Pranks

The holidays are a slow time for us!!!

And by slow I mean that 80,000 people leave this college town and our business leaves with it.

On nights I would normally need 3 people at my front door and 6 people in my kitchen...we run with 1 and 4...

SLOW

So what do you do when you are bored...you entertain yourself.

So that is exactly what we did.

Once I cut Jerry Mae we sat man'd a phone and got at it.

Our first victim was Dallas. He answered the phone, but not how we liked...so we yelled what we were supposed to say to him. And hung up...

the we called back until we got the greet we wanted.

Our next victim was Jurrow. Jerry Mae ordered some chicken strips from her...and insisted that she not put any of that WEAK ASS HONEY MUSTARD...this was all imprmptu so when I heard that I almost peed myself...I had to cover my mouth and my head to keep from bursting.

At this point we had an audience...Jurrow, Dallas, Jerry Mae, and myself.

We decided to prank another restaurant.

We called there and ordered a menu item that only we sell.

The boy on the other end explained that we would have to go to us to get that...but Jerry Mae explained that he was too drunk to go there...that he could only walk to that restaurant.

The guy apologized...being that they just didn't serve that kind of food.

Jerry Mae then suggested that he would have to enlist illegal drugs to aid his sobriety so that he could drive.

As they ended their conversation Jerry Mae suggested that they add the item to their menu...the boy on the other end of the phone had no idea that it was a prank...and he suggested that they add the illegal drug to the menu...

WOW

Mixed Emotions

I have sat on this story for a minute...I didn't know whether to be sad for this blogee...or to laugh it off...

I told this story a few times and decided to be light hearted about it...due to the following humor...

I was first notified of this woman by Mr Ford & Bella because she SHHHH'd them...yep...She SHHHH'd them!!!

To put your imagination at rest, this was a 65/70 year old woman that was petite in stature. Her voice had a raspiness that can only cigarettes and vodka could cause. She had put some miles on her tires. This was not the first time this had happened to this lady.

They were cracking up, but didn't know whether to be angry or ugly...Mixed Emotions

I thought maybe she was just wanting them to SHHHH & blew it off.

I was later notified that the lady was yelling jiberish into her phone...as long as she wasn't bothering other guests...I am not going to tell her how to speak. She had only had a couple of drinks.

The third time I was notified of how strange she was behaving was when she walked up to the 2 year-old boy in the front lobby asking him to "Give her a kiss..." but slurred it in an I've over indulged in vodka & cigarettes in my lifetime, kind of way.

I cornered her in the bar and talked to her for a bit. I chatted with her.

She talked about all kinds of things that made no sense...Her houses that she had in 5 different places, all at least 37 square foot...HUGE...

She would sway between wanting to talk to me to shooing me...she too had mixed emotions.

When she wanted me to go she told me to go find that boy that I liked and make out with him. I explained that I was engaged. She shouted back, "I don't care what you are, you know there is some guy here that you think is hot. Make out with them. Go!!"

Then she enjoyed me again...She asked for another drink...I turned her down...but asked Mr Ford to get a coke...she didn't like that and let me know by saying, "I get it...get me a Coke...you mother f*ck*r"

Our restaurant will pay for a cab for a customer that we feel is too intoxicated to drive. I offered her one. She said no, but gave me her phone to call her dad. WHAT...was he still alive...

I called and she wanted to have her phone, then she didn't...this woman was all mixed up.

I finally asked her again about the cab and she agreed.

Jay was in the back calling the cab and gave instructions to Totita to let him know when they were here so we could play this out smoothly.

When the lady saw Totita speak on her secret server headset she asked me if she was a cop...at this point I think that she was oblivious to where she was.

I say this because I wanted to get her address from her to give to the driver by the time he got there. When I asked her she said...713.555-5555 (not exactly but whatever)...I said, mam...I need your address...not phone number...she argued that that was what she gave me...she then said Route two...box...NO...I need your physical address

THEN...she asked me what was closer Teague or College Station??? WOW

She shooed me again saying that she was done talking to me...until I told her the cab arrived...at that moment she told me that she was enjoying my company and wanted to talk longer.

We walked out and I put her in the cab...still clueless as to where they would go. I knew that she would not cooperate with anyone else...I have a way with the crazies...and the ONLY come on MY SHIFTS!!! Plus she asked Jay if there was something that she could help him with...SHE WAS BOLD!!

Her mom called her back and she told her she was in the following places...Clear Lake, The Raddison, Houston, and Our Place...She was mixed up everywhere and amused by it.

She spilled her purse into the cab seat and I was helping her gather loose items, when I got her check book & her ID...not to jack her, but to check addresses...they matched so I gave the driver the address.

While he looked for the address on a map I belted her in and cleaned the mess...She handed me 3 credit cards...and said, "Go ahead and take it...don't rob me...there should be at least $10,000 on there."

I explained that I didn't want her money...that we paid for the cab and I didn't want to rob her...she then shifted gears and told the driver to take it to stop for a bottle.

He said no!

I thought this would piss her off...but she didn't really connect what was happening

I tucked her things into her purse, buckled her seatbelt, and bid her adue...when she said something that is commonly said among drunks...

I LOVE YOU!!!

I was left with mixed emotions too...I felt sorry for this woman...but knew that this wasn't her first sharade of this kind...

GOOD TIMES!!!

Choices

One of my favorite places to be during a rush is at the door...that way I can control the flow...

I was at the front one day when two rotund ladies approached the host stand. They requested a table for two...and said that it must be a table (to accommodate)...and that they were STARVING

I doubted that...

The larger of the two approached me two seconds later to again tell me that she was STARVING...and that she needed a soda...yes a soda...(she needed to reassure herself)

She turn to her friend to find out what kind of soda she wanted...her friend looked embarrassed at how freaked she was getting...she just said she would take a water...but at no rush

Her Roundness ordered a diet Coke...nice...and Saltine Crackers

I got the ladies their drinks and I went along as usual.

The lady hopped up again and asked me if the table that was available in plain sight was the one we planned on sitting her at...bc if it was, she was ready...you know...since it was a table and not a booth...

THAT IS WHY WE GIVE YOU PAGERS...SO WE CAN CALL YOU WHEN WE ARE READY...AND I AM AWARE OF THE DIFFERENCE OF A TABLE AND A BOOTH

I explained to her that we were not planning on sitting her there...but that we would get her at a table as requested.

She sat back down only to rejoin me in a few short minutes to tell me that she needed to more soda & some saltine crackers, and that her blood sugar was low...I again obliged.

This time I walked back and though of her choices...

She was a self professed diabetic...Most likely self induced as well.

Her choices...DIET SODA & Saltine Crackers...caused her misery.

THINK ABOUT YOUR CHOICES

I Suck...WHATEVER

It has been brought to my attention that I have be neglecting my blog readers. I am sorry...I suck. I will do better. I have two in reserves that I will share very soon. I promise!!!

It's My Birthday!!!

Well not exactly...

Have a brew...
Oprah & Dr Oz said
two drinks a day prolongs life!!!


My birthday is slightly celebrated daily by me!!!
I am a June firster!!!

There have been 601 blog hits...

SO IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

What is your Excuse???

I don't know what I would prefer...

The verbal tip...or the Zero...

I see a lot of different variations of the nonexistent tip on credit card receipts...it still baffles me that people will be so bold when they are leaving a paper trail that HAS THEIR NAME ON IT...

there is the:

• NONE
• 0
• 0.oo
• on table
• NOTHING
• nada

But yesterday I got a new one...

Southpark Peabody showed me a credit card receipt that took the cake...it read:

Due to the recession I am unable to tip you as well as you deserve. Sorry! Things are bad.

THEN DON'T COME TO A RESTAURANT...GO TO Mc DONALD'S!!!!!!

What is your excuse?!?

Tits for Tips

I find it funny how many single or single acting people come to restaurants to peep out our menu...and I don't mean food.

Clancy gets more requests that ANYONE!!! Bar none...

That is because he has the art of waiting tables MASTERED!!!

Waiting tables is one of those jobs where your comfort with who you are can pay off. If you are REALLY good you can read your tables and turn up or down your sexuality, sense of humor, or wholesomeness.

Once you master that, tip should follow...SHOULD...

Our girls and guys get numbers almost EVERY shift...we aren't even running a smutty show!!! I promise...I do admit that the closer you get to rent being due, the lower cut the shirts become...but a girl has got to make her money right?!?!?

Sometimes there is a simple number on a credit card slip...

My Military Dentist even got a full on illustration of what they wanted to do with him!!! People are creative...you have to be able to appreciate that!!!

It is very seldom that a server will actually call these numbers back...we are too proud for that...it is even more seldom that they will admit it even if they did...they would become "THAT" server!!!

Not cool

But the funniest is when someone tips poorly and then leaves their number. These are the people that I have to assume just do not know how to tip...if they did know how...who would leave further accountability for poor tipping...NO GO

Just like with much of life...the guys make light of it...

