Huntsvegas...Huntsvegas...Huntsvegas

So I began my night with an awareness of sorts...

I really enjoy working at this restaurant. It is nice to go get a breath of fresh air at another restaurant.

The people are all cool...and it is just nice for a change every now and again.

And the customers...oh the customers...

THEY ARE NOT THE SAME...NOT EVEN CLOSE

So being that I am from a small podunk town not far from Huntsvegas I am aware of the clientele that will be drawn to this place.

I will give you a couple of instances of the type of "folk" we are dealing with.

The first example comes by way of Buzzer...

Buzzer had a table of idiots that decided that they were going to give him the ultimate insult...

a 1 cent tip...

except the idiots only had .24 cents on the gift card

but the kicker is that they left the card

dummies

The second example was Oranganator's table...

They asked Buzzer for change...they handed him a $20

They didn't specify how they wanted it...so I broke it all the way down.

That is just the type of chick I am.

They looked up to see me sort of pointing at them...and by sort of pointing I mean that my index finger was extended in their direction...I was identifying them as natives of my homeland.

When they spoke to me across the bar I realized the extent of their home training.

They let me know they were going to leave it for her...HOW KIND

Third time is a charm right...

Roo had a table that ordered a salad.

When he delivered it to the table he moved on to take an order from the next table.

When he turned to walk back towards the kitchen he was met with a bowl in the face.

No joke...the man got up and stood behind him waiting for him to turn around to show him this salad.

The bald man with a bushy beard was not pleased with his salad...and was apparently impatient.

He told Roo that the salad leaves were wilted.

Roo got him another salad.

When he dropped it off at the table the man dug around in the salad and found another piece of less than perfect lettuce.

He dramatically asked Roo what that was he was serving him...

***DISCLAIMER***

I was not present for this...Roo told the story...and did it so well that I am feeling writers remorse at my inability to stand up to his reenactment. Roo...feel free to comment some verbatims for us!!!

***DISCLAIMER END***

Roo is pretty quick on his toes so I am sure there were about 13,359 things that he wanted to answer him with...

but loving his job ; )...he was polite instead.

The man went on to tell him that it must have been a bad batch of lettuce....

and then decided he was leaving...

This is normally where I would have gotten involved and done something really nice to get him to stay, but it all happened so fast that I didn't even get a chance to get involved.

Huntsvegas...Huntsvegas...Huntsvegas

I must give credit where credit is due...

So I was telling Charles about the poop blog and he reminded me where I first heard the little saying....

oh yeah...that is Charles's saying.

So I would like to formally give Charles credit for that saying...I would hate for him to come back years from now and demand some writer's fees and stuff.

JK Charlie boy!!!

Aren't we ALL a bit BIpolar?!?

So the other day I was ready to go to work...I was even in a good mood.

And when I get there...BAM...Jay Sam told me that I had ANOTHER complaint against my shift.

The complainers said that someone yelled at them....well sort of...

We sort of have a legacy for building CHAMPIONS & ROCKSTARS at our store.

We have one guy that went on to do some stuff with a D1 Football team that was in visiting us...TADD. We also had Fat, who worked there back in the day. Then the rockstars Blair and Frisby were in as well.

I was on the other side of the restaurant when the alleged guests entered the restaurant. One of the old schoolers at the bar made a shitty comment very loudly to the guests...

My guess is that it was Fat. He really doesn't have a sensor.

The guests wound up leaving.

I locked the door that night and went home to spend Thanksgiving with my family.

The complaint went a little something like this...

Blah blah blah...bullshit bullshit bullshit...they screamed at me and the hostess smirked at us. The hostess locked the door as a guest's hand was reaching for it on the outside and smirked again. Blah blah blah...bullshit bullshit bullshit.

The thing that sucks is that they hostess that was working that night was brand new...she hasn't had a chance to be bitter yet.

They were talking about me. Because I am young they mistake me for a host lots of times. And I did none of the things that were proclaimed.

So you can imagine the damper that put on my shift...whatever...

Then the next day I come in...THE NEXT DAY.

It is raining cats and dogs.

I am told that 87 was leaking.

I approached the table and let them know that the table they were sitting at sometimes leaks...I offered them to move, but the asshole sitting at the booth informed me that he was already eating.

UMMMM...so you would rather get splashed with water than move to another table?!?

Whatever...

I told them my name and that I would be happy to move them if they changed their minds.

I was strolling my the front and the asshole handed me my own business card and demanded I write the corporate number on the back of it.

Had he used his pea-brain he would have seen it on the reciept...but I got him one anyways.

FOUR FN complaints in one month...why am I doing this to myself.

This asshole took my night from great...to Oh great...in a matter of seconds.

And people wonder why restaurant managers are so nuts...

Our ear pieces make us schizophrenic and our guests make us bipolar.

I gotta get outta here!!!

Shit Rolls Down Hill

***WARNING TO READERS***
If you are not grossed out by poop talk or gross analogies please continue...if you are...get your ass the hell off my blog!!!

***Begin Blog***
This is a phrase that I hear and use and believe.

What does it mean?

Shit rolls down hill- no matter what your position in life, there is always someone that is ranked under you. So if you are pushing this so called shit...it makes since that it goes down hill.

I mean think about it...your boss is uphill from you...when you have shit...you push it to those under you...bc you sure can shove it in your boss's direction.

Likewise with kids. They better not push it uphill to you...and if they do...you need to reevaluate your station in life.

The whole little saying is completely subjective.

I am up and down hill from a lot of different people. In a lot of different places in my life.

A majority of the people in this little place we call Earth subscribe to this way of thinking, they just don't call it the same thing.

So how does this apply to the restaurant?

The answer is that it doesn't have to...this is my blog...don't try to push shit uphill...I do what I want!!

GET HOW IT WORKS?

I was kidding...it totally applies.

Here is the ranking system in a restaurant...and here is how they are so subjective...

SERVER'S POV: (point of view)
Manager (KING OF THE MOUNTIAIN)
servers
cooks
hostesses
bussers
guests

MANAGER POV:
Manager
Guest
Server/Cook/Hostess/Busser

GUEST POV:
Guest
Manager
gum on the bottom of talbes
Server/Cook/Hostess/Busser

Get it...

It always seems to work just like it did last night for Plemito.

He had the most pleasant group of trashy people that's attire just screamed, "I shovel shit for a living" (in a southern twang)

and I am not just saying that because this blog is about poop...they literally looked like they walked right off the farm and into our establishment.

When Plemito would talk to them the skinny little girl that OBVIOUSLY was there to socialize and not eat would shoo him away by waving her hand as if she had something sticky stuck on her pinky.

When the food goes out to the table it usually leaves the kitchen...and then the plate returns cleanish...

Well there was something wrong with EVERYTHING!!!

The chicken sandwich was wrong, the veggie medley didn't have enough variety, the sandwich wasn't supposed to have cheese, the sandwich needed wing sauce, and all the while this little girl still didn't get that sticky stuff off her pinky.

The icing on the cake is that the shit pushers left him a generous $3 when he should have easily gotten $10.

It makes you want to find out what horse or cow they are down hill from and feed them laxatives.

And sit on top of your little hill and laugh!!!

Sorostibow

I don't know what is going on with these sorostitutes...no doubt it stems from some Daddy complex they are hiding.

They have started a new trend- the sorostibow.

I am not knocking bows. They are adorable...if you are under the age of 10.

At 20...not so much.

And it is like they are competing. The bigger the bow...the bigger the H...get your mind out of the gutter.

So what do we do to combat these ugly bows? We make up a pointless game to help pass the time!!!

Here is how you Sorostibow Hunt!!!

It is based on a point scale.

If you have a sorostibow at your table then you get an automatic point!

If you are able to snap a pic of the sorostibow then you get 2 points. The catch with this is that a manager CANNOT see you take the picture or it null & voids your points. (you are not allowed to use your cell in the front of house) &&& there can only be one pic taken per table.

If you are able to motorboat this sorostitute then you get 6 points. This has to be witnessed by two people or caught on video.

If you are a hostess you must say the following, "Oh my God, I DIE...that is so cute" WITH THE MIC PUSHED so the manager can hear it. (shout out Rachel Zoe)

***disclaimer*** Rachel Zoe is a super hot celebrity stylist...she in no way supports or encourages the sorostibow, but she does have a super cute catch phrase...it is BANANAS!!!

The person that gets to 10 points first gets to eat for free.

I know, I know...this is a LONG thought out game. Where in the world did we find the time to come up with it...and are there really enough sorostibows in College Station to validate a winner?

The answers are HOLIDAYS IN COLLEGE STATION and yes.

Sad, but true.

Now I am not knocking these over exaggerated accessories. I am knocking the adults that make the choice to wear them...

Just remember that the next time you slap a big ass bow on your head...and you hear people snickering...they are probably laughing at you!!

And smile...you may be on camera!!!

Mosco

One of the most annoying parts of Texas are the bugs.

We have species that haven't even been discovered yet.

There are some that are indiginous of Blue Bell Country that are the worst.

