out of commission and the hostess didn't give us a kids menu for him to color on.

When she brought our drinks she dropped them down on the table so hard that I thought the glasses were going to shatter.

I thought to myself...I have had bad days...I am going to cut her a little slack...she probably thought she was about to get to enjoy the rest of her day...

We placed our order and Jaybo decided he needed to go potty.

We went...and grabbed a kid menu on the way.

When I got back to the table my salad was already there...but no croissant...that is my favorite part of this salad...I was sad...

YES A PINCHE CROISSANT MADE ME SAD...Don't judge me

Rambo came over to the table...he had seen me and Jaybo walk by.

Rambo works for me at night...but has worked at Queso's for 7 years.

He noticed right off that we didn't have our croissants and asked me about it...and then went and got it for me.

Then he went back to work.

I then saw our server get sat again...BAHAHAHAHAHA...

On her way back from getting their drink order I asked her for an Arnold Palmer.

(1/2 tea & 1/2 lemonade = all yummy)

She didn't say anything...just kept walking.

When she walked back by she didn't say anything...just slammed the drink down.

Our food was delivered and I realized that I hadn't even looked up because Scuba Steve was the one handing my food in a funny way.

Scuba Steve is the best. He is dating one of my servers and is a winner winner chicken dinner!!!

I chatted with him about life for a second and he went back to work.

So by the time she came back to our table...I was thinking...she saw me talk to TWO people that work here...she had to notice that we got some croissants from SOMEWHERE...maybe she would try not suck as bad...

MAYBE NOT.

I was so pissed that I wanted to write this blog....and leave her the blog address so she could read about how bad she sucked.

But instead we paid and left...and yes I still gave her 20%...it is against my religion to do anything less.

I have been on the other end of those bad days too many times...

I didn't do the blate (blog hate) for three reasons...Scuba Steve, Rambo, and she could know where I worked...and I will be damned if I let her come in and be ugly to any of my people because I called her out on how bad she sucked.

I was talking to one of my bosses who is friends with the owner of the joint. He wanted me to find out her name so he could report that back to her boss.

That company is sort of no nonsense about that kind of stuff. She would get fired.

And let's face it...I am not going to help our competition suck less.

I hope EVERYONE gets the same experience I did so that the next time they will come see us instead!!!

Pinche Queso's

Make it Count

So for those of you who do not know...

I am hanging up my manager hat.

I have wanted to teach for a long time, and I think that now is as good of a time as any.

I have been sorting through all the reasons that I want to teach, I have doubted my decision multiple times, but have come up with the same conclusion each time.

Follow your heart...and do something that makes a difference.

That is not to say that what I do now doesn't make a difference.

It counts...I count.

As a manager we wear all sorts of hats.

The mother hat, the authoritarian hat, the nurse hat, the counselor hat, the teacher hat, and then sometimes you have to know when to take your hat off...and just be.

Each hat gives me a different feeling of importance.

I studied communications in school and am very lucky that I possess the ability to step back from a situation and see it from all sides...

***I don't always do this...but I can...don't judge me!!!***

I am an easy person to talk to...a good listener.

And I know what a difference a simple conversation can make in someone's life...and I want to make those conversations count.

I wish I could be all the hats in the world for every person in the world.

Well...maybe not every person...but most people...

I am reminded of a story I was told one time...

A man who manages for the same company I do left his position to become a pastor.

He felt like that was his calling.

After a year or so he returned...and one of his team members asked him why he returned.

His response was that he touched more peoples lives on a daily basis in the restaurant...guests and employees than he could in a church.

I get that.

When I was in school I didn't have the best example of management....as a matter of fact I thought that it was a prereq for managers to be shady slime balls.

But my mother told me that they were my teachers...my examples of what I didn't want to be.

I couldn't blame them for being bad...that was not going be my excuse to suck.

I was just going to be better.

I am better.

So as you go out into your day...your life...remember that you are wearing a hat for someone...and you are touching someone's life.

Make it Count.

don't be someone else's excuse to suck

An Unteachable Art

There is an unteachable art in which I excel.

This art cannot be taught...it cannot be learned.

You either have it hidden deep within your heart...or you don't.

This art is the art of whit...the art of rhetoric...the art of whipping your tongue so quickly between your teeth that it draws exactly the reaction you set out for.

I am thankful for this art...thankful that I possess this...and thankful that others do too.

I am thankful for debate...be it healthy or unhealthy...it is all healthy...

you must be selective in the ways you use it, and with whom...

My father always told me that it was unfair to go into a battle of whit with an unarmed man.

I am thankful for banter and jokes...

I am thankful for spoken word...

I am thankful for poetry.

Both written and spoken...especially spoken.

I am thankful for people like Joaquin Zihuatanejo.

I am thankful for his style...his flavor...