Clancy and TADDT had a "contest" of who could get the most numbers...

TADDT keeps his to give his ego a boost when it needs it...

But if a girl uses the numbers she is in a lose/lose situation.

If the tipper tipped poorly...she is stupid...and setting herself up to be in a reduced income relationship...

If he is a great tipper...she is a gold digger!!!

So if you had to chose...I would go with the gold digger mentality...A GIRL HAS NEEDS!!!!

And the moral of the story today kids...

Tips = Tits!!!!

I DO NOT SUPPORT KIDDIE PORN

And neither should you!!!

Ok, remember two blogs down...the family with the tennis kids?

I must have done something right bc the VERY next morning Charles let me know that someone wanted to see me in the cocktail area.

This is a trick we sometimes play on each other...we tell the other that someone wants to see them in an area...but it is really someone that we DON'T want to see...except once they have seen us, we have to go talk to them...it is really not that fun of a game...

So I pop my head in the cocktail area and see my family of Godzilla and the four lizards. I walked over and asked them about the tournament...apparently it went well bc she was letting the boys speak today!! One of them even smiled.

Charles and I studied the dynamics of their family for a bit and noticed that the boys kept going to the men's room...ONE AT A TIME...and about two minutes after the boys would get up...in would come dad with his man purse...

Hmmmm....we explored all of the possibilities...

1. They were feeding these boys diaretics to flush the food they just ate to keep them tennis star thin...
2. They were super psycho and monitored their bowel movements & urine
3. They were using us as a trucker stop & had soap and shampoo in the man purse
4. There was a camera in there and they were making kiddie porn

These were the only things that we came up with that we could agree made sense. They took turns...one kid at a time...it was creepy.

Then the mother got up and went to the women's room...AND THE MAN TRIED TO FOLLOW HER IN THERE.

I sent in Winnoria to go peep the scene...as she walked in, the man stepped back to open the door for her wider...and excused himself bc he was "talking with his wife"

Needless to say Winnoria didn't even attempt to walk into the stall...she was freaked out too!!!

After about an hour of potty breaks among the five of them they left.

I WOULD LIKE TO GO ON RECORD SAYING THAT CHARLES NOR I SUPPORT KIDDIE PORN!!!! & SHOULD OUR MEN'S ROOM END UP IN A FLICK...HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW UNLESS YOU WERE SOME FREAK WATCHING IT!!!!

She put her hands WHERE?

My Mom sent me an email today about an experience she had in The Woodlands...I love the way she writes...and how she discreetly tell you where it is, without telling you where it is...read closely

I was shopping yesterday and went to lunch today at my favorite deli in The Woodlands. I always look forward to their food and people watching while I enjoy my food and their great gingerbread muffins. Like any other food establishment one visits, the smiles and service received sets the tone.

At the cash register I asked for a Togo cup. Cashier smiled and said, "Sure" and then turned around to take one from the stack. Two came off so she STUCK HER HAND INSIDE MY CUP to separate it and then placed in on the counter for me. Really, Really? I kept waiting for her to trash that cup and give me one she hadn't put her flesh on where my lips or food would not touch ... never occurred to her ... but it did to me. As she when she presented me with my receipt, I gave it my most polite voice and said, "May I have a new cup please since you put your hand in this one?" She reached around and took the top cup off the stack without touching the inside or rim and placed it on the counter - that's what I'm talking about! (She left the "soiled" cup next to her computer and I'm not sure she didn't put it back on the stack after I left.) She then told me to give my yellow copy to "them" ... I knew who she meant. "Them" pointed me to the drink area ...
and, as I filled my cup, I noticed someone else had taken over the cashier duties and now the cashier was busing the food - OH CRAP! I didn't want her "hands" on my tray ... so I hung out around the salad bar and picked up my own tray. I wandered through the seating area (3PM) trying to find a clean table ... finally moved dirty dishes from the "people watching" table I wanted to another unbussed table.

As I began enjoying my food listening to the happy squeals from the small children at the table across the isle, overhearing (not ease dropping) the conversation of the table behind me, I rethought my cashier experience. I began to think about how many people, in the manufacturing process and at the restaurant, had handled the cups and realizing how many of them had not washed their hands or used hand sanitizers. I use straws on all glasses I drink from at restaurants ... and now you know why.

I'm not a germophobic - but let me ask you, do you use straws?

Love,

Mom

Guest Recovery

I held a classroom this morning for my servers who's survey scores don't reflect the type of service that we expect.

A BIG part of the classroom was about guest recovery.

Guest Recovery- When something goes wrong...you recover...you do what you can do to win that guest over. THIS IS HUGE!!!!

I got a chance to do that myself today.

We usually open our doors 10 minutes early. We like tweek the saying...the early bird gets the worm...our early birds get the strawberry lemonade...hahaha

Today as I was walking past the front door...15 minutes before we opened...I noticed a man peering into the front door with his hands shading his eyes...I guess to get a better view...Whateva

I unlocked the doors and he asked if he could wait inside...it was cold outside. I obliged. He then led me into the area that he wanted to sit and asked me to put two tables together for him. I suggested two other tables bc the ones he wanted blocked the walk way for the servers...

He looked at me and scrunched his face to think about it and then said...no, I think I would prefer the two that I suggested. So I recovered...it wasn't worth it...

He then let me know that he wanted chips & salsa, two orders of nachos, and 5 waters for the table...and that they had a schedule to keep...OK

Just when I thought I was dealing with a pushy man...his wife came in...

DEEP BREATH

As I brought the waters to the table she let me know that they would need an additional coke and diet coke.

At this point I felt sorry for the three boys with her...9, 8, and 6...she was so pushy...

When I brought the drinks, she ALSO let me know that they had a schedule to keep...that her two boys were playing in a tennis tourney and they would not be late.

She proceeded to order...FOR THE WHOLE TABLE...IN ONE BREATH...
He will have pasta...NO ALFREDO SAUCE...NO BUTTER...with two chicken breasts...ON THE SIDE...and a side of fruit
He will have the burger...NO GREASE (not really possible) with fruit
He will have mac & cheese and FF with a coke & a chocolate shake (he obviously wasn't playing)
He will have a burger with veggies
and I will eat what they do not....
and you are the manager right...so this should not be a problem

DEEP BREATH...I was not sure whether I should be impressed of her longwindedness...or sad that these boys were being taught not to think...and this behavior was being reinforced by their father...

I got the order in and decided that this was a table was mine...that I was going to recover it...this was one of those tables that you walk up to with two strikes...I wasn't going to get the third...and I wasn't going to make the server that gets paid $2.13 go in with that kind of count.

I got all the food out...they complained the whole way...but every time they would complain I would come up with another way to accommodate their needs...

The most satisfying part of her turning me down COLD on every suggestion was that as I would walk away she would ask her sons and husband if they wanted what I suggested.

Like the Dasani bottles they could take with them to the match
or the boxes that were double bagged with togo silverware with it!!!

This is my world...I will not be shaken...NEVER!!!

I paid them out and they thanked me as they left...That was my GUEST RECOVERY!!!

What is a Dollar

When people I know come to my restaurant I am filled with mixed emotions. I LOVE to see my peeps...but I also want my peeps to take care of my peeps...

For those of you that let that go right over your head...I want to make sure that my servers are getting tipped adequately.

The place I hail from is different from any other place in the world. I am sure of that all of you who know where this place is...you can agree. It is a place that does not have lots of options when it comes to how to make money and that has even less options when it comes to places to spend it.

If you are not in the mood for Mexican food...you better hit the road.

Today some people came in that I grew up with & around. They were all dolled up and ready for whatever was next for them.

Their server, AD, was NOT ready for them. He walked over to where I was knowing that I knew them and began to talk about them. I quickly informed AD that if those girls even thought that he was talking shit about them...they would quickly & loudly check him. And I would not be able to blame them...

When he thought he was going to crack he would ask to see me in the back. He then would let lose...I knew EXACTLY who he was dealing with.

At the end I helped him pay out the ladies before they left. After I had gotten them the change they needed they asked to see AD in front to give him his tip. They handed him $15 and thanked him for taking care of them.

$15...that was about a 10% tip...

This made him mad...and he fumed over every time they were rude...asked for something...or even spoke.

As a former server I would have been frustrated with the %10 tip...but today my eyes were opened a bit...

These ladies all work at the same place. They probably make minimum wage or better...the $15 that they left him was a good tip to them.

In his mind he was thinking...what is $15???

Let me tell you...

$15 = 2 hours of hard work...damn near 3 hours when you take taxes into account
$15 = 2 weeks pay in some places in the world
$15 = $17.35 for that hour of work that AD put in
$15 = PRICELESS when you think about it...

Sometimes servers need to learn to take the good with the bad...and remember that everyone in the world isn't making a potential $17.35 per hour. Appreciate it!!!