I had a run in with one last night.

This mosco had a way of buzzing in my ear at the worst times.

Then just like a needy baby would whine if you didn't respond in a timely fashion.

Well I am not a fan of whiny babies either...

I would consider myself a collected, level headed, happy going person. When something gets me off of my regular mood I get frustrated.

I would like to do some exterminating...with harsh chemicals!!!

PINCHE MOSCO

Sorostitute

Sorostitute- a sorority girl that flaunts her goodies or sluts herself out for MGD 64 or vodka & water with a squeeze of lime

When those late tables come in we all cringe...it just means that we are going to be that much later getting out. Sure if we were optimistic we would look at it as an opportunity to make more money, but we work in the restaurant industry and at 10:40 we just want to go home.

We had a fleet of trucks swoop into the parking lot with the fury of God. Three gentlemen got out so we welcomed them at the door.

The buff one apologized for coming in so late. So I let him in on a secret a server would NEVER tell...we will be here for an hour or better anyhow...so one more table is no biggie really.

They sat there for about 45 seconds and the buff guy walked to the restroom. When he came back he was stride for stride with a pissed off sorostitute.

This psycho chick parked on the other side of the parking lot and stalked them long enough to swoop in at the perfect time.

He looked over and promptly let us know that she was not his.

She walked up to their table with out words. She simply crossed her arms and huffed. And her boyfriend got up and followed her outside.

She chewed his ass for a good ten minutes...NO EXAGGERATION!!

I was asking Dopey to give me the play by play, but she wasn't doing a good job...so I took over.

When you don't know what someone is saying, but cell phones and arms are flailing...you have to make something up...so I did.

In my mind their fight was because he chose to hang out with his guy friends instead of coming over to watch the episodes of Grey's Anatomy that she tivo'd. She had the last two Tivo'd that she needed to catch up on before tomorrows episode and he ditched her.

SHE WAS PISSED...

so then they moved over to the other side of the restaurant. This is where she continued to let him have it...but since he was out of our view he let her have it a bit too.

Then he walked inside and sat back down.

At this point I already offered to buy these guys a round because THEY NEEDED IT!!!

As Jerry Mae was delivering the beer the guy returned...with a sorostitute on his tail.

The Uber Bitch (sorry I could figure out the two dots) leaned into his buff friend and said, "I hope you are happy you son of a bitch, we broke up and it is your fault"

Not taking blame for the part where she PSYCHO stalked him at a restaurant, made a scene, and would later do more dirt...I'm getting there...CALM DOWN YOU!!!

So she pitches this fit and storms out again.

He walks out after her.

As they make it outside she turns around and WACK...slaps him right in the face.

YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!!!

she then does what any woman with sense does...she ran!!

And he chased her!!

She got into her car and started to drive off...so he opened the door to talk to her and she spun off knocking him to the ground...and then he rolled...

OMG

so he came in and promptly let his buddies know that cigarettes were in order.

They went outside and vented for a second.

When they came back in he apologized and told us why they were arguing...

I'm not going to tell you because the Grey's Anatomy version was better...but lets just say that his sorostitute is no longer his problem!!

Go VOTE for Liam!!

Gap is holding a nationwide contest to find the next faces of babyGap and GapKids, and Liam D. is entered into the contest.

liam is contestant # 571836049

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CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED!!

A Penny For Your Thoughts

In a perfect world if you walked into a restaurant with a friend and ordered the exact same thing...it would cost the exact same price...

THIS IS NOT A PERFECT WORLD

The taxes are sometime an odd number...and it has to split some way.

On this particular day Donk was waiting on some less than lovely ladies.

They sat down...ordered the same thing...and ate the same thing...and then expected to pay for the same thing.

The curse of the odd tax hit them. And now it would be split for them.

Someone was going to get the odd penny. It was just going to happen.

What would happen next would shock you...I have heard it all.

The lady stops Donk, "Ummmm excuse me, but don't you think that if we ordered the exact same thing we would get charged the same?"

So Donk tried to explain the tax to her.

So she rebuts with, "Oh, so this happens on a split check...so we should have let you know in the BEGINNING that we were going to be separate."

Poor Donk...she says, "You could have let me know, but we would have still put it on the same check and split it. There is really no way to get around it."

So then the lady starts in sort of ranting, "Oh so I just got screwed then. I should have sat on that side. I got screwed sitting right here."

A FREAKIN' PENNY!!!

A FREAKIN' PENNY!!!

A FREAKIN' PENNY!!!

I will give you a Penny for your thoughts...that is if you KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF!!!

It is bitches like that who will tip one penny less because they think they are proving a point...keep your pennies lady...we don't want them...

Hit From the Back

Here is a Quickie since I haven't given you any in almost a month...

as a woman I am programmed to be stingy...

lmao...jk

but as a woman BEG (Brown Eyed Girl) stereotypically cannot drive well under pressure

We get calls about three times a day that go a little like this..."Ummm who is managing...can I talk to them...lalala lalala lalala...(that was hold music) I am running a little bit late, I will be there shortly."

BEG let us know that she was running a little late...no biggie!

When she got here she told me that she had a fender bender on the way in.

She told the story...

She met her roommate to grab her work clothes. She was changing and driving at the same time...NOT TOO SMART

She was pulling on her clothes...when BAM...

She ran into the car in front of her. The gentleman driving the car in front made eye contact with her to make sure she was not going to burn off with out surveying the damage.

They got out of the car at the same time...she started with the apologies..."I am sooooo sorry, I am late to work."

The guy says to her..."Do you work at @$![!$ ?"

yes...

He says, "Oh, I am late too...let's go to work..."

It was one of our kitchen guys...HiHi

LMAO...she got lucky...

If she had hit anyone else from the back they may not have been so nice about it!!

Soccer Chicks Started a Wave

I hate walking up to the front and it looking like the front door vomited people everywhere...it is just not a comforting sight to see.

At this point we only had Sonrie up front.

This would have been a task for even the most seasoned of hostesses.

The waiting list looked like the this:

UTSA Soccer Team 35
family #1 9
family #2 10
family #3 5
family #4 5
random person 2
random other person 4
random other person 4
and family #5 6

I have said it before...there are two dangerous times in the restaurant...when we are empty and when we are full.

On this day the two happened within minutes of each other.

The 35 was here...and I had 35 seats mapped out...and ready.

Except some butch chick with really nice legs started cattle calling her girls. You go here...you go there...you go here...

and I had to slow her roll...Mam...I have this planned out already...since ya'll are paying together we need to try to keep you in the same are & split between as little servers as possible.

What I wanted to say was Bitch I don't tell you how to kick a damn ball...don't tell me how to do my job.

So she cuts her eyes at me and says..."well I am paying for her (she points across the restaurant) and her (points to another table) and her (and points to another table)"

Mind you these girls are sitting with their families.

I wanted to punch this bitch.

That meant that I had to void all the food...rering it on another tab...have each server print their ticket so I knew who rang how much...merge all the tickets from all the servers together to one...discount the tax...pay it out...then do some good old algebra to figure out who got how much tip...keeping into account that the server that had it under them would have to pay tipout on the sales

I wanted to drop kick this bitch...then punch her again for looking at me and answering me with all that attitude...this isn't the soccer field boo...this is my turf

So at this point I realized what i had in front of me and just sat them...I had other fires to put out.

As I am walking to the back I see a well dressed man talking to my busser...I walk up and he must have thought because of my blonde hair and light skin that I didn't know what he was saying.

In Spanish he was telling the busser that we must have thought he was a dog or something...serving him food with a hair in it.

So I asked if there was a problem only for him to turn and put a quesadilla in my face to show me the hair.

I back'd up...I didn't want him putting that shit in my face. I believed him...but with his aggression I didn't want him putting anything in my face.

I apologized and offered them something else. But he declined. So I took the food off the bill and went for the next fire.

I ran a plate that had taken to too long out to the table. I thought I saw soccer digs so I asked the girl. Are you with the soccer team too...(I was more so asking because I did not get a ticket for a soccer chick from this table)

she replied in a way that made me smile...

I played on the winning team...and pointed at her shirt...it read

TEXAS A & M

WHOOOOOOOOOP!!!!

Poor Charles was in back trying to help Hihi...but with no luck.

Clancy must have done something right bc the other coach (the one who paid) handed me his card to run it telling me that he could only authorize a 15% tip.

Our company's policy is to not ever add gratuity to bills...

So he suggests that I just write in 20%...because the school will pay it if it is written in by a manager.

Whateva...at lease my people could get paid for my headaches

So we all sighed a big sigh of relief...the rush was over.

at least that was what we thought

then the flood gates opened...and in came the waves.

We were all making it as best we could...and by that I mean we were all still standing when we closed.

My girls came in and yelled something that I hold dear to my heart!!

F those soccer bitches!!! I'm going for a drink!

PSA...Don't Shop at Pet Smart

I am all about supporting people who support you!!!

Especially with the economy being the way it is businesses are FIGHTING over customers.

Big name chain retail shops are all doing things to draw people into their stores...as they should be.