Thankful that my favorite piece of his tonight contained the phrase, "Mother Fucker..."

This art that he possesses was not taught to him.

It was only nurtured...encouraged...developed...and ROCKED!!!

What is your art...

is it natural...or was it taught to you...

Solidified

So I haven't blogged in a long time...but not for lack of material.

Oh the material runneth over...

and over...

and over...

and over!!

I just haven't had enough...

time

motivation

desire

concentration

or aspiration to relive these moments in my head, for fear that I will experience the same anxiety that engulfed me in real time.

I don't know if I have told you guys this before, but I am a head job.

and not in a good way.

When things are great with me...they are wonderful...

but when things go south...they take a nose dive...and land in a big pile of shit.

That was what happened today...

It is Tuesday...freakin Tuesday...

We played Kansas yesterday (lost...boo) and Valentines was last weekend...so tonight was supposed to be slow in theory.

Well the pinche theory was wrong.

We had some decent hours.

We did the business of a Thursday night...tonight...

we were not staffed for this...

we should have had one more person at the front door...

one more person bussing...

Luckily we had Superman in the kitchen...so we were covered there.

I knew it would be an interesting night when I saw my roster.

We use sports analogies all the time...because we operate something like a team.

Well...let's just say that my roster was all rookies...with a few exceptions.

One of our more seasoned players started be unsportsman like to another person...and all hell broke loose...

you know what...back the bus up...

who am I kidding...this night went to shit waaaaaay before that...

that was just the straw that broke the camel's back...

and my back was broken

so was my spirit...

I have known for awhile now that I may not be cut out for this...

tonight just solidified it.

What's Cooler Than Being Cool

I was in Huntsvegas the other day when Singderella told me she had a patron that was cold.

***Ok so a restaurant confession...when you ask a restaurant associate to make it warmer in a restaurant that they are already sweating in...they probably don't pass on the message***

And if they do...it is more like this, "Hey 42 wants me to ask you to turn up the thermostat because he is cold...so this is me asking you"

And then we sometimes swing by the table and ask if it is better...it is funny because many times when you swing by you have done nothing to the temperature, but just in asking they feel better.

They give you a, "Oh yes, this is much better, thanks"

but not this a hole...and I REALLY turned the thermostat up.

It actually was a bit drafty in there.

I put that bad boy up 2 degrees.

When I went by the table he had more that I cared to listen to to say, "No, I can not feel a difference. It is too cold to eat. I am just way too cold. I don't feel like you did anything. Is Smokey here? I will just have to talk to him about it. Because this is not acceptable."

Smokey is the GM

So I apologized very "genuinely" because I hate when people call rank.

"I am really sorry. I actually turned it up, but I will go turn it up some more to make you comfortable."

Then he threatened me..."Well I hope it works because if it doesn't, I am just going to have to go somewhere else to eat."

I assured him that his drama was not necessary (not in those exact words) that it would get warmer. (at that point I already felt warmer)

So I put it up 2 more degrees...and would not go any further than that...I was not trying to sweat through my pretty blue shirt.

I walked past him again, and this time I could tell a drastic change of temperature...so I know he felt it.

So I asked him if he could feel the difference.

Of course he couldn't.

"I am just going to have to talk to Smokey, because this is ridiculous. His units must not be working. I mean it is just too cold to eat. This is uncomfortable. I don't have long sleeves or a jacket so I am going to have to go somewhere else."

I was happy on the inside, but I could not let it show..."Well I hate for you to have to leave. I can feel the difference, so you should soon. We do have warmer spots in the restaurant if you just want to move tables. You are sitting under a vent."

He cut his eyes up at me and then focused in on his margarita again.

So I let him be.

And he left. Assuring me that he would be calling Smokey.

So then What's cooler than being cool?

Andre 3000 would tell you ICE COLD...but my answer is knowing Smokey...go ahead!!!

Turn Around

I went to get my nails done the other day...and what do you know...Paul is on vacation.

He goes on vacation a lot. I guess the nail business is pretty lucrative.

He told me he was going back to Vietnam to visit his family for a couple of weeks.

I was not sure if he was back or not, but it was 9am and I was up and moving...so what the heck.

I walked in and signed my name on the sheet and asked the guy, "Is Paul working?"

No, he was still on vacation...DANGIT...

I mean what were the odds...there were 20 empty chairs...lots of employees standing around...what were the chances I was going to be told to go to Laura's chair...

He told me...GO to #4, she do for you...

So I went...#15 was what I wanted to hear...that was Paul's chair...it just sounded better...

Or #18...Allan was good too...

So off to #4 I went...and what do you know...PINCHE LAURA.

I stood there for a second and weighed my options...I mean what if she had improved...or what if I went and asked for someone else...or what if she still sucked...and even worse remembered me.