I have a story that I will share in parting.

I worked at Sonic when I was in high school. We would get tips all the time. Usually it was keep the change...but sometimes we got $1 or better. There was one family that would come on 99 cent burger night...and leave me a quarter...EVERYTIME!!!

I used to ask myself...what is a quarter...but now I get it...they were on a budget...and that quarter was not just 25 cents. It was a gesture of appreciation. It was them giving me something they did not have to in order to let me know that they appreciated me.

Si le duele entrando...Le duele saliendo

Bablefish that...

I was at an establishment in town tonight that is know for serving spicy chicken extremities for a date with my love.

We ordered an appetizer of extra spicy shrimp...you know that is an aphrodisiac!!! We started eating it when I felt my lips throbbing...TWO SHRIMP into it.

I was sitting there with ice melting in my mouth trying to make it better...unsuccessfully

Our server was the kind of server that probably walks with with more money that the rest of the staff for the following reason...

He laughed at us...

Then he offered to remake them with another sauce. Bc I work at a restaurant I know that is a process...one that requires them to make an ENTIRE new order...and it wasn't that serious...I was just being a sissy.

(for those of you servers who didn't just make the connection as to why that would make you more money...you may never get it...it is the little things that count)

Then I realized Tito's ears were red...maybe it was that serious. We asked to change Tito's dinner order to the sauce a degree LESS spicy that the one we opt'd for on the shrimp. He originally opt'd for the degree one SPICIER that we tried.

I only got four down before I quit.

We finished the rest of our meal and went on our way...fuller than any healthy human should.

We went from there directly to Target...I love to walk around Target when I can think of nothing better to do...

EXCEPT there was something rumbling...and it was not pretty...not at all!!! I knew that it was going to be a short trip...but abbreviated would have been an understatement...I HAD TO GO!!!

To spare you the painful details...I will just say...

If you can't take the heat...stay your ass out of the kitchen...

AND AWAY FROM EXTRA HOT SAUCE!!!!

Don't Advertise

So today my own personal Chris Angel came and notified me that a table was unhappy with their food. I walked over to the table to see two guests with royal blue polos that had a familiar yellow BEST BUY embroidered on the left chest region...

The guy had a burger that he ate 3/4ths of GONE...EATEN...GONE...GRRRRRRRR

The three bites that were left were just too under cooked for him to eat. GRRRRRRRRRR

So I asked him what I could do for him (I DIDN'T WANT TO PAY FOR HIS FOOD B/C IT WAS GONE)...I gave some options. He asked me to remake it...togo...

GRRRRRRRRR

He probably brought that back to someone at work. Don't ever go somewhere advertising where you work and then ask for something for free...

IM THINKING...

I may just hit up Best Buy...but a CD & some blank CD's and then show back up 5 mins later and ask for my money back on the CD...

hahahaha...some people

Prayers Please

My best friend's mother passed away today. She had been sick and fighting for awhile now. Now she is at peace. Now she is with her keeper. Pray for her daughter, Trudi, pray that she find the peace that she needs. That she has the strength she needs. Thanks!

Future Skanks of America

Me & Shauna were shopping one day and we came across a teenie bopper t shirt that said:
I heart BOYS!

And I pondered to my sister, "we wonder why these young girls run around acting like skanks...we are making them clothes to encourage the behavior..."

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT...

Anywho...I walked into the women's bathroom and stumble upon Nickle and four future skanks!!!

I have got to paint a visual of what these skanks were wearing...because the visual makes it better...

The Birthday Girl- a white polo (fitted) with a pair of jeans

The Ring Leader- booty shorts, pink addidas, and a pink fitted tee that read, "Vote like a girl, Palin 08"

The OG- booty shorts, neon Air Force low tops, a pink fitted tee with a pic of Lil Wayne on it, a piece and chain...hanging to her belly button, and a cocked white cap with her name on it...and a pink cell phone that she needed to have surgically removed from her hand

The Skank- this chick was wearing a clubbing shirt, with booty shorts, and she had her hair teased and curled in individual ringlet curls...with too much of the wrong color of lipstick

Nickle went into the stall as I entered the adjacent stall...the conversation was priceless...I wish I would have had a video camera...this was good...

First I hear one of the four girls (the birthday girl) saying, "noone told me that we were dressing gangster. I just look like a preppie white girl...maybe I could pop my collar and wear your chain and I will look more gangster."

Then the ring leader laughs her off and replies, "I didn't tell you...but you don't look gangster at all."

One of them then told the ring leader that she was acting like a bitch. She laughed and said that she enjoyed acting that way.

When Nickle and I met again on the outside to wash our hands we looked at each other without needing to say a word...

Not needing to, and not saying a word are two different things...as soon as they left the restroom we were all over ourselves laughing at these little girls. They couldn't have been gangster if they wanted to...

When their table got paged the ring leader stuck her head outside and said, "Skanks...the table is ready."

WOW...so then later the girls took a group bathroom break again...we had all been cracking up about the first visit so I wanted to share...I told Smartleg and Justice about the trip and they followed them in to hear about the guy that wasn't texting the OG back...

LESS IS MORE

I felt for the taker of that table...especially when the end came and I heard the shrill screaming of an over excited teenager, "Attention everyone, my best friend is celebrating her 16th birthday today and I want all of you to join me in singing her happy birthday...Happy Birthday to you...yada yada yada...Thank you all"

She stood in her friggin booth and sang the whole song...BY HERSELF...no love from the rest of our patrons...

This was a HOllarious table...but I can't even be mad at these 15/16 year old girls that are trying to grow up too fast...I have to place some of the blame on their parents...SOME, bc I was "grown" when I was 15/16...

But really...this is what I wanted to tell the girls

Ring Leader...be nice to your friends...skanks is not a term of endirement and bitchiness is not attractive and you can't even vote...do you know what you are representing with that tee or did your mommy buy it for you

OG- clothes do not make you gangster...if you like an artist, buy his cd...put him on your myspace profile...not your tee...the Forces were clean...Im not mad at that...but you are not gangster...and when you text a guy every 5 seconds...don't be surprised when he doesn't want to text back...don't try so hard

Birthday Girl- Try to stand out by dressing different than your friends...not the same...be you...and you don't have to be friends with girls that are mean to you...don't pop your collar, or rock a piece n chain if it isn't you...be you

The Skank- Club shirts should be saved for the club, not for dinner with your other friends that can't get into the club and their parents...your hair looked really pretty...but don't wear so much lipstick...and coordinate your colors with your outfit...

WHERE ARE YOUR MOTHERS?!?!?!?

Top 10 Call In Excuses

I think a strong characteristic of a good manager is the ability to listen...so I asked my people...what they thought were good "Bad" excuses to call in.

The excuses poured out rapidly...I had to narrow down to 10!!!

If you have been around for a bit you may be able to identify who belongs to what excuse...drop a comment and see if you can connect the dots...be aware that some of these excuses come from former places of employment.

As a supervisor I think that all call in excuses are "bad"...these will be in white

As a person I understand that life happens...these thoughts will be in blue

As someone who has covered for some of these excuses...I think, well lets just say that I really value my personal time...and scowl at anyone who takes that from me!! These thoughts will be in red!!

Here we go!!!

#1. My cat died.
When Josh dies...I will call in...
I hate cats, they don't even qualify as animals...ewww

#2. The morning after you came in all dolled up to have drinks and announce that you were going out on the town...you call in to say "I'm sick"
I have been there...if you have to work the next morning, don't get waisted face if you can't handle waking up and doing your job the next day...
This is BS...you aren't sick you are hungover...or with a majority of my peeps...still drunk...call it like it is...

#3 I need to study
Been there...they are called all nighters
That is why we have availability that lets you choose how many days you want to work...and a request book so that you can ask off for additional days.

#4 I'm GAY...

Ok...so this is a spinn off story from another place...and I have to share. A friend of mine told her boss that she was calling in, but she didn't want to tell her why at that current time bc she didn't want to hear her judge her. She came into work the next day and told her why she called in only to hear her boss say..."oh I thought you were going to call in gay"...
CAN YOU DO THAT...was my friend's first question...and since I know you can...hmmmm

#5 My sphinkter broke last night
This is again borrowed from the same call inner as #4...I mean who is going to ask to see a doctor's note on that...NOT ME...and I am not going to ask on the status either

#6 I have surgery tomorrow
that stinks...who wants to have surgery
wait a second...they don't schedule surgeries for the next day...they schedule those days out...YOU KNEW

#7 It is a pretty day...I can't get out of bed
if you can't get out of bed today...don't worry about tomorrow either...no one wants a fair weather employee...hahaha get it
sorry...nothing humane about this

#8 My show is on tonight
TIVO BIATCHES
ok, with that being said...before I had TIVO I SERIOUSLY considered it a few times!! Then I realized you could watch Grey's Anatomy online later that night!