It is the little things like what they add to the world that make the difference of where I shop.

Target gives back to the local school districts...I SHOP THERE!!!

HEB donates to local food banks...I SHOP THERE!!!

Petco donates to events that support St Jude's Children's Hospital...I SHOP THERE!!!

Pet Smart...well let's just be honest...

I can walk in to Petco or Pet Smart and give two shits where I am.

They both cater to my dog's needs by over pricing the items I need...but make up for the cost with the experience of allowing me tote my dogs along to help decide what is best.

So those little things make the difference...

Pet Smart is closer to my house...but I will drive the extra miles...I will tell you why...

(Did you doubt that I would)

We are hosting an event to raise money for St Jude's Children's Hospital.

A dog wash!!!

We are going to "Wash Away Cancer"

So we hit the community...bc a community that supports each other...grows together!!!

Petco is going to donate soap & treat bags for the dogs...YEAH!!!

Wiggles N Wags is donating HOME MADE DOGGIE TREATS!!!

Pet Smart said that donating to this event would be a conflict of interest.

If that was all they said then I would have just figured that they supported another cancer foundation...or something...

but what came out of the manager's mouth next was what astounded me.

Mind you that one of our reps went in and presented the man with our intentions...we were going to host a one time pet wash to raise money to donate to the hospital...and that we wanted them to potentially donate soap or other supplies.

His response...

This would be a conflict of interest...you are washing dogs...that is what we do here...why would be help you take business from us.

Our response...

IT IS FOR KIDS WITH CANCER...not for profit...Go figure this Pet Smart is in a retail strip where Circuit City...AND Linen's N Things once lived...this strip is cursed...and your business will be the next to close FOR SURE...

Of course we didn't say those things...because that would make our company the same as theirs...our rep recognized that she was representing more than herself...way to go miss christi

So class...let's go over what we covered today...

GIVE BACK

&

DON'T SHOP PET SMART!!!

I give Props where the are due!!!

So in true Jacklyn fashion I was behind in all my to do's...and time was running out.

I had to go see my fat doctor & get my nails done...and be at work by 11

I got the doctor out of the way & called the nail shop to make my appointment with Paul.  

Only he was ON VACATION.

THE NERVE...how dare he take time off work!

(I am kidding)

So I figured that there was no need to be ugly and say, "Ok, just put me down with anyone, EXCEPT Laura."

I went ahead and went with the luck of the draw.

I got Alan.

Alan is a super swole guy...I mean really...it is not that often that you see a swole Asian guy.

He is actually the guy who did my nails WAY BACK...and when he asked me who usually does my nails...and I said Paul...he asked me why I didn't ask for Paul...and I replied...I DID

but this time he was in a great mood...except for being perturbed that someone jacked up his nail drill...RUDE

But I want to give him his props...he did a GREAT job...so good that he may have become Paul's replacement...

SIKE...but he will FOR SURE be my back up!!

Now you have options!

You will Get Yours!!!

Working at a restaurant is a very intimate thing.

You become very close with the people you work with. Sort of like a LARGE dysfunctional family.

You have the annoying little brother, the stupid sisters, and the new guys...that you are not quite sure that you are going to like...let alone love.

So what do you do to those new people...what any other sibling would do...you pick on them.

There are some things we restaurateurs have come up with that DON'T exist...

1. squeegee sharpeners
2. margarita ice
3. basements
4. the emptying of hot water wells
5. the circulation of stale air

I could go on and on...

The best part about these pranks is that everyone gets involved with it. That is mostly because everyone has fallen victim to it at some point.

Yesterday Miss Waters was due...

I was not sure who I was going to get to do it...Cini...Cini could do it.

She told her she would watch the door so she could do her sidework...

NOTE TO SELF...A SERVER WILL ALMOST NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HELP A NEW HOSTESS...HOSTESSES ARE ON THE BOTTOM OF THE TOTEM POLE!!

So she then takes her to the dish area to get a container...then over to the coffee/tea maker. A restaurant grade maker has a hot water well for hot teas and such. This has a water line hooked to it...not a tank...

So then Cini shows Miss Waters how to hold the container under the stream and drain the tank...

We all looked at the clock to see what time she started...9:56...

Long Legs McGee was getting some drinks...she is really nice so I figured she would spot blow...

during this time you see every person walking through the back line getting all big eyed...and rounding the corner to laugh out loud...literally!!

McGee told her that she hated that part of back work bc it takes forever.

The record was some dummy that did it for 23 minutes...

About 11 mins into it Waterboy suggested that she turn off the hot water valve outside...so Miss Waters asked me to unlock the door outside.

I told her that I could not do that bc it couldn't be turned off while we were open.

Then I grew a conscious...I told her that the hot water valve was something he made up...that Waterboy was pranking her...

THE BEST PART...

She laughed...a little embarrassed...and went back to emptying the well...NOT CONNECTING THAT I JUST TOLD HER IT WAS A PRANK...

I asked her what she was doing...then it clicked...she told us that she hated us...which meant that she loved us...FUN TIMES!!!

Then we explained to her that she had to "pass it on"...it was her turn to get someone else...she was ok with that.

That was the point that we shared with her all the other funnies that people get "got" with...good times...

I found it humerous that Waterboy tried to get her with a second one when after THREE years of working there he called another restaurant to see if they had extra margarita ice...because our frozen margarita machine was running low...

GOOD TIMES!!!

I'm TABC

I was cruising through the restaurant when I saw Joy picking over an ID.

She saw me and called me over. It looked like she needed help saying no.

I looked at the so called ID I realized that it wasn't an ID at all. It looked like she had taken a TABC seal and put it on a card sized piece of paper and then laminated it.

IT WAS NOT VALID

I told her that we could not accept it.

She told me that they accept it on Northgate...it was unfortunate for her that we are not Northgate.

I told her that since it was not a government issued ID we would not be able to serve her.

So her friend ordered a drink...go figure.

I was policing the area...and I noticed that the straw was in her direction.

I was underage once...and I have been of age without an ID many times...but more important to me...BECAUSE ME IS WHAT I CARE ABOUT...I would get fined if she got served & we got caught.

So I was talking to Jay Sam in the bar...and she must have not connected that he was a manager too...because as soon as I left her sight she took a drink...and Jay Sam saw her.

I approached the table to take the drink

I said, "Mam I am going to have to take this drink off of the table because you do not have a valid ID and you were drinking from the drink."

She looked shocked that I was following the rules.

"But I am 22..."

So I asked her if she had a ID that backed that up...and she referred to the fake looking paper...I explained that the ID was not a valid ID.

She then said...but it works on Northgate...so I reiterated what I had told her earlier...we are not Northgate...and it does not work here...

I went further into detail to tell her that if TABC were to walk in here and she was drinking that I could receive a $10,000 fine...and I was not willing to take that chance.

She then told me, "I am TABC"...so I asked her to produce an ID and then jumped right into, "And you should also be very familiar with the rules and aware of why I was refusing service of alcohol."

She then back peddled to, well I am TABC certified...so I told her I was too...and since we both have the same training she knows as well as I do that I cannot accept the ID she was trying to use.

She then wanted to make sure she wasn't having to pay for the drink...I told her I would take it off her bill...

WOW...I don't doubt that she was 22...but I am not taking a chance on a $10,000 fine...especially when she is spouting ignorance...

I'm TABC...please...

If you are TABC, then I am the president...and I VETO your ID...biach!!!

Praise Jesus for Staycations

I learned yesterday that staycation was added to the Webster's dictionary!!

It is official...for those who do not have an updated dictionary present...

Stay·ca·tion \ˈstā-ˈkā-shən\- (noun) a blend of ³stay and vacation : a vacation spent at home or nearby

So I was off for 9 glorious days. I was not looking forward to sharing the 9 days...I am a bit selfish if you didn't already know that.

Tito & I have the kiddos this month...and I was not excited for early mornings.

I am NEVER excited about early mornings.

Those 9 days wound up being my favorite 9 days of the summer.

The were awesome!! The schedule wound up being good for me and them...I am a creature of habit...which makes me resent my job THAT much more.

That is neither here nor there...

All the crazy things happen on my shifts, so with 9 days off I knew that the restaurant Gods had some fun stuff in store for me.

In the first 5 mins of me being there I got to hear how our Country Fried Steak was hard from a man with an EMPTY plate and NO TEETH...EAT SOUP!!!

Then mother nature teamed up with the Gods and let go of a storm that was AWESOME!!!

I love rain so I was in heaven...windows all around me...yessir!!!

Winoria and I were holding the doors open checking out the clouds that were going in a circular motion and dipping down pretty low when I heard over the radio that I had a phone call.

Sweet Tito was checking on the kids...a tornado had just touched down in Wellborn...the only thing was...I WAS AT WORK...how do I know if they are ok...

but I did...I just got off the phone with them, and all was well.

So the power flickered off and on about 5 times...resetting the computers each time.

Then we got busy...the other restaurants were closing bc their power was down!

And those firemen love to eat!

BRING IT!!!

I was refreshed and ready!