I am sure she did remember me...she got clowned in front of everyone at the nail shop because of me.

So I walked back up to the front and asked him..."When does Paul come back from vacation?"

The date he told me was only two days away...I COULD WAIT...so I told him I would.

As I walked to my car and drove away I could see Laura in the front of the shop watching me...she was chuckling...I know that chuckle...I was SOOOOO glad I decided to leave.

But then I came back on the date they said and the other manager (the one who was there when Laura gave me the Tammy treatment) **reference Anjelah Johnson** told me that he was still on vacation for another week.

So I dove right in and got Rosa...who did an amazing job.

And I will see Paul Next time!!

But that time...I turned my ass around!!

Here's to you Chester

I had another guest shift in Huntsvegas tonight...so I knew I was going to have some interesting fun!!

(see below blog and you will get why)

It was actually a pretty normal night.

The Cowboys were on so their lounge area was pretty full.

Roars would occasionally fill the restaurant. It happens.

It was 3:30 and I was stoked to be there to absorb the atmosphere. (I could have done without the smoke)

There was one particular table that was brought to my attention that had been here for awhile...like hours.

They were about as country as they get. The men had on cowboy hats and were having a good old time.

They had a good bit to drink, but it was spread over 3 1/2 hours and dinner.

Based on our BAC charts they should be fine...

So about 9:30 they start ordering shots.

Round one...ok...a round of shots is sort of harmless.

Round two...hmmmmm...

Chester came to me and told me that these folks seemed to be drinking to get drunk.

This is where I have to step in.

I HATE THIS PART OF MY JOB.

It is soooooo awkward. Walking up to someone and cutting them off.

What am I gonna say?

How are they going to take it?

Am I about to get cussed out?

Am I going to get to the table and realize they are fine?

WTF?

So I walk up with their tickets....Chester said one guy wanted his...I wasn't just being rude.

When I walked up I asked how everything was tonight.

I tried to make small talk, but I don't speak football very well so I am sure it was not very convincing.

When I handed the bills the guy ordered another round of shots from me.

I told him that he could not take more than 2 shots an hour because that would put us over the limit of what we can legally serve him.

The older man in the black cowboy hat thought he would sweet talk me...and asked for another round again.

I declined and he insisted...so I too insisted that this was not what would transpire.

He then offered for me to wear his cowboy hat.

(my facebook status from last night was as so: Am I in a bad dream or something, I haven't seen this many cowboy hats in one place in my whole life)

I declined his offer.

But old man Drunkerd just knew that this offer was going to get him another round.

BOY WAS HE WRONG...

The lady with the three gentlemen seemed to be getting the drift. She asked, "Is this your polite way of kicking us out?" (at least I was being polite)

I insisted that they were not getting thrown out...they could stay as long as they like, but they couldn't get served any more alcohol.

When I finished the younger guy then resorted to lying.

He told me that he was not here for the first round of shots and that he could still order another shot.

I asked him why their were four of each shot ordered on his ticket. He had no answer for that.

So then I answered him with a hypothetical.

Yes...if you only had one shot they you may have another drink.

So he then ordered two more shots and 4 beers.

I told him that I couldn't serve him that much at the same time.

So then he tried another approach and asked me if he could drink the drink if he got another table to order it...

NO

But old man Drunkerd had a better idea.

He got up and asked me to dance...yep...in the middle of the restaurant...he called me greeny...bc I had on a green shirt, but I thought he called me granny...this guy was something

I declined the dance and told him I was no granny.

So he offered me his hat again...at this point he was standing right by me.

Before I could say anything he had it off his head and on mine.

***Kevin Ford used to call me all kinds of ugly names when I was younger such as Domer Simpson, Heady Murphy, and Thomas Headison...I am still scarred (JK)***

The hat didn't fit...so he shoved it down...and told me, "Damn, you have a big old head girl."

As if I needed to hear that from him.

I gave him my hat back when he took my ear piece off my ear. He asked me who I was talking to.

Drunk people always are intrigued by the headsets...they always want to know who is on the other end of it.

He then put the EAR part of it up to his mouth and whispered like a 4 year old...SUCK MY DICK

My mouth dropped along with the lady at the table...and ALL THE GUESTS at surrounding tables.

I took my earpiece back...and as bad as I wanted to react...I smiled at the rest of the people at the table, told them my name, and let them know that if they needed any help paying out to let me know.

OMG are you freaking kidding me...

I was flushed immediately and wanted to castrate this man and batter & fry his shit up and then make HIM eat it...

They paid and left...and although I was offered his shaft...Chester got it...

$4 on a $63 tab

OUCH

When we were walking around the corner...Chester seemed to be in decent spirits about his shaft...his words were, "I can't wait to read about this one"

You here's to you Chester!!!