#9 I lost my tampon
the girl who gave me this excuse was so comfortable with saying it, that I wasn't so sure she had not used it before...I didn't want to ask then, and I am not going to elaborate now...ewwww

#10 I passed out somewhere...and I don't know where I am
PERSONAL PROBLEM...
and your next call needs to be to get some help from what ever it is that you are on...that is sad!!!

SO HERE IT IS PEOPLE...I AM STOKED TO SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE GET THIS RIGHT!!!! COMMENT IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO THE EXCUSES BELONG TO!!!

Burned

Burned food is gross...but there is a difference in burned chicken and chicken with grill marks. Usually when you cook chicken on a grill you get those...I mean it is kind of inevitable.

I got called to a table with two CLEAN plates...

The guy starts off asking me if I remember him...

NO I don't remember you...I see thousands of people each week...sorry...(that is what I thought...I gave him a simple no)

He told me that he comes in all the time.

His smart ass date then asked him if the chicken was burned every time he came in...shut up biatch...and let your man try and get his meal for free...

He said that his chicken was burned on his plate and it took about 10 mins to get back out to him. Then he wanted a refill on his coffee but the coffee got thrown out.

IT WAS 11:25 (we closed at 11)

GRRRRR...

This cheap jerk SPLIT the meal & ONE cup of coffee with his date...then tried to get it free

I asked him if I could get him a dessert on us, but he didn't want it. I asked him what I could do...and his answer was, "Whatever I could"

I felt like I got burned...I was not going to buy his meal so I just gave him 1/2 off...

BURN

Ode to Joy...Part Three

If you haven't read Joy's other two blogs...please...read on...this was almost all in one night...

BE NICE TO YOUR SERVERS...
YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THEY DEALT WITH BEFORE YOU!!!

Joy got sat a 4 top and scowled at it before even greeting it...I have to admit, at first glance, I thought she was being close minded and hoped she would be pleasantly pleased...

Not so much the case...

As she passed out the food she got the lecture that I would later get...

The man didn't like his portion of mashed potatoes...so I brought another generous portion out...

First of all I would like to disclose that the reason a majority of Americans are obese is the freakishly LARGE portions restaurants like mine serve people...there is nothing small about the portions...

I approached the table with Mash in hand ready for a lecture...

The man didn't just want to lecture me about feeling "cheated" on his portions...but he wanted to school ME on how to portion things more uniformly

He stared my telling me that he felt "cheated" by his portion of mash potatoes...and that his rice portion (that is bagged and weighed ) was "hardly there"...and that his Chicken Fried Steak...THAT IS ALL PRECUT AND THE EXACT SAME OUNCE WEIGHT...was 1.5 times smalled than the other person who ordered it...

REALLY...REALLY

After explaining that every aspect of his meal was inadequit he told he that he wasn't complaining about his steak, because he was eating that...

My internal thoughts were...YES ASSHOLE...You are complaining about your steak...You're eating it has NOTHING to do with it...because every other part of your meal that you are complaining about is half eaten as well!!!

So I asked him if the portion of mashed potatoes that I brought him was enough or if he still wanted more...he said that it was enough...

I passed by one more time to see that clean plate...LITERALLY...NOTHING ON IT!!!!

After they left I commented to Joy that they must have been fun...only to receive a hand written note from this prick that goes as follows:

I was VERY disappointed with the meal today, our server was good and none of this was her fault. The meal proportions were RIDICULOUSLY small. Two other members in our dinner group had the EXACT same plate...except notably bigger. The chicken fried steak was easily 1.5 times larger on their plate. I had less than half of the mashed potatoes they had, and the rice was almost not there at all. You should make sure the cooks are using the same proportions at all times!

FIRST OF ALL

They are portions...not proportions...

SECOND OF ALL

3 Chicken Fried Steaks are made by ONE cook...all the portions are the same...just ONE out of the THREE of you like to complain to get a free meal!!!

AND THIRD OF ALL...

Not on my clock sweety...I can eye ball a portion and tell you if it is that far off...when your Chicken Fried steak that you have already eaten the edge off of 2 of the 4 sides is still covering 3/4ths of your plate...it is enough of a portion...

Ode to Joy...I have no idea what she did to the restaurant Gods to piss them off enought to bring her this kind of behavior...but she better ask for some forgiveness...

I COULD NOT HANDLE ANOTHER NIGHT LIKE THIS IF I WERE HER!!!!

Ode to Joy...Part Two

When a table walks in your front door loud and obnoxious...chances are that they are going to be loud and obnoxious at the table as well...

Joy's 5 top proved to be just that!!!

The overly obnoxious chick asked if we had bibs...

I don't think the blog needs to go ANY further than that...

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?

Ode to Joy...Part One

This is a 3 part blog...bc Joy is just that kind of person...

part One came a few weeks ago...

We are a store that is considered the snobs of all the other corporate stores...we get LOTS of transfers and are PICKY about the transfers we do get!!!

There was this one chick that came in several times that I asked why she didn't transfer down here from Htown...her response was that her GM would not transfer her...

My thoughts were...WHY...that helps his turnover and his schedule making manager's work load...well she must SUCK...

She came in the other day with a group of 20 and I figured out why he didn't transfer her...

She sat in Joy's section in a 2 seater booth with another girl...the rest of her 20 top was ordering food, but she just order 2 Dasani bottled waters...totaling $4.78

She handed Joy a $5 bill and asked her to bring her change...the girl with her said, "no girl, you gotta tip her..."

This little bundle of happiness replied (RIGHT IN FRONT OF JOY,) "Why, she didn't do anything for me..."

Her friend turned to Joy and said..."just keep the change, don't worry about it."

Then the nontransferable heffer pointed her finger at Joy and said, "You better bring me my change!!!"

Joy met her request and mustered up 22 pennies...shiny and old and dropped them on sunshine's table right in front of her...

She wasn't going to steal her Joy!!!!

The Verbal Tip

Have you ever been at a restaurant and given a server a nice compliment only to watch them gradually withdraw into a state of depression...

Let me tell you why...

That ladies and gentleman is what we call the "Verbal Tip!!"

It is always nice to be told that you are doing a great job...we love encouragement...but reward that great job...with a GREAT TIP!!!

Too many times people will commend you on a job well done...and then leave you a dollar...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?

No seriously, were you just kidding with me when you said that I did a great job...because the tip is supposed to reflect the service you were given.

Today Southpark Peabody came dancing down the line...but not a happy dance...it was like an Indian fight dance...one that he had to let out so that he didn't go back into his section with tip in hand and offer it back to the ungreatful guest that wasted the last hour of his life...

The ungrateful guest that doesn't understand that servers make $2.13 per hour and he would wind up PAYING to wait on this table.

If you have ever been victim of the verbal tip...here is my verbal apology...IM SORRY!!!!

If you have been guilty of the verbal tip with no follow through on the tip...that is called karma...don't be surprised when the next restaurant experience you have SUCKS!!!

An finally if you have given the verbal tip and followed it up with a monetary reflection of the service given GOOD FOR YOU!!!

Come see my people and reward them!!!

Just a continuation of trash detector

This morning I went to HEB to get breakfast for an event that we hosted...

I turned into the parking lot...into the isle...and SMACK

I hit the car that was in the spot beside the one I wanted...

My first thought...LEAVE>>>GO SOMEWHERE ELSE

But then my second thought out weighed my first...there could be videos...people watching...and you don't want a hit and run ticket over a stupid scratch.

So I got out and looked at my car first...not so bad. Then I checked out the other car.

I gasped when I saw the bumper being held on by masking tape...then I realized that I hit the other side. I still considered leaving, but the cane in the front seat got me...

I left my phone number.

I got the call later from an old lady that's voice sounded like she had way to much vodka and cigarettes. I asked her if she wanted to go through insurance or how she wanted to handle it.

She started to tell me that if I wanted to paint the car through insurance it would be ok, but then she would need a rental...but then I think she reminded herself that I SAW HER CAR...

So she then settled on $50...technically the lady doesn't know my name...she has my phone number...but she doesn't know me...or where I live or work...or anything...but I know her name/number/car/and home address...

I'm not going to let $50 ruin my karma...

maybe she will upgrade her masking tape to duct tape...TRASH DETECTOR!!!

Trash Detector

I am a people watcher. I see lots of them everyday...

ALL kinds of people.

There is one particular group of people that continues to tickle & disgust me at the same time...tickle me because I can't help but to laugh at their ignorance...but disgusted because of the way they handle themselves.

I am talking about TRASHY people.

There are usually a few key indicators that can identify trashy people...

Most of the time you can just look at a person and tell that they may be trashy...but I won't go too far into detail about that...bc I wouldn't want to sound trashy...

...your assumptions can be proven or disproven when they open their mouths...
(see why I didn't go into detail now...)

I was at the nail shop today waiting to get my nails done. The lady who did my nails paid out a woman that had her paint an argyle plaid on EACH ONE OF HER NAILS...