I must admit...without my staycation I would have been a wreck!!!

www.prayforkyle.com

This story is about my sister's best friends. They are amazing AMAZING people with a ROCKIN family. Please have your tissues ready...this is powerful!

Kyle's Story from 31Films on Vimeo.

I Pina by any other name would taste as weak...

There are two specific drinks that you can drink without feeling like you are drinking booze...

anyone have any guesses...

Well I guess the title sort of gave it away.

A Pina Colada & a Strawberry Daiquiri!!!

Every time i see one go out I just know that I am going to have to deal with a complaint about it "not having enough liquor in it"

It is a tough visit bc I am not going to put more that the recipe calls for in the drink. I can offer to make it again...but that is about it.

You would be surprised how many people you can trick by presentation.

When I worked at another restaurant that had different color plates...I could take something to the back...put it in another colored plate or bowl & bring it back out...and the same thing that was "wrong" is perfect.

Anywho...I am wondering off topic.

Last night I got my first of two booze complaints...both from Roddie's tables...the first...a PINA!!

The lady ordered a Pina Colada...here we go!!

I approached the table & the lady told me that the drink didn't taste like it had any alcohol in it.

I assured her it did...we make all of our drinks by recipe every time.

She told me that she never had this trouble at Cheddars...

In my head I was wondering why she didn't go there for the pinche drink...I mean our signature drinks are margaritas...not Pina Coladas!!!

I asked her if we could get her anything else but she told me she didn't drink anything else.

It was unfortunate for her that I don't drink Pinas so I had not point of reference to discuss the drink.

She seemed put out because she just wanted a boozie Pina...unfortunately I don't think that exists.

So I walked away thinking the same thing I was thinking when I approached the table...if you want booze...drink a GOOD drink!!!

So I went on with the night...until I was approached by Roddie's table again...this time it was the red faced meth head boys that looked like they had been drinking all day & couldn't taste TEQUILA if you forced it down their throats.

The were disappointed in their margaritas.

We use jiggers (liquor measures) EVERYTIME we make a drink. That is what we do...

this ensures a perfect poor EVERYTIME!!!

The were not satisfied and wanted to send all the ritas back. So I did...I loaded them up...

and went on with the fix...

"Would you like me to make you anything else? We have margaritas that are stronger tasting if that is what you are looking for. The brandy in this particular rita actually smooths it out so it doesn't have a strong taste."

They declined as the rita they ordered was what they normally drink.

He had a suggestion..." How about you make us all two ritas...different ones...so if we don't like one we can drink the other."

I declined with a "well I don't want to 'Chance' you not liking another round and wasting the liquor. How about I personally go remake the rita you ordered and someone taste test it...and if you like it I will make the rest of you the rita so you get something you are satisfied with. TABC doesn't allow me to place two ritas in front of one guest at the same time."

They were ok with that option.

I went to the bar and made the rita...BY THE SAME RECIPE...and what do you know...perfect!!

I was pleased that my mixologist skills were still present!!

I told them I would bring them two more right out...but the taster corrected me and said three...

I reiterated the TABC law that doesn't allow two drinks at the same time...

He assured me that the drink would be gone by the time I got back.

AWESOME!!!

With the next round they ordered Roddie asked me if I wanted to make them...I declined...I told her to tell them I did and they would not know the difference.

She did...and they didn't...

There is a Shakespeare line in Romeo and Juliet that says..."What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet."
(William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II)

Like wise a margarita at any other one of our bars would taste the same...and a Pina at any other bar would be just as weak...

You Wouldn't Understand

Goodness Gracious let me tell you about the heat in Texas...

It is sometimes unbearable.

My amiga Della was moving...so today we packed up to move her.

She did what any good host would do...she bought us breakfast tacos & coffee...YUMMY!!

I wanted to fix my coffee so I walked inside to do so.

(The place we got the tacos from was attached to a gas station)

I put the three coffees on the counter to dress them.

I hear...UM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

So I told her...bc I thought it was pretty obvious...I AM DRESSING MY COFFEE

She then asked...they didn't give you cream or sugar?

NO (i also didn't ask)

UM, WELL THEN YOU NEED TO LET THEM GIVE YOU THAT STUFF...THAT IS MY STUFF...BUT GO AHEAD SINCE YOU DONE WALKED ALL THE WAY OVER HERE

I could have gone lots of places with this woman...but I really didn't have the energy at 8 am

I just raised my eyebrow to her and fixed the coffees.

Then she bursts out of nowhere with HONEY, YOU JUST WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. IT'S A LOT OF CHAOS AROUND HERE...YOU JUST WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

I wanted to say...Bitch, I deal with ignorant people like you on a DAILY basis...so yes...I would understand...I also understand that I walked over here bc I wanted to fix my coffee...the pinche buildings are ATTACHED.

You can ASK me not to use the stuff, or explain that they are different...but when you come at me sideways like that...I am going to do what I want...But as far as understanding...I DON'T CARE

I got done making the coffees and got back into the car while the 7 month prego window lady was asking me what had happened.

I told her briefly...she was very quick to tell me that the lady gets complained on all the time. She invited me to call the owner to let them know.

These ladies obviously were from "Feuding Hoods" (lmao)

they thought I didn't understand...

It wasn't that...I just DIDN'T CARE!!!

Paul is the Mannnn!!!

I went to get my nails done today...and made an appointment.

(I will do that EVERY TIME NOW)

I walked in to Paul finishing up a pedicure.

I went to the table and waited for him...and good old Laura was standing around as if she was given instructions she didn't understand.

Then the lady that he was giving a pedicure rounded the corner with Paul.

She looked at Laura perplexed..."she is doing my nails?"

Paul said, "Yes, she will do a good job"

The lady looked at Laura the same way I did when she pulled out her metal devices.

Then I kept noticing her examining her nails.

Paul told me he thought the lady looked mad...I reminded him that Laura was the one who jacked up my nails, but he let me know he didn't need reminding.

I just hoped the lady would speak up when her nails looked like shit.

I felt bad for her, but I was glad that I had made my appointment.

My nails look great...Paul is the man!!!

If you are going to Insult Someone...Make sure it is Worth it!!

I was doing a guest shift in Huntsvegas last night...I knew there were asshole everywhere...this just proved me right!!

I used to work with Tare Bear in College Station so I had a comfort level from the jump.

She came and got me and let me know that a short angry man was upset that she ran his card for the wrong amount.

I was not sure if he was angry bc he was so short, or because she ran the card for the wrong amount.

She let me know he totally had little man syndrome...sad

Little Man Syndrome: An ailment short men deal with that causes them to be angry because of their height. This often times causes them to over compensate in other areas.

I fixed the amount ran on the card. I did so "by the book" so that his account would not be charged twice...no harm no foul.

I went on doing what I do...I saw an old friend and was talking to him and his dinner date. I looked up from our conversation to a short man pointing at me and then pointing to where he was.

I think that was his way of asking me to come over there.

Since I am not a dog and do not come to commands, I gave him some points right back...I pointed to the conversation I was having and then put a single finger up to signify that I would be there in a minute.

My friend gave me an out so that I could tend to the Shorty DooWop...but I declined...I would tend to him in another moment.

I finished up with my people and walked over to where his shortness was standing.

He slapped both CC receipts on the host stand and pointed to the old one and without explanation he said, "sign this and write void."

So I asked him if he understood what had been previously explained to him. He looked and said, "just sign it."

So I explained again..."Sir these credit card receipts both have the same authorization number on them, that means that although there are two different receipts...only one is going to be charged to your account."

He slurred again, "I know that those are authorization numbers. Just sign it"

So I further explained, "Sir do you see the time the receipts were printed..."

He interrupted me stating the times each were printed.

So I went on with my explanation, "Yes sir, because the second receipt...the one with the lesser value...was run later, with the same authorization number...it is the only valid receipt. It is the only one you will be charged for."

He slapped the receipt and commanded...JUST SIGN IT.

So I wrote VOID in the biggest ugliest letters you can imagine...and in a small corner I put my initials.

He looked at me and said, "is that your signature"

I snapped back...isn't that what you asked for?

He left...leaving a generous $.50 tip...it was coincidental because he was probably an even 5' 00"

WHAT A JERK...I guess it was worth it to him to act like an ass...to make up for something (I assumed it was his height)

FYI...leaving a change tip is WAY more insulting that leaving NOTHING...

So Tare Bear lets me know the next day that she has a class with this asshole.

That is how you know he is an ASSHOLE...he has to see her EVERYDAY.

Tare Bear was proud to let me know that she returned his $.50 to him...in the form of two quarters on the corner of his desk...

THAT INSULT WAS DEFINITELY WORTH IT!!!

And No Linda...two wrongs do not make a right...but that second wrong sure did even the score!!!

Rotten Cheese

I was in the front of the restaurant when I saw a man get up from his table to tell Cheese something. She then got wide eyed so I walked over.

She told me the man's wife cut her mouth on a piece of glass that was in her margarita.

I walked over and she had the sliver in her right hand. I apologized to them PROFUSELY...and told her I would take care of the margarita.

While we were talking she nervously swirled the margarita with the straw in her left hand.

Her husband's eyes were focused on that rita...

Finally he reached into the glass and pulled out a LARGE piece of glass...and when I say large...I mean LARGE!!

His wife's mouth dropped...mine did as well.

If I had to make a comparison...it would go like this...you know those really groovy throw back sunglasses with the really big lenses...

the piece of glass was about the size of some Really gnarly sunglasses lenses

This was so hard to apologize for...I mean a sliver of glass can find its way anywhere...

BUT HOW THE HELL DOES A PIECE OF GLASS THAT BIG GET MISSED???

So my story went from apologizing and taking care of the drink...to apologizing and taking care of the entire bill.

When I offered them another drink or food...she said exactly what I would have...

HELL NO...

Cheese felt like crap...she went over to apologize to them...

they thought she was Philmont (she was waiting on them)...and they tipped her...

So we burned the well (emptied it and cleaned it for those of you that don't speak restaurant) and refilled it...all the time tripping out on the mishap...

So in one day Cheese tried to kill someone and stole a tip...where do we find this Rotten Cheese...we should ship her off to Costa Rica or something ; )

I will have you know...

I got my nails done today...BY PAUL...and they look amazing!!

I saw Laura while I was there. She looked as frumpy as I remembered!!!

No, No, No, No, Notorious!!!

I just watched the movie Notorious...it was good!! When this movie came out in theaters Charles told me his wife wanted to see it...I already knew I liked her, but this solidified it.

Charles told me a story that I had to get permission to retell.

Charles and his wife, we will call her Lil Chris to pay tribute to the movie, have three kids...Ann, Adam, and Alan...ages 3, 7, and 10 respectively.

Alan was at his field day when some little girl was getting on his nerves.

Mind you that restaurant manager are NOTORIOUS for having potty mouths.

That is everyone except me...I am fucking perfect.

Any who...back to Alan and this annoying girl.

She got on his last nerve and he let her have it...he politely asked her to "Just shut the fuck up!!!"

OMG!!!

You know you live in a small town when you get a call directly from the principal to let you know your son has a potty mouth.

And you know you are a restaurant manager when your natural reaction is...OH SHIT...

So 10 years old...I know I started earlier than that...

As a matter of fact I am pretty sure that I was Adam's age when my older sibling gave me "the talk"

There were words that I knew I shouldn't use...but I wanted too...and at that point the talk went like this...

The words are only to be used when you are around cool people...no adults, no teachers, no babies...and NOT YOUR LITTLE BROTHER...he won't understand when not to use them...

So that was kind of how Charles's "talk" had to go...but with a couple of more years between them...86 brother...sub sister

It was from that point on that Lil Chris and Charles recognized that they needed to clean up their language a bit.

I don't know if I would ask Charles or Lil Chris about this...if you do...they may just tell you to..."Just shut the fuck up!"

No Worries

I have been off work for 5 glorious days.

I don't want to go back, but the damn mortgage company still wants to get paid...RUDE.

I have to tell a story that will get me back in the mood.

I was working one night with my up and coming A team. Some of these guys are STRAIGHT UP GOOF BALLS!!! And I love them!! They still handle up and that is all I care about.

I round the corner to DJ letting me know that he broke our hand washing sink.

He explained that he and Jerry Mae were exiting the dish area at the same time and because of the size of their rear ends they didn't fit...and the sink was all that would give.

But DJ had the sink back in working order. There was a crack in the PVC, but it still worked and didn't leak...NO WORRIES!!!

Then the ever intelligent Menos rounds the corner only hearing the ass end of the reenactment and declares...

"No Worries guys, I took shop in high school."

Instead of leaving good enough alone...he squats down and picks up the damn sink.

His ever intelligent self didn't put together that if you lift the sink far enough away from the wall, the PVC pipe that is connecting it to the wall may break...

Not only did the cracked pipe break, it shattered and twisted beyond recognition...then he couldn't get the sink back onto the wall...GENIUS!!!

He dropped the sink...and then squatted to try and regain control. When he couldn't he used his head...

Not to think, If you knew Menos you would know how much of a stretch that idea would be...

He literally used his head...he smashed it against the sink to hold it against the wall...as he screamed for help.

Jerry Mae was squatted against another wall trying his damn'dest not to piss himself...NO HELP TO MENOS...

So I picked up the sink and placed it back on the wall and ripped into him...

REALLY...REALLY...YOU TOOK SHOP IN HIGH SCHOOL AND NOW YOU FEEL QUALIFIED TO DO THE WORK OF A PLUMBER...I TOOK AN ECONOMICS CLASS IN HIGH SCHOOL BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME DOING PEOPLE'S TAXES...

I took shop in high school...but I know my limits...

The great thing about Menos doing dumb shit is the back lash...I don't even have to do much...his peers take care of that for me...

NO WORRIES!!!

Large Circle

I was at the front when a man approached me with his receipt in hand and asked to see the manager.

I recognized his as being the guy who just left table 23.

He asked me a condeciding question that let me know he was going to be an ASSHOLE...

"Is it customary for your servers to add their own tip?"

Oh....this could be bad...maybe it was our mistake.

I looked at the credit card receipt...and decided that I should be smart right back...

The card had a big ass zero with a line through it...no tip

So I said, "Sir...do you see the large circle with a line through it? You didn't leave a tip."

So the man then showed me his itemized check...It was $19ish and the card was run for $22

I looked closer and Clancy ran it on the wrong table...

The man jumped back in and pointed out that the difference was about the same as the tip...to just leave it.

SO HE WAS BITCHING FOR THE SAKE OF BITCHING...I HATE THIS...IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE...SAY SOMETHING...BUT DON'T BITCH FOR THE SAKE OF BITCHING!!!

I explained to him that I could leave it, but that would mess up the table that it was on...and that I was going to change it whether he stuck around for it or not.

So he stuck around.

We walked over to the computer to fix it when I explained to Clancy what happened. Clancy apologized for the mistake, but the guy just smirked.

ASSHOLE

I fixed the mistake...and the guy actually left him $5.

I guess he felt like the A HOLE he was...

You know what an asshole is...LMAO

CONSUMER ADVISORY

Ok so normally I would change names...but in this case I feel like I would be doing all of my blog readers just as dirty as I was just done...

I have gotten my nails done since I was 16 or so...I am not old, nor am I going to age myself...but I have gotten them done a few times...

For the past FIVE years I have gone to Pro Nails in College Station. Paul has done my nails about 92% of the time...the man does have a day off every now and again.

HE IS AMAZING!!! I would recommend him to anyone...he is the most popular in the shop bc he is the best.

I had another guy do my nails once and he asked me who did them the last time...THEY ALWAYS ASK...and I told him Paul always does them...his response, why didn't you ask for him this time...

My response...I did, but he was busy and I didn't want to wait...hind sight...I should have waited...

So today I walked in and asked for Paul once again. The managers (SUPER SWEET COUPLE) let me know that it would be awhile, that he had one more waiting in front of me.

So I agreed to have someone else do my nails...

I dont' really gamble, or play scratch offs, or get lotto tickets...the chances are bigger that I lose than those that I win...

SO WHY THE HELL DID I GAMBLE WHEN I KNOW WHO THE WINNER IS?!?!?

I sat down at a spot and a young lady walked up to my table. She had a name tag on that said Laura...write that down...LAURA...

She looked at my nails and shook her head and said, "Oh, honey you need full set. Not fill, full set...look bad."

NO SHE DIDN'T...

So I said, no, I just want a fill...pink and white...

She repeated her opinion a bit pushier this time...you need set...look bad...

I repeated again...a bit pushier...no, just a fill, pink and white

She tisked her tongue on the top of her mouth and started...shaking her head.

Then she pulled out a nail tip and began to pry off one of my nails...and it hurt like hell bc it was NOT READY TO COME OFF...so I jerked my hand and asked her what she was doing...

She said, I fix this one bc it come up...

So I replied (my patients were up at this point) YOU JUST PULLED IT UP...That hurts.

So she said, oh sorry and put that finger in acetone.

She went on with her routine...the next step was to put the white solar gel on the tips of my nails...she plopped out some metal contraption that looked like it could be used for torture.

She put the white on my nails in big sloppy glops and used the metal like stamps to give it a sharp look...THIS WAS A CHEATER TOOL bc she didn't know what the hell she was doing.

Then as she moved on to my other hand I inspected the first...the white that she put on wasn't right...it didn't go all the way to the side of my nail.

I pointed that out to her...and her response...

"Oh no, I put pink there...look more natural."

So I rebutted with, "If I wanted natural I would not have a big ass white stripe on the end of my nails...please make it go all the way where I asked."

She did...

In the mean time she went back to work on the nail she had to replace.

She glued a nail to what she thought was my finger nail, but it was my FINGER.

She clipped and was about to start working on it like it was in place...I pulled it off after she didn't listen to me tell her it was not stuck on there.

She finally got it on, and looked up and said...I won't charge for this nail...since it hurt.