Ok, if you want to use a classy design...don't go overboard...I mean put it on a pillow...NOT YOUR NAILS...

Any who...she promptly told the lady she had a coupon...COUPONS DON'T MAKE YOU TRASHY...I am a smart shopper...I almost NEVER buy anything full price...

OK I TOLD MY SECRET OF HOW I CAN AFFORD TO BE SO FLY...I am ok with that!!!

We were getting started with my nails when I hear...Do you want me to take the nails off and give them back to you?!?!?

That ignorant statement was my trash detector!!!

Naturally everyone in the nail shop turned to witness the commotion to hear the girl that was with her get a breakdown of what she paid for.

20 for her nails
3 for her French paint job
5 for her jewels (people who like gaudy nails seem to run together)
20 for her pedicure
8 for the upgrade to the deluxe pedicure

56 total...

The lady was PISSED...she thought that the deluxe upgrade should have been FREE
she thought the French paint job should have been FREE
and she thought the jewels were FREE

COME ON...if you buy the cheapest stuff they are going to try to up sale you...that is their job...that is how they make more money.

The lady looked at the coupon and said...this is what I had and this is what I paid for...get your numbers right and go back to where you came from...

UGLY

Just ugly...and ignorant...and trashy...

The lady stormed around, paid and left...

I guess restaurants are not the only place that deals with trashy people!!!

Hurricane Ike

I am sure all of you are aware that the Texas coast was hit with a Hurricane that left many devastated. I am a self professed optimistic pessimist.

What you ask yourself...

I think it is natural to be pessimistic about bad situations...they suck...that is why they are bad situations. But you have to chose to be optimistic. I am having to make that choice. I have left work the past few days so drained. Physically, emotionally, and mentally... It is tough...

We have 25,000 plus extra people in CST...EVERY hotel/motel in town is booked. There is not a clear answer as to when the power will be back on in Houston...and Galveston...well that is another story entirely.

So these draining days continue. There are 78 restaurants in our company that are effected. We are here...we are standing strong. And we are providing AC, hot meals, and cold drinks to ANYONE who wants them.

We are here for you!!! Our prayers are with you.

FYI COLLEGE STATION

We had an ATF agent come in and eat tonight...there are going to be lots of TABC stings going on in the BCS area...pass it on!!!

Top 10 Things NOT to Say at a Restaurant

The things in YELLOW are the key phrases/actions you should stear clear of at a restaurant!!! If you chose to use them...ok, but use them in context!!! The RED is what is probably going through your server's head in response to the YELLOW...but you will never know it!!!

RESPECT YOUR WAITER!!!

#10. Hi, my name is (Cut Off)
Water
No...my name is not water...that would be the answer to my first question...that I haven't gotten to ask yet...

#9. How was everything?
Can I get some more Dr. Pepper?
Ummm...that is not what I asked, but sure I will get you another Dr. Pepper

#8. Slurppp Slurppp
I am aware that your drink is empty...I was probably on my way to fill it up...those slurps are like nails on a chalk board that trigger an opposite effect...at least with me...let me teach you a lesson in patience

#7. How hard is your job??
Do you want a scale of 1 to 10...when I am dealing with assholes like you...10...bc I have to bite my tongue...on a normal day...about a 4...where do you work, so I can come there and harass you

#6. Pssst Psssst
This is an ultimate disrespect...Why can't you just ask me for something or say EXCUSE ME like a normal person?!?

#5. Sometimes waiters get busy...the last thing we need for you to do is go to another employee...who is probably equally as busy...and say...
If my server can't handle our table...we want another server...
Yeah...with that attitude...Im sure the other servers are just going to be lining up to serve you. We just love to have such balls of sunshine at our tables.

#4. Let me go get you another Dr. Pepper, does anyone else need anything?
Yeah...can I get another Dr. Pepper?
NO SHIT...THAT IS WHAT I JUST SAID...you have 2 ears and one mouth so you can listen TWICE as much as you talk...and why is it that people who drink Dr. Pepper are ruder than others...I drink DP and I know how to act

#3 As you walk over to the table you are greeted by a young lady with a steak in her hand who asks you...
What am I supposed to do with this?
I have a few ideas...none of which you would like...but many of which involve that sirloin going right upside your head!!!

#2 As you are taking a head count of the large group in the front lobby...who is unsure how many are in their party.
You may as well stop counting bc there are more people coming!
Well then when you get a nice round number you get back to me and we will see if we can accommodate...we don't seat parties that we don't know a head count for...we don't have tables that sit "a bunch"

#1 I walked over to apologize that their salad did not make it out before their food...they were very educated...you will be able to tell by their response...
You need to rewrite your menu. This is bullshit. I don't want the fucking salad. Don't bring it to me.
OK...done...and why would I need to re-write my menu when the menu says...SALAD WITH ENTREE...that means with your dinner...you must specify if you want it BEFORE

Just to give you an idea of how long it takes to hear this much ugliness...I started saving these sayings at the end of July...I could have had them all in a week...but I wanted to save it for some GOOD ONES!!!!!

A Serious Case of the Mondays

So I hit the ground running today...sprinting!!! I had gobs of errands to run and not a lot of time to run them...the story of my life.

So first I did my around the house stuff...easy squeezie...

Then I went to Office Depot...

the girl behind the counter has helped me a few times...so there was a level of comfort between us. After she got done helping the lady in front of me I snapped into the moment...I am a day dreamer...

the girl had a shocked look on her face

The lady she helped in front of me apparently made an ugly comment...when she asked her what she could do to help her...and the lady said to her, "Oh, how sweet...you put on your fake little smile to help me."

OMG really...the girl didn't really have much to say to the lady after that...I told her that she should have said was...actually my smile was fake...until you said that...and now the smile is real because I am thinking all kinds of ugly things about you...BITCH

So then I go to Walmart...and now I am convinced that 1/2 the people that enter that store are truely unhappy...

I was parking when an old hag made a dramatic stop of her cart...TWENTY FEET AWAY...she was kind of old so when I got out I apologized...only to receive an ugly glare...and geriatrics and all...I wanted to say to her...BITCH

Then I went inside Walmart...I was waiting on the photo machine and I was watching the people at the counter...I am an expert people watcher

the lady that was in front of me at the photo booth was taking her sweet time, but when she got up to the counter she instantly got in a hurry.

The lady behind the counter asked her if she wanted the pictures cut...she flailed her arms and hands in the air semi shouted...I am in a hurry just give me my pictures now so I can leave...

EWWWW...that was some nasty Mondays

So I got into my car ready to go home before work...and I put my car in drive...I didn't budge, but I did switch gears...the lady driving EXTREMELY too fast with her 3 children in the back...slammed on her breaks and cussed me profusely...

really...really...

I want to tell all these people...take your ass home and go to sleep...then tomorrow when you wake up, it will be Tuesday...and then you don't have to burden other people with that dang case of the Mondays!!!!

Por Favor

When I got to work today there was a rather rotund man at the bar drinking margaritas. That is not so out of the ordinary...we do have a great margarita!!!

He was a total creep...his smile and eyes freaked everyone out. The hostesses were especially freaked by him.

After an hour or so my busser called my to the bar area to meet this guy. He kissed my hand and I informed him that I was spoken for. I then did what any other woman would do...I avoided him.

I saw some regular sit at the bar down from him and I went over to talk to them. J was on the phone so I spoke with his wife...in the midst of his phone conversation I hear J spout...back off buddy she is my lady.

The man then asked me in Spanish if J was my husband. I said no...and that set him off.

He then yelled across the bar...Hey C*ch*...I wasn't looking at your wife...I was looking at her (me)...he was looking at both of us.

I pleaded with the guy in Spanish to please not cause a scene in the restaurant...to please drop it. He insisted that J was the one that started it. I asked J's wife to contain him and let me deal with the drunkard.

This was hard for J bc he is a defender of all women...especially women that he is close to.

I started with the rotund sir by begging him...por favor...pay your bill and leave...I also gave "the look to Teej & flat out told the hostess to go get Paul"

that wasn't working

he wanted to finish his drink...when I told him he could not he didn't even skip a step...he invited J outside with him.

J was now off the phone but keeping his mouth semi shut...when J fired a comment back I changed my story.

I told the man that I would cover his bill but he had to go. Paul was there for my back up. The man started to leave and turned around to creep out our hostess further...when Paul reiterated where the door was...

he tossed an FU Paul's way...and all I could think was...POR FAVOR

Deaf, Drunk, & Confused

This is a throwback...

I am a linguist of sorts...I am sort of trilingual...well sort of...

I can speak Spanish & English fluently & enough sign language to get my point across...so I get volunteered for all sorts of encounters!!!

I walked by the bar top to see three Hispanic guys carrying on a conversation...and one of them seemed to be the one that caught the short end of all the jokes...you know...the one that always gets picked on in a trio.