AND SINCE I DIDN'T ASK FOR IT AND DIDN'T NEED IT...YOU FORGOT THAT PART

So I thought I was about done...and glad for it...

She started shaping my nails and making them the length I wanted...she started with my pinkie...she passed back and forth over it with a file and pushed it back towards me...

YOU LIKE...

No, I would like it shorter please...

and we repeated...two passes and a push...

YOU LIKE...

No, a little shorter please...

she did it again and I did like...so she went on to make the other's match...

except she two swiped the rest of my nails too...so they were longer than the rest...

she said...YOU LIKE...

I sighed and said I would like it if they were all the same length...the pinkie finger is the only one that is the length I asked you...the rest are longer than I like...

She copped an attitude so fast..."You should have told me this before, I could have cut them...you like too short."

I have had this done EVERY TIME...why was Laura having such a tough time with this?

She made them the same.

Then she put the buffing cream on it and pulled out her wand that had the buffer on it.

She roared it like it was a dentist drill and barely grazed my finger nails...and before I knew it she had squirted the oil and dismissed me to wash my hands...

I looked down and they were not shiny...I asked why...

She said that after I wash them they would look shiny...

NO THEY DID NOT

So I asked her to shine them, and she did a little bit more.

I paid this wench and walked outside to my car. I got in and sat down and looked at my nails...I was so pissed off that I wanted to cry and scream all at the same time.

Then I looked down at my nails and I had two nails that were extremely crooked...to the point that my finger looked crooked...and that made me think about Anjelah Johnson from Mad TV...and I had to laugh...

So I decided that I was not going to pay for something that I let ruin my day...so I walked back in and saw Paul...he asked about my nails.

I told him that I should have waited on him...that I needed a file to fix my crooked nails. He game me one and I went to work...

The manager approached me and asked if he could do that for me...I obliged. We sat down and he started filing them when he caught a gander at my dull nails...and he picked EACH finger up and examined them CLOSELY. He asked me who did my nails...I told him...then he got up

He went to their walkie talkie station and called for her to come back to the table.

She rounded the corner with a throwed look. He said something to her in Vietnamese that I could not understand...and she grabbed my hand...

WHERE IT CROOKED?

"He already fixed that one, but this one could use some work..."

She straighten the other finger up and dismissed me again...

The manager jumped out of his chair and again in Vietnamese shouted what I can only imagine was a punch list of all the jacked up things about my nail job.

She got her tools back out and did a lot more detail work...and made them shine.

I left there with good looking nails. That is because I asked for what I paid for...I can't help but think about Miss Merchant.

I started thinking about times that I had to wait on a table that was pissed at me...at lease I got to have breaks from the table. How do you hold the hand of the pissed off person and still do your job. I know she felt what I was feeling...I wanted to choke this woman.

**End Consumer Advisory**


OOOOHHHHHHH YOU GOTTA SEE ANJELAH JOHNSON!!!!

I felt like I was living this skit...

AWKWARD

So I see people ALL the time at work...and when I see them in other places I forget why they would look familiar. I remember most people...it just sometimes doesn't click right off.

Today I was chatting with a patron at the bar. Nice guy...work's at Queso's.

I turned to see who just walked in and noticed an emoish kid. The kind that looks like he may have a bomb in his man purse.

Well there he was...and I FRICKIN SMILED & WAVED...grrrrr

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?

I turned to Senior Queso and geeked a bit as I realized why he was familiar to me.

We have all sorts of folks come in EVERYDAY to apply.

Some are little emoish guys that look like they may carry a bomb in their man purses.

This particular day I encountered just that.

This kid started his pitch by telling me that he worked for another store owned by the same company...my response, "Awesome, but we are not hiring for the position you are seeking. We are only hiring for a host position.

His persistancness responed with, "Even if I have worked here before..."

YES, even if you have worked here before.

He said fine...he wanted to then apply for host.

So just to make sure I asked him if he was in good standing with the company...

He said yes.

Then he back peddled and said, well maybe...I mean, what happened was not my fault...so I should be...

Then he explained...his short version was that he put in notice when his manager threw a plate at his head that shattered when it hit the wall. Shortly after that he put in his 2 weeks and his manager told him he didn't have to work it out...that he should leave.

So then I explained to him that he didn't quit...he got fired...

He assured me that he was in good standings...bc it wasn't his fault.

WHAT AN IDIOT...YOU GOT CANNED AND NOW I SEE WHY SOMEONE WOULD GET FRUSTRATED ENOUGH TO CHUNK A PLATE AT HIM!!!

I knew I wasn't going to hire him...but he has annoyed me with his pushiness so I thought I would waste his time...

He filled out the application and gave it to me. I let him know that I had to check with his other store.

I walked around the corner for long enough for me to "call the other store"

and then came right back around and apologized that I would not be offering him a spot at our store...

He got defensive...really defensive...he told me that the incident happened when he was only 17...that he was 19 now...

Oh...19, that makes it all better...NOT...

He asked me if there was anything he could do to get hired.

I condicendingly said, "Well...if you could change the way you left the company then you could change your rehire status."

He stated the obvious...That it was impossible...

Then reiterated the obvious...so if I am 50 I still can't get hired?

My first thought was...why the hell are you still trying to work as a server at 50...NOT TO KNOCK THE 50 YEAR OLD SERVERS!!!

Then I took him back to earth...and told him...sweety it is unfortunate but sometimes we make decisions and mistakes as young people that follow us for the rest of our lives.

And I sent him on his way...

BUT HE CAME BACK TONIGHT!!!

And I frickin' waved at him...AWKWARD!!!

Luckily Senior Queso was there and I didn't feel as awkward as I would have if I would have been alone.

Senior Queso...if you ever read this...you should know that as soon as you got up from the bar Winoria and Ava swarmed me inquiring the hottie at the bar...

They may come visit you soon at Queso's...AWKWARD!!!!

Grabby Guests

I was in the office when I hear something that is not that uncommon to hear in a restaurant.

Someone burned their finger.

Then that was reinforced by Macaroni. She had that look...she just said, "this lady is pissed."

She had a care package put together to give the lady...

When I approached the table the woman ALMOST seemed like she was going to be nice...almost. She started off smooth, and then threw in the F bomb.

The way it was Prexpained to me.

**I was an English major...that means I can make up words**

Mercedes dropped the food off at the tables...some SIZZLIN fajitas...and put the fajitas in front of the mother.

When we train our servers we train them to put them away from the children.

This lady flipped out and pushed the skillet with her bare hand...thus burning it.

End Prexplaination

So her F bomb came in this form, "Who the FUCK puts a skillet in front of a 15 month old child. I mean, you just don't do it. It is because she is not a mother. "

Then she tries to appeal to my womanhood. She was VERY scam artistesk...

She continues, "You are a mother. You know. I can tell by how you look at him."

So I answer her with an apology and a, "No mam, I am not a mother. But common sense does tell me that you don't put that in front of a child."

She told me off the jump that she thought she was going to the ER. That she had 3rd degree burns...

So I asked to see them.

They didn't really even look that pink...she automatically commented on that...telling me they would be burnt soon...

I was beginning to ask myself if this woman was drunk.

Then I thought maybe I was drunk...bc the kid at the table looked like a little girl straight out of a horror film. She had a creepy little voice...and she said in the most mono toned voice..."I'm worried about my mommy. She is hurting bad. She is going to have to go to the hospital."

GIVE ME A BREAK

So I box up the little girl's food as her mom calls people and screams the F bomb each time as she reacts the whole damn thing.

The whole time I was boxing up the food the little munchkin was grabbing everything...I understood this lady's concern...

But there were some questions she was asking that were just plain fishy.

Then as she was leaving she asked the new hostess Crash if she was the manager. When she said no...she said, "Oh so ya'll have two fat girls running around here."

MIND YOU THIS LADY WAS NOT THIN!!!

I mean what is worse than being fat...

BEING SHORT AND FAT!!!

I am a thickin...and aware...

And I am ok with that. Crash, however, is young...and not as comfortable in her skin.

That woman envoked a nasty part of me that wanted to do vile things to her...

I wanted to Grab her...

I am Talking here...

I pace through the dining room all shift long doing whatever it is that I do.

I help seat guests, run payments, and just chat with people to make sure all is well.

I saw a short woman enter the restaurant with the 80's do that screamed please put some product on my bad perm...

I asked her how many she would be having...she didn't stop walking as she told me she would have one, but was going to the ladies room first.

Cool...I totally understand what it is like to have to pee that bad!!!

When she came back I showed her to her table.

I was making rounds a little bit later when I saw her get up from her corner table...plate in hand and chase Gallo down.

I walked up with some haste as she was very hasty in her movements.

When I approached them to ask what was wrong or if I could help...I received a finger in my face letting me know that she was talking here...and that she WOULD finish.

Shit, if it is like that then let me tell you what else WOULD happen...

If you wouldn't have been so rude I WOULD have had you another steak made, or I WOULD have done something with your bill to make it better for her...

But as it stood...finger in my face...I WOULD then only watch her server take her steak to the back and microwave it and then send it right back out...FULL PRICE!!!

My mother has always told me that you attract more flies with sugar than vinegar...the only thing that lady attracted was some A1 for her shoe leather reheated steak!!!

Bitch

Whatever...

I need to get with the program...I get it...

No need for the hate mail...

sike...any exposure is good exposure!!!

Red Flag

When Chilifest lets out that glorious Saturday night...all the drunks come crawling out of the woodworks...

and they seem to flock to our establishment.

We were in a predicament bc we are in a contest that involves us selling tons of margaritas...but you can serve tequila to people who can barely keep their eyes open.

If our patrons had that yellow wristband on...that was our RED FLAG that they may be too intoxicated to drink anymore.

Some times our RED FLAGS are not as obvious...

But sometimes they are...

and sometimes they are not red at all...

Sometimes they are blue and silver and say Keystone on the side...

In walks an enormously large drunkard that we will call Stevie...

With a Keystone Light in his hands.

Stevie has inside connects so he may have felt like this was ok...it is not!

I was notified by radio that we had someone cruisin' around with a can...

When I came to the scene of the incident FD told me that he had it under control...I didn't doubt him, but I figured Spitfire may have had an equal role.

Stevie was hovering the bar area...when he spotted me he came over to where I was.

I had to clarify that he really came in with beer in hand...

DID THAT REALLY HAPPEN...he said yes...and assured me that it was ok...

I assured him that it was not ok...and that he owed Spitfire an apology...

He apologized and went to his table...

Where they were ALL denied booze.

I thought that was it, then Spitfire told me that it was deeper than that.

He walked in like he owned the joint (beer in hand) and when Spitfire told him that he would have to wait for a table he replied...FUCK THAT. Those other fuckers can wait.

Ewwwww not cool at all...Stevie was working his way into the dog house.

Spitfire sat him in someone's section that she knew could handle them...her hubby!!

That night I had told me peeps that if they were unsure or uncomfortable telling a table they could not order booze...come get me...I would check them out and make the final call...

Senior Spitfire never needed to call me over...Stevie's RED FLAG was loud and clear...

I heard that...

We have an amazing incentive package for our team members...

What is better than getting to enjoy our food?

Getting to enjoy it for 1/2 price!!!

We do that for them, and up to 4 friends...

But it is like an expired credit card...it is no good if your time is up!!!

I got called into the bar tonight by FD to do a discount. I ran the card and chatted it up with the two red wasted faced boys in front of me.

Chilifest was this weekend and you can always tell who went by the burns on their skin!

I ran the card and it DECLINED!!!

This actually happens a lot to us bc we have lots of students that still "work" at their store at home. But if you don't work in 30 days the computer kicks you out of the system.

So I asked him when the last time he worked was, because that is usually my explanation of why the card didn't work.

But his answer was the last week...hmmmmm

I asked him the number to his store, because I am sure that computers mess up SOMETIMES...this may have been that time.

I called the store and spoke with the manager. She told me that guy got fired a month and 1/2 ago for NCNS.

(No Call No Show)

She asked me if I was going to cut up his card in front of him...I sort of wanted to...but he was already wasted...

I rounded the bar and told him that his "old" store said he no longer worked there.

He said, "Oh, yeah...well I quit last week."

So my next questions (that I only asked in my head because there was an audience at the bar) were...

1. What made you think you could use a Team Member Rewards card if you are NOT A TEAM MEMBER?!?!?

2. If you knew you got fired a month and 1/2 ago...why would you give me the number to call and check it out???

3. If you know I just got off the phone with your manager...WHY WOULD YOU LIE and tell me you quit?

4. Are you really this big of a dumbass naturally or do you have to work hard at it?

Needless to say I did not give him the card back so he could waste another manager's time.

I was on my way out of the bar to carry on with my business when he leaned to his buddy and said..."I got fired last month..."

So I poked my head back around and replied..."I heard that..."

and asked myself question number four one more time!!!

Hmmm what to blame, what to blame...

So today I was working the front (of the restaurant...get your head out of the gutter)

A lady came in and asked for a table by a window...for her grandmother, who didn't see well. I told her that we also had large print menus...

She thanked me but declined...her grandmother had Macular Degeneration.

So did mine...I shared.

She told me she was also 92...my grandma was 96.

So I wanted to open the door for this lady...not sure if this was a good move or a bad move.

When I laid eyes on this sweet lady with her daughter and grand daughter on either arm I was reminded of my grandmother. This small in frame woman looked scarily similar to my grandmother.

My eyes welled up with tears...and I could not hold them back.

But I didn't want to worry a woman who could only hear my cries.

So I sucked it up and welcomed her as if she were in my home. And after she was in, I was out. I had to go crack.

The lady that requested the bright table came out and hugged my neck. And told me that there was a reason that I was remembering. I believe her.

I gathered myself as much as I could...(it wasn't that much)

I thought I had it together until I saw her again later.

She was listening to her creations talk. She wasn't looking at their faces. She was looking towards their voices.

Blindness is a painful thing...

I wanted to love on her. I wanted to help her with her food and make sure she got what ever she needed.

But I fed them instead.

The crazy thing was that I had thought about her earlier that morning as I stumbled upon her birthday. May 7th.

I wondered if I would ever be able to forget. Hoping that I wouldn't.

Soooo then I go into the office to "man up" and read some horrible new...on a text message...

I was told that an old friend of mine died...on a text message...

I was in disbelief. Shocked...I had just seen her last week and talked to her for a good hour and a half.

And I had to hear about it on a text message...

I was mad, sad, and emotional already.

I just felt still.

And I didn't know what to blame my emptiness on.

Poison!!!

This call started like any other...

"I need to speak to a manager please..."

Here we go...

Paul and Flaco were in the office with me when I answered, "this is Jacklyn speaking, how can i help you."

When there is a complaint on the food it starts by listing what was eaten...so the Dude started...

My wife and I were in your restaurant last night and ordered the Buffalo Fajitas. When we got home we were so parched that we had to drink water all that night. Even the next day.

***I was confused...was this man calling me to tell me he had to drink water...that is life player***

So after he was so thirsty he decided to look up our nutritional info on the web. He found out that what he ate had 5260 mgs of sodium...except he kept telling me grams...BIG DIFFERENCE

After reading this he went to his doctor, who convinced him that we poisoned him.

F'n Doctors

So from that diagnosis he felt victimized and decided that he wanted someone to pay...to suffer like he had.

He told me that he had already called the health department to notify them of his poisoning and that his next call after us was going to be to the police station.

All the while repeating FIVE THOUSAND GRAMS OF SODIUM.

He told me he wanted me, all the servers, and all the cooks to go to jail.

I started with what I was supposed to..."Sir I am sorry that you did not feel well after eating our food. Is there anything that I can do to make this better for you?"

He then ranted some more about how I was poisoning people everyday...he even gave me a scenario, "Right now...there is a couple entering your restaurant...65 maybe 75...they are going to order those fajitas...have a heart attack and die...and their blood would be on my hands." FIVE THOUSAND GRAMS OF SODIUM

He then asked me how a judge would feel about that...

So I answered him, because I had been doing more listening at that point...

I told him, " Well sir, a judge would probably say that just like you had the nutritional information available to you after the fact...they had that information available before hand upon request...and they made a CHOICE to come into our restaurant...and they made a CHOICE to order that menu item...and they made a CHOICE to eat it. We did not force you to eat your meal. If you had a preexisting condition that limits your sodium intake, we have healthier options, but the facts are that YOU made the CHOICE to eat what you ate. Therefore a judge would hold YOU responsible for YOUR CHOICES."

He back peddled a bit and said that he didn't want me to go to jail...BUT THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID

He asked me who distributed our food...I told him I could not give him that info...

He asked who made our menu item recipes...I told him I could not give him that info either...

He wanted me to give him the name of someone that he could hold responsible. I told him that no one was responsible for his choices but him.

He did not like that...because he had now chewed my ear for 25 minutes I figured I should give him some attention from the big guy...

So I asked him for his name and info...he gave me his address but asked me not to mail him anything...so I asked for his email...he did not want to give that out. I asked for his number and told him that my AD would love to talk to him...

His smart ass answer was...oh, he actually works...

I responded, "Yes sir, we all work around here."

He didn't want to give me his info at first, only to make a suggestion that we take a menu item off them menu...

So my response was...sir we have over 1200 stores nation wide...to change our menu to take one item off would cost the company thousands and thousands of dollars.

An anonymous complaint would not make that happen. The claim has no grounds, no credit, and no chance of changing our menu.

However if I can put a name, some doctor records, and some credibility behind it...something may happen.

But if he was only making an ANONYMOUS complaint...

His complaint has been heard...and I need to go prep up some fajitas for the next person that make the CHOICE to order them.

So after talking around in circles with this man...I realized that his debating skills were not at the level mine were...bc I had not even begun...and he was finished...

So I passed him off to the Rojo Grande...and warned the Rojo Grande that we may be sharing a cell later...to have bond money ready.