He happened to not have any teeth and speak sign language. But the smiles and laughs told me that they were enjoying their beers and getting along just fine.

I wanted to be a part of those laughs...I LOVE to laugh...so I joined in the conversation from behind the bar.

My perception of the conversation wasn't accurate at all. The two Spanish speaking gentlemen were together and they were trying to communicate with the Spanish speaking DEAF gentleman. Unsuccessfully so...

The deaf guy seemed to also be DRUNK...and unable to find his hotel. He hitchhiked from somewhere and got dropped off at our establishment. He was sort of out of it.

The guys were not doing well with figuring out where he needed to go...I listened in the cut and then tried a bit of ASL (American Sign Language)...but the guy didn't have any formal knowledge of sign language...he did not look very educated...

So I tried simple spelling...and what do you know the guy didn't understand English...so I sign spelled in Spanish and Vwallla...he got it...EXCEPT his attention span was short...and in the middle of a word he would give me a "Bababababa"...if you have ever heard a deaf person make a sound...it sounds nasally bc they do not know how they sound...add some drunk to it and that is what you get

So I tried writing down questions...he didn't know where he needed to go. The other two guys were fanning their arms to me and giving me the Wayne's World..."We're not worthy" they were amazed at my trilingualness...hahahaha

I think that he has relyed on everyone's inability to communicate with him...but he was unaware of who he was dealing with...

he said he didn't have money for anything...his beer or a hotel...so the nice guys offered to pay for his first beer...so nice of them...when he knew that his beer was covered he ordered another...I heard the two guys gasp at his gaw...so I declined him another beer...

he got mad...and I explained that if he could not pay for his first beer I was not serving him another...so then he pulled out his bank roll...and he had a bunch of cash...so I gave him his ticket for the first beer and let him pay for it...

I was not going to let him take advantage of these guys niceness...CONFUSED...so I shared with him a universal sign...it transcends across every language...it is the shoo...if you are bothering my guests, begging from them, drunk, and not purchasing anything from us...get out of here...

this poor guy was deaf, drunk, & confused

I Should Have Known

I had three days off...three days of relaxation and fun...I should have known tonight would make up for that...

AND THINGS HAPPEN IN THREE'S...3 DAYS OFF...3 CRAZY THINGS ON MY 1ST DAY BACK

I got to work and was tired, so I asked Tito to bring me a Rock Star Juiced...YUMMMY

As we started filling up #3 let me know that a guy was bugging her for her number in the cocktail area. Those guys are fun. I mean what girl does not want to be told to "give me you fucking number!"???

About the third time she declined he informed her that she just jacked up her tip...boo hoo

As I was helping at the host stand when he would randomly ask North Zulch what she just said...she used me as a scape goat and told him, "she said it, not me"

So he asked me what I said...and I gave him my standard response, "I just told her how amazing your hair looked tonight." He looked crazy and asked why I though is hair looked bad...I told him that he said that...I just didn't disagree.

So the guy went outside and was smoking a cigarette when a regular told me that he was hitting on every girl that entered or exited our building...NICE

Lucky for me I had 4 CSPD sitting at my table 73...so I asked them to be aware.

Sure enough the guy grabbed the host microphone and started yelling, "Hey you in the green hat." to someone outside. And the officers asked them to leave...

SO THAT SEEMED LIKE ENOUGH FOR ME...NOPE

After that someone notified me that the men's room needed attention. So when I walked in to vomit on the walls, stalls, doors, and floor...I walked right out and called for back up...I am a puker...and gagged about 10 times in the midst of the cleaning...YUCK

SO THENNNNN...

Two guys came in to visit Guero...it was his uncle and cousin...but he didn't want to talk to them...strange...but whatever...

the guys don't really speak English so I was automatically enlisted to entertain these guys...I was in and out on thier converstations and the more they drank the crazier the topics got...

I heard about music from the 70's, 80's, & 90's...he hummed a few bars...I got to hear about how he was here illegally...that he swam over...and if I called the cops it was cool...he would hang out in Mexico with his family for a few days and that he would be back...

they were harmless...but I still have to do my job...

So I cut them off...and he begged me to let him drink more...but I had to decline...they paid out tipping the bartender $5 & me $10...little did they know I can't take tips...so I gave the rest to Teeg...

they left after telling me that they could get lost in my eyes...those dang sweet talkers...Im not buying!!!!

AND THAT CONCLUDED MY CRAZY NIGHT...I should have known that I would not have a normal day back

Do You Know Who I Am???

Everyone has been in that position where they see someone that they know through someone else...but don't "technically" know that person...only "of" that person...

Anywho...Joy had one of those tables the other night. He had a salad that he requested for NO BLUE CHEESE CRUMBLES. And when his salad arrived at the table...yep Blue Cheese Crumbles.

So he asked to speak to the manager. He told her to send the chick over so he could have a free margarita.

HA...so you think...

So I walk right over to the table and say, "Hey...you got a salad that was made wrong?"

He started the exchange with, "Do you know who I am?" My response was yes. But he wanted to be sure "Do you know who I am?" I again replied yes.

My next line was, "do you know who I am??" He says yes.

So we were on the same page.

He rambled out a long line of bs about wanting something for free...I heard a margarita & a salad and something else...but it all sounded like a bunch of rambling to me.

Apparently he told Joy that he was going to sue us bc he was allergic. WHATEVER!!!

So I said, "the salad was our mistake...Ill take care of that, but I can't give you free margaritas...That is beyond what I can offer."

He then calls me back over to the table after Joy left to tell me she was cute. I looked at the girl that was with him in disbelief bc I thought they were on a date. He then told me that they were just friends...and I said that was a good thing bc you are hitting on other girls.

He then explained he wanted the "friend" to be more than a friend, but she didn't want to be more...GO FIGURE!!!

So the "friend" payed...and tipped 50 cents...BURN...

Im thinking she let miss Joy steal her Joy!!!

As they were leaving he wanted me to put a word in with Joy...

I asked him how I should do it...walk up to her and say...

DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS???

Prayer is Needed

Ok, so look...this is when anonymity is so tough. Because I know of some people that are in need of prayer.

That is the wonderful thing about God...He knows who you are praying for, even if you don't.

There was a manager at one of our stores that was murdered the other night. With as many people reading this blog, I figured you all could take a minute to pray for strength, faith, and comfort to a family that is missing their father, son, and friend.

That is the powerful thing about my work family. We all are like family. I have felt pain in my heart for a man that I have never met...but I am certain that he was as amazing as everyone has made him out to be.

Thank You!!!

Thanks for the LOVE

Only three months of blogs and the # of hits is CRAZY!!!

It's no Shauna Maness Photography Blog, but I'm coming for you Shauna.

Thanks for the LOVE!!!

The Gift Card Wrangler

Last night was a busy night...one of those that caught us off guard. On nights like that, my job is to be EVERYWHERE!!! I was at the front door when a man walked in. We welcomed him to our establishment...we then asked him how many were in his party (he had his wife and two kids)

He then told me he had a $15 gift certificate for here and a $25 gift certificate for an establishment up the road. I looked at Nelly, she looked at me...and we both said at the same time...HERE...all day...

that wasn't what he was asking

He then proceeded to tell us that he lost his job and he was trying to save some money...so he wanted to get some cash. I told him that the gift certificates were not redeemable for cash, but he could feed his kids very well with $15. And he and his wife could eat at the other place.

He asked to see a menu, so I gave him a regular menu and a kids menu. I also made some suggestions of how to most effectively use his $15.

He was sitting on a bench in the front when I heard an outburst. "What are these people thinking"

What are we thinking...what are you thinking???

So I asked him if he had some questions about the menu...he pointed to the kids rib...and questioned the $6.29 price. I said yes sir, that includes the 4 bone ribs, a side, and a drink...he then looked overwhelmed

OUR FOOD IS REASONABLY PRICED

So after looking at the menu for a few more minutes...he handed me the menu back and said that he thought he would just go wrangle someone in the parking lot and see if they would give him $15 cash for the card...

ok that was creepy...and the last thing I want is my customers getting hassled by some creeper in the parking lot.

So I said, sir I would rather you didn't, let me go ask one of my servers if they would give you cash and redeem the gift card at a later time.

I took the card and checked the balance...I mean, if a guy is willing to "wrangle" someone in the parking lot, and tell me about his recent financial state...I would not put it past him to try to get us for $15...maybe my mother just raised me to be skeptical...

The card checked out, and a server gave me some cash.

So I sent the wrangler and his posse on their way...I wonder if they wound up eating at the other place, or doing some more wrangling there????

Firemen

There are a couple of things that pop into my mind when I say that word...

#1. Lil Wayne
#2. Drunk
#3. pervs

It is sad that working at restaurants in Bryan/College Station will do that to a person. These guys do so many things that are good for us! But once a year A&M holds fire school...and they come out of the cracks like roaches.