And since then...I have seen that menu item go out many times...and each time I think out loud to myself...POISON!!!! and laugh

Just Fake It

I could take that title soooooooo many different places, but I will focus on what is pertinent to this blog.

As a server or really anyone who is employed at a restaurant, we fake it DAILY!!!

When you are at work you have to check your personal life at the door. I have to be honest...that is sometimes the hardest part of my job.

Especially when I see someone that I don't like, or would rather avoid...you don't really have that option.

Last night I was put in a position where my faking it forte paid off...I was put in one of the most awkward of awkward situations...and I nailed it...I smiled so big when I wanted to scream & all appeared to be perfect!!!

At least to the people who don't know me as well...for those who know me, for those who get me...

I am transparent.

My fakes are shown through as fraudulent...and my lies are received as bullshit.

I think this is because my personality doesn't really operate on a superficial level. Everyone that I meet and accept into my heart...is trusted with my heart. So I feel like they deserve what is real...and when my heart is pissed...or happy...or cracked out crazy...it shows...

Lately everyone has been curious what is going on with me...and I am having trouble faking it...

Everyday on the radio the Graham Man reminds us that tough times don't last...tough people do...

I am just having trouble faking it...and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel so that makes it hard to forge a gap fake...

But I am going to do it...until I can't do it anymore...or until I don't have to do it anymore...

Which ever comes first!

Oh Buffy

This blog is dedicated to my favorite Squirkle...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!

Miss Garcia Fernandez ran at me on the back line screaming, "You will NEVER guess who is here..."

So I was scared for a couple of reasons:

1. she RAN at me
2. the look on her face
3. Miss G never really gets excited about people being there...specific people that is

With eyes wide open she said, "BUFFY"

I laughed...bc if I were coming up with the name I would probably come up with something that makes fun of her horrendous last name, or her manly voice...but Big Jack has done the work for me!! PREESH!!!

Madisonville was DEEP at the restaurant that night...Totita was at the front door, Winoria was there, and of course Miss G...and ALL of these ladies knew the stories behind this that made it so funny.

To make things more akward for her (Buffy that is) she got to sit there for a good 10 mins looking around only to recognize how deep we were there!!

Miss G pretended that she did not know Buffy when she greeted the table...and forced her to tell her where she knew her from...she even considered telling her that Miss G was NOT her name...but it would have been on her check...those paper trail will get you every time!!!

By the time the food was delivered to the table the whole staff knew the story of Buffy.

I thought to myself for a minute that Buffy did not know who I was...but then I remembered...

A friend of hers came in to eat at another establishment I worked at previously and practically told me my brother-in-laws life story...referencing my sister time after time...

I shared that story with my Madisonvillians...

So I figured Buffy had done her fair share of internet stalking and FOR SURE KNEW who I was.

I did not behave ugly. I did not make her uncomfortable, but I did hold the door open for her and invite her to come back and see us!!!

THEN...

the VERY NEXT day...who walks in, Buffy's friend...

She chatted with me up front for a minute...again referencing Squirkle multiple times...and I took her to her table.

I walked back up to the front to talk to Totita...to tell her that this was the chick I was talking about last night...

She was talking to someone telling them how it was cool that those people that I just sat knew Squirkle...

Until I told her the priceless phrase spoken by the girl that put her in the PSYCHO category...

"I never have met her..."

Totita's face turned sideways as she did not understand how someone could go on and on and on about someone they had never met...

Oh Buffy and her friends...

Dark Knight Returns

**WARNING**

This blog is a continuation of the above blog...you may need a peek at it for all this to make sense!!

We were in the middle of a meeting today when we saw Dark Knight get out of his truck.

We finished our meeting when O Dubb forgot to tell us that DK was waiting to talk to Jay... (oops)

Me and Jay Sam sat down with him. Our jefe joined us too.

DK began with a rehearsed apology. He followed with listing out all his bills and how broke he is...(WELCOME TO THE CLUB, it's called being an adult) Then jumped right into trying again to justify what he did.

He felt like he was being ripped off...this is where the big guy dismissed himself.

He proceeded to DEBATE...

He was starring me down. He wanted me to break eye contact...almost like he wanted to be dominant...NO WAY BUDDY.

One of his points was that he asked asked them if they were going to tip, so it wasn't being rude...so with his argument in mind I put it like this...

If I were to tell you something ugly and rude, would it be ok if I put it in question form?

Probably not.

Jay and I held our ground.

Then he pleasantly thanked us for the time he had and bowed out quietly.

S.C.D.

Social Cue Deficiency

Some people just don't get it.

I want EVERYONE to know that fully intended on writing this blog about someone else. Someone who was VERY deserving of this...but Dark Knight took the cake tonight.

I don't know if I am talented enough to capture this guy.

As a matter of fact...I just typed out my attempt at capturing him and decided to delete it because it just comes across UGLY.

AND GOD DON'T LIKE UGLY

We got a pop and filled up...and I felt like I was back home.

1/2 of the restaurant was filled with Madisonvillians!!!

I don't know if the table I am about to speak about was from Madisonville or not...

When they were leaving (Mom, Dad, and two small kids) I witnessed Dark Knight tapping the check presenter and walking off swiftly.

The lady walked outside to her car and walked back in...I didn't know if she got her gat or what...

She asked to see her waiter.

I got DK (come one I don't want to have to type it out every time).

She handed him $9.

I asked him what happened and he proudly said..."I just asked her if that was all I got tonight...because they didn't tip me."

My mouth dropped wide open!!! Did he just really admit that this happened. This really happened.

I told him to walk away from me.

And I focused in on the guest. I caught them outside and apologized profusely. I gave them a gift certificate for the amount they tipped.

AND IT WAS ON

I was so pissed off and still in disbelief.

I had just fired someone else earlier that week...this is not my norm

I arranged for his tables to get covered...there was such a down pour of help...

'Thehellyousay even offered to take a table from the other side of the restaurant

I asked him to close what he had going on, get his checkout ready...and meet me in the office.

When he got there he actually tried to justify what he did. I mean really...

Needless to say we parted ways...

I gave him some advise...if you can't handle a "tip income" that is inconsistent, maybe you should apply at Best Buy.

Wow...I am still in disbelief.

Boob Graze/Stoney Haze

When a certain caliber of a table enters the restaurant...you just know...

in this case, I knew he was stoned.

VERY STONED...he was in his own Stoney Haze

**ask Capitol, my drugdar is on point**

He was with his wife and two kids...always a nice touch...

When he left Totita opened the door for him as we train her to do...

Stoney walked passed her and brushed her boob...then looked at her in disbelief...and grabbed the same boob...as if to confirm that it really happened.

His preteen son laughed...EVEN BETTER

He then apologized and justified it by saying that this place made him tired.

I guess they were perfecting the technique of a full on boob graze.

Not as well done when in a Stoney Haze.

I'm So HOOD

There is this really old saying...

You can't judge a book by it's cover

There are times that this saying stands true. The following also stands true...

You can judge a hood bitch by the tattoo on her neck.

This white trash hood rat was oooozing with hood fabulousness.

When her and her fubu wearing boyfriend walked in, I knew that my preconceived notions were accurate as I smiled at her and she looked at me sideways in return.

She sat at Brien's table.

Brien is a SMALL girl...probably a size 00, about 5' 9"...a sweet little ginger

They ordered an appetizer that had chicken strips on it.

The chicken strips were not cooked the way she wanted them, they were "rubbery"

ok, fair enough...we will make you some more.

So she dropped off some more chicken strips.

Hoodiqua didn't like those either. So we started some more.

Brien then let me know that she wanted to see me...so I was on my way when I was told that someone needed me in the bar on the fly...

So I flew on...and what do you know...Hoodiqua met me at the bar with her man.

When I walked into the bar area she asked me if I was the manager. I told her I was...and could see clear through the gap in her teeth to her tonsils...

She started to tell me about her issues with,

(warning this is going to get R rated)

"I on't know whut the fuck that hoe's prolum is tuday. She wa rude. Real rude. Ma chicken wa crusty, rubbery, and not gud."

She had all the adjectives...

"When I tol her they wuz nasty she brot me mo, but they wuz nasty too. And she wa still rude. That ain't right. Im a ignant bitch and I'll woop that hoe's ass. I need to pay my lil ol bill so I can leave this mutha fucka."

So since she was a self proclaimed ignorant bitch, I was just going to oblidge her and get her out of there.

I told her to give me a second to get her bill.

BT came over to get me to do something for her...and I guess that she didn't notice that I was busy. I asked her to get Brien and keep her in the back. She asked me again to do what ever it was that she needed...so I turned to her again and screamed. GO GET BRIEN AND KEEP HER IN THE BACK NOW.

I couldn't have this 200 lbs + chick beating up my 90 lbs'er

I was getting her check and still able to hear her run her ignorant mouth about how much she wanted to beat up Brien.

I let them pay...and saw them out...

She then represented her set...

She yelled on her way out...I'm out this bitch...I'm going back to Austin

AWESOME!!!

And Charlse knocks Madisonville...