Last night I was called by my busser over to a table bc the table was whistling for someone to help them.

I don't like to do cold calls on these kinds of tables, because you never know what you are going to get. So I asked Philmont what was going on.

Her response...THOSE GUYS ARE ASSHOLES...when she came to the table he asked her to read the menu for her...good luck with that one sweetie

So I scan the table and there is no need for me at that point. I went up to the host stand, but before I got there she informed me that the guys she just sat were ASSHOLES...she said that she tried to seat them at one table...but he pushed her aside to point at another table and seat themselves. Then the guy with droopy eyes whistled at her, the motioned to get him a drink, and shooed her to dismiss her...PALEASE....

Understand that normally a host will get your drink for you, if you ask politely...that did not fall under that category.

I asked her how many people she sat at the table. Her answer was two. My question became...WHY ARE THERE 5 DRINKS ON THE TABLE!!!!

It turns out when they sat they split...one went to the bar to order drinks, and the other ordered at the table.

I told the guy that I was going to have to remove some of the drinks from the table...as law requires us to have a max number of drinks per patron. The guy informed me that his friend was going to be pissed...and that is ok with me.

I removed the drinks and took my risk...HERE WE GO!!!

Lucky for me the guy that was "going to be pissed" was the nice guy...

The beers were gone, but when I reached for the margarita...the guy shooed my hand. So I informed him that I needed to take the drink bc he could only have one in front of him (the 2nd time I explained this) He finished the one so he could have the other...grrrrrr

then he told me...go get me another margarita...I regretfully informed him (not really) that it was past last call, so he could order no more drinks. But he could finish the two beers that I removed earlier...as long as he did so before 15 mins after close.

He was not satisfied with that bc he didn't want beer...just another rita...NO DICE PLAYER

I was lucky that a table that was very close was a manager at another establishment in town that I knew...so I hovered by there table to be present but not...

I kept checking on the table...but the only words I heard from the droopy eye guy was margarita...so I continued to ignore him

I dealt with a drunk guy that got out of control a few weeks prior...so I was weary of a repeat!

I am happy to report that these guys left without a fight...the guy was rude the entire time...but his friend's niceness made up for it.

It always makes me feel better when someone's friend is willing to admit how much of a jerk they are...so I know that it is not me being the jerk!!!

So I went on the rest of the night singing my Lil Wayne song...ready for the next night of firemen...they will be here all week!!

Hunger Strikes

I am amazed by the number of people that think if you speak to someone who doesn't speak your language much slower and louder...they will somehow be able to understand.

I am trilingual...I speak Spanish/English/and enough sign language to get by...

I was walking by the front area when I heard a guy talking loudly and slowly to my busser. He was attempting to tell him that the table he was cleaning was not gone yet. I witnessed the brick wall in communication and stepped in.

I asked the gentleman if I could help him because Milky didn't understand him. He told me that the occupants of the table (that had been empty for 15 mins) were coming back. I replied, "Sir, that table has been dirty and unoccupied for 15 minutes. But, if you think that they are coming back and are not bothered by the mess we can leave it for 5 more minutes."

Then he broke into his real reason...he said...

"I mean, you can clean it...but if you are just going to throw those chips & salsa away...you can give it to me and I will finish it."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME...SICK

Of course I didn't say that.

I said, "Sir, I can't give you food that has been eaten by other patrons. That is not sanitary. But I will "leave it here" and clean the rest of the table...in case they come back for it"

People amaze me every day...I could have made him a fresh batch...but we are not a soup kitchen...

That was my Strike against Hunger!

Gasping for Air

Sooo...if you have casual conversation with me...you are probably aware of the drowning effect my job has had on me in the past couple of months. We haven't had a chance to come up for air...without something else crashing down on us again.

I am glad to say that we are GASPING for air now!!! We have two new additions that I think are going to fit and complete us!!! I am excited to enjoy my job again.

So this is my first official gasp that I am enjoying....

and Im baaaacccckkkk!!!!

Poo Poo Patrol

So Chris called for Charles the other day...and Johnson's girl answered the phone and enlisted my help in finding him. I searched high and low for this man...but he was no where to be found.

I made a round by table one where Paul was studying and asked him if he had seen Charles. We were getting our bathrooms worked on by a plumber...Paul said he had seen him earlier, but the plumbers were in the bathroom.

Charles being the hands on guy that he is I figured that he was in the restroom monitoring progress...so I made my way into the men's room to let him know his wife was on the phone.

knock, knock, knock...and in I went...HEY...IS CHARLES IN HERE...

I noticed a white t-shirt in the first stall...and a foul smell...

the guy answered...no, no Charles in here...

I left the restroom and grabbed Johnson's girl 1/2 way in tears...and disbelief that someone actually answered...

So I walked in the office later...unaware that Charles was in the restroom...to him quickly notifying me...of the following

It doesn't matter what is going on...who is sick, puking, or hurt...he can't do anything about it until he is done handling his business...and he will never answer when a crazy woman enters the men's room yelling his name...

at this point I was in tears (from laughing so hard) that someone else had witnessed the craziness of answering...no, he's not in here...

Charles then informed me that the funniest part happened after I left...the guy in the stall beside him, then turn the conversation to him...

Hey man...was she looking for you...are you Charles...

He was a bit ticked that I created this awkward position for him...but eventually he found the humor in it...maybe it was my tears...

He then told me that he would not have answered even if he was alone in there...

I GIVE ALL THE CREDIT TO PAUL FOR THIS ONE>>>HE TOLD ME THAT CHARLES WAS IN THERE WITH THE PLUMBERS

You can't hide from the Poo Poo Patrol!!!

Something for Nothing

I was called over to a table last night. I encountered a couple that looked like they were from my small town (don't worry...I'm not going to put anyone on blast).

She was sitting there with her arms crossed and started her conversation with her head cocked...that body language indicated that she was on defense. I was interested to know why...

She said that a server spilled a tea on her and she had to sit through her entire meal wet & cold and it ruined her experience...and she thought I should do something about her food. She sucked the side of her cheeks making an annoying smack when she was done. She cut her eyes to see what my response was going to be.

My thoughts were that I was not going to argue with this woman over 1/2 off a meal...she could have it. So I apologized and told her that had I known I would have given her a dry shirt, moved her, or turned the air to a more comfortable level. She said that it was fine...she understood accidents.

Then her husband tried to be cute and said, "if we say he did it on purpose can we get it for free?!?" I looked him right upside his head...with the same bad humor I said...only if I would have gotten to see it...

ok, maybe I crossed the line with that one...but what eva...

I went to the back and Lanier asked me what the complaint was...I told him. He asked why they didn't complain when it happened...before I could answer him, Richard did it for me...He said...because then, they couldn't get something for nothing!

Get Your Story Straight

I was working a slow lunch yesterday when I was summoned to the togo area. Someone wanted to speak to a manager.

I approached the gold toothed, barefoot, no bra wearing 400 lb woman. She had a bag on the counter, so I figured she had just picked up some food. When I got to the counter she told me that the salads were cold. NO SHIT...THAT IS PART OF WHAT MAKES THEM SO GOOD!

I asked if she had her ticket and she said no...that they were on four different tickets...which translates to me that they were on one ticket, but got split up to pay...and she did not have a phone number to reference bc she called from a hotel.

So I asked her if we could remake them for her right quick. She said, no, I just want my money back. I explained to her our system. We do not do refunds, we give out our form of in store credit that were good at any store...not just ours (we sometimes refer to them as gift certificates).

She explained to me that this happened last night...and she didn't want the salad...just her money...I pulled the salads out of the bag to inspect and they were all 1/2 eaten...some 3/4 eaten...ARE YOU KIDDING ME

I asked her why she didn't bring them back last night and she said that it was after close...and the guy told her to bring the food back today...THAT IS NOT HOW WE DO THINGS...

She then told me that she had experienced problems previously with the gift cards received for mess ups...apparently they had not being activated in Dallas...that is funny because the credits we issue are not in card form...they are in paper form...

I asked her to give me a second to ask the other manager that was on duty if he knew a way to give cash...I really just needed a moment to process the fact that this woman wanted money back for 1/2 eaten salads. I took the salads back to show Charles. He was in awe as well.

So I went back and told her that I had no way of giving her cash...that the best I could do was remake the salads or give them the paper certificates. She was not satisfied. She wanted to talk to Charles. So I told her, mam, he is a manager just like me with the same information as I have. He is going to tell you the same thing.

I then said, you know what our GM was the one that was on staff last night. If he was the one that told you that he was going to give you cash, then he probably had something in mind. I offered to go call him. She back pedaled quickly. She said that she had to go home to Dallas and that this was plain ridiculous.

I said, ok, well I will be quick about it. Give me just a second. I then went to the back and started to call the GM, when Charles told me that he closed last night. So I asked him if he told a lady to come back. He said no...so I passed it on to him.

I looked through the tickets from last night and didn't see any with those menu items on it. So I went back to see how Charles was handling it.

I intersected the part of the conversation where he made an analogy with something she may understand. He said, "you know when you go to the mall and bring back a shirt without a receipt. They don't give you cash back, but they will give you an in store credit"

At this point she knew we were not coming off of any money. She snapped a Charles...with a...Chill out dude...don't talk to me like I am ignorant.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

She asked for the gift certificates so she could leave and told us she would see us when she came back.

these were my immediate thoughts:
1. this chick probably cleans hotel rooms for a living...saw the boxes and thought she could get some cash back from a bs story
2. If she lives in Dallas why is she going to come back here to use the certificates...we told her they were good at ANY store
3. GET YOUR STORIES STRAIGHT

Life Goes On

The outfit that I work for is corporate. So what that means is that I have no flexibility or control over ANYTHING...especially not the menu.

There are some times as managers you are slightly saddened when you cannot get your guest exactly what they want. And there are sometimes that you walk away from the table with a shit eating grin bc you are so tickled to tell someone no!!!

Today I got to do just that...multiple times!!! My girl Cheddin was waiting on the most pleasantly trashy table...close to the end

(I don't know why the last tables you get are always the worst)

They just had to see a manager bc the greasy ball of fat that they wanted was no longer on our menu!!! Stop the Press...write the President...this is an EMERGENCY!!!

So I walked over to the wrong table (at first) and said, "Hi ladies, Cheddin tells me that someone is upset that we no longer carry item X" One lady looked at me sideways...and the other fake sobbed loudly and said, "How could you do this to me..." The other lady laughed and said, "wrong table sweetheart...good luck with that one!!"

That put me in a lighthearted spirit...so I went over to the right table and knew who was going to complain when I rounded the corner. Yep...the one with no teeth!!!

Ok...understand...I am tatted up...I LOVE TATTOOS...but there are some tats that are TRASHY...and it looked like they all got together and got tattooed on this one table of women. The three women on one side all had the same tat in the same spot...and they had to be three generations of the same line of backwoodsers...

So back to terry no teeth...She had the most disappointed look on her face. So I smiled...and showed all my pearly whites...and said hello ladies, how are we doing today? (Knowing what would follow)...

Terry started in...The only reason we come to this restaurant is for item X...why would you get rid of such a signature item. I just don't get it...I want you to give someone my name & phone number so I could tell them (I think she was just bragging that she had a phone)

I apologized and offered them a solution...the same exact fried fat...just not in a ball...in little strings...and you could choose the sauce...but Terry wanted the mayo fatbath that was served with the fat ball...I DON'T KNOW WHAT PART ABOUT WE DON'T CARRY IT SHE DIDN'T GET...

The substitution was WAY cheaper for more fat strings...$1.49 per order instead of $8.99...so when they went out I checked on them. And what do you know they liked them. So the gluttonous wenches ordered 3 orders of them.

So I thought I was done with them and all was well...I was on my way out the door. I was done for my shift, when the server taking care of them came and found me...

He said, Terry no Teeth wants to speak to the manager that told her the fat strings were $1.49 a piece. He had her bill that she was questioning. She pointed out another menu item that was $8.99...and questioned it...

So I took her back the bill and went over it with her. I said mam...the order you are questioning is chicken strips, completely separate from the item you ordered right here...I pointed out the ONLY item that had a quantity of 3 that was totaled at $4.47. I said mam...if you take $1.49 and multiply it by 3, you get $4.47...

SIMPLE MATH

She said....ohhhh, yeah...I guess the name just threw me off. I just don't know what I am going to do next time, because this is just ridiculous.

So I wished her well...And hoped that the next time would not be on my shift

In the back of my mind I was thinking...PLEASE don't come here next time if all you are going to do is complain about something I have no control over...

IT IS NOT THAT SERIOUS...LIFE GOES ON!!!!

Server Justice

Two or three years ago I would have been with this table. Right in the thick of it...laughing off the stupid stuff and backhanding the rude...

I mean really...one time a group of us went to Hooters and my friend Jamaal asked the server, "So you have to have titties or ass to work here...I can see your tits...you must have a big ass, let me see"

after she turned around to show her ass he replied, "Hmmmm, you must have a really great personality." Yeah...those are my friends...good news is...we have all grown up a little bit.

So this week I got a reminder of my past. I am geared up to deal with these folks...so I helped a sister out. They wanted a strong drink...so I directed them to the strongest one we serve. It is also the most expensive one we serve. (I didn't tell him that...server justice)

So they were pretty impatient when I was getting the drink order...they wanted me to take the dinner order at the same time...no problem!!! I am on it.

The other guys wanted a drink...one was nice, and one was a jackass...he was my Jamaal...mannn I wish I could apologize to that Hooter's chick...so they came up with some concoction that didn't even sound good. And go figure...they didn't like it. So I tweeked it and magic.

I let the server do the upkeep, but guess who they asked for when they ordered another drink...yep...Can you send your manager by...

So I made them one of my favs...vodka, sprite, and a touch of grenadine!!! YUMMM!!!!

They liked it!!! They left my server exact change...that is how we were different. We gave them a hard time, but we left nice tips!!!

I guess that was a bit of karma for me...and some patron justice!!!

Me No Sabe

That's what he said...

Sometimes as a manager you don't even have to be called...you are just in the right place at the right time. Or the wrong place at the right time...however you choose to see it.

Friday night was just that for me...you can always tell those who don't get out much by the orders they place. Chances are they are going to order a shot of what they consider the best liquor, some form of steak, and bottle beer (no mug)...

Friday was no different.

Two of my busser were in eating...and I was chatting it up with them. My busser on duty was picture happy that night. He wanted a picture of me with the guys...so I obliged...as the flash went off the drunk guy at the table next to us (with the empty shot glass, steak, and bottle beer) screamed at him...

AMIGO....NO BUENO...DON'T TAKE PICTURES...in the most bumpkin Spanish accent possible...I knew this was going to be interesting...so I motioned to the busser to leave him be to save some drama...

I continued to speak to my bussers (in Spanish) at the table behind him. His inability to understand drove him crazy. He kept saying outloud...to himself...ME NO SABE...

His buddies were outside smoking, so I knew he wasn't talking to them...

this was rude for a number of reasons...

A. He was loud
B. He said it wrong
C. Everyone around him was Hispanic...except him and me...Y YO SE

The next time his server came by he asked if he could move, and Mr. Watson gave him the option of the table on the other side of us...he declined...

When his friends came back I thought he would calm down...instead he downed the salt, covered his entire plate with ketchup, and kept shouting ME NO SABE & IM VATOS LOCOS...

he was loco alright...and with that I warned a server to be ready to call the police for me as I dealt with this guy.

I asked him to be quite again. No dice. One of the tables that was sitting around him did not want to leave for fear of him calling them out. The poor ladies sitting across from him were afraid to even make eye contact.

I brought the check over to them hoping they would pay and leave. Instead he bit off more than he could chew...literally...he puked up the bite he just took...

the rest of the patrons chose that as an exit time

I asked him to pay for the bill so he could leave. He asked if I was kicking him out...my response was that if he was intoxicated to the point that he vomited on himself, then yes I was asking him to leave.

He said he didn't puke on himself...when I questioned the vomit on his shirt he quickly rebutted
that the vomit was on his plate and he was still going to eat it. I told him regardless of where it was he needed to pay and leave.

By this time the entire staff was aware of what was going on. The cooks were ready for backup...and servers the same. I am glad I had so many guys on that night. An all female staff would not have handled that the same (no offense ladies)

He handed me a $100 bill and told me to keep the change...and not to give any to Justin/Jason/Steven/Jared...he still couldn't get the name right...I asked his friend (in Spanish) if he was going to be ok...This ticked him off...causing him to yell...ME NO SABE...I F*CK*NG SPEAK ENGLISH...

So I said, YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW...so he got up in a scary The Hulk kind of way...plate in the left hand and beer bottle in the right hand...So I said, "Sir you can't leave with that beer bottle." So he took it to the head...and then reared back like he was going to throw it at me...I ducked...

I signaled to call the Police

his friend stepped between us and said that he had him...so I let him...if a psycho's buddy is scared of what he could do...then I am backing up and letting him take it...

The guy threw the bottle and left out the back door...tossing chairs around on his way out...once he and his friends were out of the building I instructed everyone to make sure the doors were shut behind them...

I intersected the police call...a patrol car pulled them over right outside the parking lot

The cops had all three guys out of the vehicle talking to them...the ASS was very boisterous, flailing his arms around as he spoke with the officers.

The guy was going to be let go with a Criminal Trespassing Warning, but he decided he needed to run away from the officers when they turned for a moment...two steps into his escape he fell right on his face...and was subsequently arrested.

So the moral of the story is...Well, I don't really have one...So I guess Me no Sabe...